Refused ivf

Hello there, my name is Clare and i am 32 years old. I live in Downham Market Norfolk. I am at my wits end trying to get any kind of help and really dnt no what other options i have left..

Ive always wanted to b mum. To me its my hole purpose of exsisting. From the age of 15 i new i wanted to b a mum its all i longed for. When i was 15 i was with a parnter to wich the relationshipt lasted 9 and a half years. It was during this relationship wen i hit my 20's i new falling pregnant was proving difficult so thats wen my hole medical investigation started and ivf was on the cards. After many scans internals ultra sounds and laparoscopys to try and find out why i just couldnt conceive. Nothing came apparrant apart from bein told i had ONE blocked tube. Ok i thort so i still have another one so at least that gives me a 50/50 chance of still falling. Anyway nothing happened and that relationship came to an end so i took sum time out to enjoy life befor setterling down again.

Thats when i met my next partner wen i was 26. we were together 2 years split for 6 months then go back together for another 2 years but that relationshop also came to an end. But it was this relationships i finally could see me being a mum and the end of the road. In the 1st 2 years we applided for ivf, was excepted, had more tests scans, blood tests, blue tube die test. But sadly during that time things go too hard and we split for 6 months. We decided to give it another go as we still loved each other afta all that time apart so we got things back on track and applied for ivf again. its was this time around i was within reachin distance of finnly havin a shot a ivf! Ihad to have another laporoscopy and it was this time around i had my tubes taken out as they were concerned if they were left in the ivf cud result into an eptopic pregnancy. All went ok but they then came back and told me neither of my tubes worked anyway as one was blocked ( that i new ) but the other was full of hydrsalphinx (toxic fluid ) witch now explain why i neva fell pregant in all thoose years. I was very upset at this as i feel i cud hv had this dealt with years befor hand. Anyways afta the tubes were out and i healed up ivf was all in the process. Consent forms signed and fertility drugs ordered with a delivery date !! But then ......... just 4 days befor my fertlity drugs arrived the unthickable happened. My partner left me. Destroying me in the process. My life turned upside down. There was no going back, ever. So i sunk into a complete low .....

Four months later ..... Thats when my wonderfull, now Fiance walked into my life ! Obviosly i was weary and my guard was up but he was pacient and so loveing and supportive that i fell head over heels inlove with him. Such a kind hearted loyall man. Afta a year together, yes we applied for ivf Yet again. Had all the tests done again, blood tests, interals, semen test, all came back good and we shortly get a our ivf appointment at the hospital. Excited nervous anxsious we go to our appointment to c the fertility nurse who then sits and looks at our forms..... My partner Matthew has two children form a previous relationship to witch i honestly addmitted on our forms. The nurse spots this and then thoose UNBEARABLE WORDS LEAVE HER MOUTH .... im sorry ur are not eligable for ivf on the nhs as matthew has children.

Im uncontrolably break down, tears just roll down my face and the nurse leaves the room to give us a few minuets.

She retunes shortly after and says im sorry and lets us leave with not an ounce of consideration of how i must be feeling. No counselling offered. No advice line phone numbers. Nothing. We r just left to leave and some how try and get on with our lives.

Clearly i felt there was noway of gettin over this. It hurt so bad that i had my right of bein a mum taken away from me. Matthew too felt partly to blame as he felt it was him preventing me from havin ivf as he already had children. He felt my pain and i could see it in his eyes. We cried together over this. He to this day has remained supportive and stood by me threw all this.

Afta a few months i felt it was time to Appeal this decision. Matt and i return to the doctors and our appeal is processed by our doctor so then we sit tight and wait for a response. Two months later we are called back to the doctors as we have has a response. The answer is still no ..................

I am at my wits end. Someone please help me/us, i dnt no wot other options i have left

Clare xx

5 Replies

  • That sounds awful! poor you. Unfortunately that's the NHS for you. There are other areas where you could get treatment even if your partner has children. Not sure if you could consider moving? Do you live near another PCT which has different rules? Or could you afford to pay privately? That's all I can suggest really, I hope you manage to do something x

  • Carnt move hunni and Carnt afford private ??

  • Hey Clare,

    Sorry to hear your story, it is very very tough. It sounds like you are still young, have you thought about saving up for private? It may take a while, but when does anything come easy in this life :-( Or have you thought about adoption? I know you must love your partner, do you get time to spend with his children? You could find yourself becoming close to his children, I know they are not yours and that can be a kick in the teeth sometimes (I am always told to spend more time with my nephew as hes the nearest to my own, but that still hurts, hes not mine), but you can enjoy doing 'motherly' fun things with them whilst you still try and get pregnant. Just checking do you not have any tubes? I know someone who had 4 failