After 3 years trying and 5 embryo traansfers we eventually got our first ever positive in January. We were scared but so happy. Earlier this week, at 7w6d we went to the clinic for our viability scan. There was no heartbeat and the foetus was measuring way too small. Most likely it stopped developing.... I am devastated. I had 0 miscarriage symptom, not even some spotting so I did not prepare myself for this outcome at all. My body still thinks I am pregnant. So sad...
It’s like one roadblock after the other. When will it ever work for us? Or shall I say will it ever work?
I know this happened to a lot of you. What helped you cope with it and heal?
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LilyBleue
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I don’t even know what to say but didn’t want to reAd and run without replying. I’m so sorry. This is such tough news and the key thing that comes to mind is to give yourself some time to process things and keep being kind to yourself. Thinking of you xx
I’m so sorry to hear this, it’s heartbreaking. I had a missed miscarriage too so I can understand how you must feel. I send you a hug, hopefully you will have your rainbow baby soon. If you need to talk you can pm me.
I know the feeling but I’m sure that’s not the case! I know many people who had a miscarriage the first time and they all had healthy children after! Hopefully our time will come very soon! 🌈
Awww love, I am so sorry to read your sad news. These awful experiences are devastating and I'm sure you feel like that. All I can say is that time is the only thing that heals....be kind to yourself and lean on your supportive family and friends around you. Sending huge hugs xxxxxxx❤️❤️
Hi Lilybleue, i’m so sorry to hear this, my heart goes out to you. I just wanted to send you my well wishes I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. Please be kind with yourself, give yourself time to heal Xx
I am so sorry to hear this Lily. It's such a horrible experience but you'll get there and time does help to heal somewhat. Take all the time you need and dont rush how youre feeling and go easy on yourself. So sorry. Here if you want to chat x x
Just time I’m sorry to say. When you’re in the thick of a miscarriage, and I’ve had three, you think you’ll be devastated forever but you won’t be. You’ll always be sad. You’ll always wonder about what could have been but you will pull through it and you will smile again. Just not for a while yet. Take it day by day. Make sure you’re surrounded by people who will love, support and take care of you. I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby xx
Yes. Sadly the nhs won’t run tests until you’ve had three but there’s nothing (except finances maybe) to stop anyone getting some tests done privately. It was discovered I have lupus anticoagulant (aps). It clots my blood abnormally (amongst a few other things). With blood thinning injections, daily aspirin and lots and lots of extra scans my last bfp is now 7 months old. Nearly.
Two of my miscarriages were missed miscarriages back to back so I do know how much it completely floors you. You will be ok. Just don’t put too much pressure on the “when” you’ll get there or how. It will take time. Be kind to yourself and most importantly remember that it isn’t your fault xx
Hi dear, I’m so sorry... been through missed miscarriages twice and I have to say the most devastating thing in my life ever. 💔
The first time it almost cost us our marriage because we were both too sad... the second time we tired to help each other and also get lots of help...
Also do what ever you can to find out the reason for missed miscarriage, it helped me a lot to know it was for the best.
We are still facing difficulty as we are having our second round of IVF ( this time ICSI) and I have to convince my husband to go head with it. He couldn’t see me heartbroken again... but I wanted to try again. So give your husband some time.... listen to him as well, sometimes we forget how hard it is for our other half to see us going through all these procedure for nothing...
look after yourself and ask help when you need. I hope you feel better soon. I’m thinking of you xx
Thanks. I am sorry for your two losses. Did they run any investigation on you? For now my husband is more supporting me than the other way around... I tried to told him that it was ok for him to show he was sad ant that I am here for him. But saying those words while crying at the same time is a bit counterproductive...
I feel like the pain is always there you just learn to live with it and somehow accept it... on my first missed miscarriage we didn’t run any test as everyone kept telling me is can happen to anyone, on the second one we sent the pregnancy tissue to lab for investigation and it turns out to be a chromosomal condition call Turner syndrome... its very rare approximately 1 to 2% of all embryos have Turner syndrome and 99% of these miscarry... NHS don’t offer this test if you only have one or two miscarriages so we paid for it. It wasn’t expensive and I’m happy we done it. My husband and I did a genetic test also and we are fine... so really it was only our bad luck...
I’m happy your husband is very supportive, Hope you feel better soon xx
So sorry Lily, it's heartbreaking but you are strong and will pull through. Don't give up
I have had 3 missed MCs and it is completely heartbreaking and devastating.
Allow yourself to grieve, take one day at a time, surround yourself with a support network and counselling can also be an option.
If you have a D&C request that they test the embryo to find out the cause (I had two tested and there were no chromosomal issues, was told it was simply bad luck but good to know if it was chromsomal we would of explored another avenues).
I know it may not seem possible now, but you will get through this difficult period. Big hugs, thinking of you and I'm here if you need anything xx
Oh 3 mmc... I can’t even imagine. I am so sorry for your losses. Did you do a D&C each time? Was it your choice or did they suggest it was the best way to proceed?
Thanks hun, it's tough and difficult but you find a way to pick yourself up so that continue until you realise your dream.
My first FS suggested the D&Cs and had it with the first two. Although I had to have a hysterocopy after my first one as I had an adhesion on my cervix canal that was preventing my period to pass.
Third MC was with a new FS and she suggested medical management (tablets) and if I had my time over and could opt for a D&C I would. The cramping was excruciating and I ended up having RPOC and thought I may end up needing a D&C. Fortunately they monitored me and it passed when I got my period.
Im so sorry xxx this is so difficult this journey. Focus on one day at a time...dont give up hope and when you're ready try again...good news is...you had a BFP once you can do it again...when you're ready. Take your time you are allowed to be upset xxx
HiyaSo sorry to hear this I had a missed miscarriage at 12.5 weeks and it’s been hard in September is when it all started and I’m still suffering but I take each day as it comes
No love I had it natural half at home and half the time in hospital to pass the placenta it was terrible and said I would opt for a d and c if it were to happen again was in labour For 2 days xx
Have you had any support from the hospital ?I didn’t really have much I found out during a routine scan there was no heartbeat and I was to misscarry.they then asked me how I want to do it which I didn’t find helpful as I hadent misscarried before they was going to book d and c straight away but I had already started grieving! I couldn’t just get rid of my baby like that I still had pregnancy symptoms was non the wiser she even asked me if I want to drink coffee I just wanted my baby back went home and had to wait a week and half before it started I still believed my baby was alive because of symptoms I told my partner they were lying .d and c is over quickly but I’m scared they will do d and c wrong.please research your options as they don’t tell you everything x
Oh love.... my heart is broken for you. I've had something similar in the fact I lost a child to an ectopic pregnancy after writing poems and planning on how I would tell my family so I understand the shock.
what I'm about to say won't be much at the moment, because you need to give yourself a chance to heal, it's okay to cry and scream and even punch a few pillows if you like but...…….
after I was over the initial shock, it really helped me to force myself into the mentality of 'You can throw anything at me, it won't beat me', granted it took a while for my mentality to reach that
Also I got it into my head that my little one was far too precious for this ugly world and that he's being cared for by my grandparents and other people I've lost over the years, knowing he's not alone gave me so much comfort.
The next few weeks will be extremely difficult, I won't sugar coat it and it's okay not to be okay, you've been through so much. Surround yourself with the people you love the most and after a while, when you're least expecting it, you'll smile again. I'm here if you need to rant
Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry you had to experience an ectopic pregnancy. It is really comforting to see that at you were able to come even stonger out of all this.
Hi Lily, I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a MMC about a month ago. For me, I had to grieve, but also knowing it was likely chromosomal helped somewhat. Because that meant it’s a chance event and won’t necessarily happen again. I also started planning for what I wanted for our next cycle and decided we’ll do PGT-A testing which gives me a bit of a plan to focus on. Everyone is different and takes different amounts of time to heal. For me, I started feeling better once the miscarriage had completed (I let it happen naturally) but those 2 weeks were brutal. Sending hugs, hope you get lots of love and support.
Thank you for your message. I am sorry for your loss. Were you able get some tests to see whether there was an actual chromosomal abnormality or was it based on statistics?
They wouldn’t test until it was the 3rd. I suppose we could’ve gone private but didn’t think of it at the time. We surmised it based on the pattern of events... At the first scan at 7 weeks they only saw a sac so we thought it might have been a blighted ovum but they wanted to check a week later. At that next scan we saw a fetal pole, yolk sac and heartbeat but was measuring 11 days behind which they said could have been late implantation. We went back 2 weeks later and no heartbeat and it was smaller so determined a MMC. The 11 days behind was suspicious though and suggested something was wrong with the embryo ☹️
Hi, I am so sorry to read this. I have had multiple miscarriages and all of them 'missed' so I do know a little bit about what you are going through.
There is no real solution except time, which is the biggest cliche but true. You need to heal physically first before you can start healing mentally, so I would focus initially on getting help with that but make sure you take time to grieve, because it is a loss and a huge one, not only of a baby but of all your hopes and dreams that you have had up until now.
I have found the miscarriage association forum really helpful, and also I would recommend counselling. It doesnt necessarily mean your next pregnancy will end the same way, multiple MC is actually quite rare and I think we are more aware of it because it is people who have them that search out forums like this and not the millions of other people who go on to have a baby.
Its really raw at the moment, it does get easier, but just don't bottle it up because I did and went slowly bonkers.
Thank you for your message. I am sorry you had to go through multiple missed miscarriages. Did your body eventually recognized that your babies had stopped growing or did you have to take drugs / do surgery?
I had to have surgery 2 out of the 3 times and the 3rd had a natural MC. That’s not to say you will need surgery though. Although i chose surgery to an extent because I just wanted it over with physically x
Oh hunny I’m so devastated for you. I’ve been in the same boat with the same thing happen and although my ivf haven't resulted in a BFP yet since I’ve read soooo many stories of those who have! We have to stay strong, which is so difficult. I suppose I just want to say we understand your pain and it’s okay to be devastated but you’ll get through this. Lots of love.
I went with the d and c as I wanted to move on and start trying again as soon as possible. I did have an issue in that the first one didn’t resolve everything so I needed to have a second. I’m still glad I chose this option as I couldn’t have kept waiting for it.
Sorry to hear this devastating news. Don't feel like you need to make any big decisions right now and take your time with this shocking and awful news. I had a similar experience last year where we went for our 12/13 week scan and I just was not expecting it at all. Development had stopped and our little one was no longer moving. I sort of just blurted out my tears as I was in such shock. There seems no rhyme or reason for it and it's not fair. You're strong and you will get through this. I don't know if it ever completely heals, but it gets less painful over time. Make sure you surround yourself with lots of love and support, and don't expect too much of yourself during this time. Lots of love. xxxxxx
Thank you for your support. I am sorry you you to go through a missed miscarriage too. I could not say anything anymore once the gynecologist performed the scan and gave us the news. I could only silently cry... I am so scared I will have to go there again for the handling of the miscarriage and the rest of our fertility journey.
My lovely.....I feel for you. I had a medical management of miscarriage (in hospital), and whilst it wasn't the best day of my life, it was actually better than the day where I was told of the missed miscarriage. At least, I was expecting it, and it wasn't a shock! There are many routes for "handling" of this and you will choose what's best for you. Don't be shy to let them know of your worries though!! Lots of love. xxxx
Im so sorry to hear our sad news! We lost our little just before our scan spontaneously. Its devastating to go from the high of a positive and being pregnant to nothing! Im not really sure there is anything that gets you through it but it does hurt a little less as time goes on. No advice really, we put our little one in our garden beside our red rose bush and put one of my valentines roses in the ground ontop so we have special little place to look at to remember now. Massive hugs.xx
Thank you!! There are lots of ways that you can mark losing your little one and hopefully once you are ready to will find one for you both, I think it really helps!!xx
Oh LilyBleue I am so so sorry. I have had missed miscarriages at the beginning of our IvF journey and i am still grieving them nearly four years on. It is so tough. The only thing I can say from experience is give yourself time off, be extra kind to yourself and allow yourself to be upset- you have every right to be. Allow yourself to be loved and taken care of too- and trust that you are strong (you have been on such a long tough journey already!) and you will eventually heal. And we on this forum are all here and we can understand. Sending you big big hugs xxxx
I’m so so sorry for you. I had a mmc too. I had zero symptoms as well. We had a heartbeat at 7 weeks and not at 9 weeks so to say I was devastated would be an understatement, like you, so I totally understand exactly how you’re feeling. I don’t know if anyone can give you advice as it’s such a personal time. I personally took a lot of time out. I had 2 weeks off work and had time to grieve (and then was a bit patchy after that!). I clung to my husband like a limpet and we spent a lot of time talking and just being together. I had counselling too. The only bit of advice I will give is take as much time as you need and don’t put pressure on yourself. It’s a tough time but time will help I promise xx
Thank you for sharing your experience. I am sorry that you had to go through a mmc. Did they let you decide between miscarrying on your own or getting a D&C?
Yes I had a D & C. My periods are so ridiculously light anyway, I just knew that it could take ages for me to miscarry naturally. I wanted it over and done with as soon as possible. This, of course, is another personal choice though. Big hugs xx
I also have super short periods... have you had any investigation done on that front? Every professional I talked to told me not to worry and that I should be happy not to have heavy periods... I really find it odd though, specially because I used to have 5 day period in the past.
I went to have a hysteroscopy in Sept 2018 and that’s when I found out I was pregnant naturally so didn’t have it. I have since been told that I don’t need another one. I’m seeing a new consultant on Monday so have lots of questions for her! I’ve never got to the bottom of it either x
So sorry lovely. I have been through this twice and I didn’t stop going over it all in my head thinking of everything in case I was to blame. I wasn’t of course but I do know I didn’t speak about it enough & also wasn’t aware of this group back then unfortunately so I say you’re on to a good start talking about it on here.
It’s really hard when you still have symptoms too. Hoping your HCG levels drop soon 💕
Always here if you’d like to chat. I have had medical and surgical management so ask if you have any questions.
Thank you for your kind message. I am sorry for your losses. Indeed I still have my « pregnant woman » sore boobs... and for now wondering when I’ll start to bleed. What did you chose for yours, waiting, drugs or D&C?
The first one I was advised to wait but 2 weeks later I hadn’t started bleeding so I had medical management - I was too nervous of going under GA and have to be honest Hun it was really prolonged and difficult. I had really awful, agonising pains until I miscarried and I was bleeding for weeks and weeks. I had to keep going back to the EPU for scans.
When I had the second one I knew I couldn’t go through that again and chose to have a D&C and this one was much easier on me mentally & physically. They really took great care of me and I had hardly any bleeding or pain after, my HCG levels dropped (they ask you to test 2 weeks later - only negative test you ever want to see) and I just felt I was able to grieve and therefore move on quicker.
Everyone is different of course & hope I haven’t worried you but I wanted to be honest from my experiences. You must do what is right for you. The other thing with D&C is you can plan when it happens whereas naturally or medically, you’ll not know for certain when it will start and finish.
I’m here if you’d like to chat, privately too.
💕 xxxx
I’m so so sorry to hear this - I am thinking of you at this time and if you need to talk always here xxxx 😘❤️😘❤️😘
I’m so sorry to hear this. I haven’t got any advice but just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you. Hope some of the fellow ladies can give you advice x
I have had 6 miscarriages and one successful natural pregnancy that still today at 2 ½ seems like a miracle and can’t quite believe he is mine. I have no advice per say other than what I felt which is to keep going no matter what and to have faith which was sometimes so hard. Grieve, feel, cry. Go for walks in nature and try and lean on your partner. The hardest part for me was learning how not to be jealous and bitter if others who had it so easy. Have faith in yourself to get up again and keep trying if that’s what you want. The pain will subside, you will never forget bit be stronger because of it. This pain is unimaginable to those who have never experienced it but life goes on and so do we. I wish you all the best and am always here if you want to pm me... xxx
I got tested for everything known to man! Never found anything! My rainbow happened out of the blue naturally. I have never found the reason. It’s crazy this whole journey isn’t it?
I’m so sorry to read this, we also finally got pregnant on our 5th transfer only to miscarry a few days later. It felt so cruel that we’d finally beaten the ivf odds and then had to deal with this!
I think time is the only true healer, just take each day as it comes and don’t feel afraid to back out of things you don’t want to do. I didn’t go to a Christmas meal as I knew 3 people were pregnant and didn’t feel like I could cope xx
It is so cruel, isn’t it? What a roller coaster... I am sorry for your loss.
I can definitely relate with avoiding pregnant women. Even during the short period of time when I was pregnant, it was still difficult for me to be around pregnant women...
I know it’s hard to believe and feels to good to be true, I know if I’m lucky enough to get pregnant again I’ll now be so anxious about losing it 😕 here if you ever need to chat xx
Hi LilyBleue. So sorry you’re going through this, it is devastating.
Take some time out and look after yourself. If you can take some time off work, do. I found that really helpful.
Know that you will feel better and strong again soon, but for now do whatever you need to do, be it wine, crap food, spending time with people that understand.
Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to grieve. We’re all here if you need support xx
Thank you for your kind message. I am sorry you had to go through all this. I am realizing after talking about what happened to me with some « fertile » friends that they just don’t get it. They all say oh it worked this time so it will work again next time... well that does not really help actually.
No you’re right, people don’t get it. I’ve had the same thing said to me too! I think they think they’re helping but they’re not! It can be very frustrating.
All the ladies on here do get it though, and everyone is so kind and understanding. I’m always amazed by how these strong wonderful women are always here to cheer you on in happy times and have your back in not so happy times. I’ve found being a part of this forum the best way to feel less lonely & I find that reading the positive stories is always a great way to help rebuild that strength when it’s feeling very faded.
Take care of yourself. We understand and we’re here if you ever need a chat xx
Thank your for your hopeful message. It helps to see that there can be light at the end of the tunnel. I am sorry for your losses. How did you decide to have your mmc handled? Were you given the choice?
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. When you go back to the clinic ask them to review your protocol. We had tried for 3 years with no success and were successful on our first round of ivf(long protocol). However, due to me having an auto immune disease I was put on 75mg baby aspirin and clexane during treatment up to 12 weeks as it was more likely for me to miscarry despite having never had one and I also had one doctor suspect that I had antiphospholipid syndrome which causes miscarriage. Get yourself checked for any auto immune diseases and the syndrome and ask if it is safe for you to take baby aspirin. I know quite a few women on here who have gone on to have successful pregnancies after doing this . Best wishes for you and your rainbow baby xx
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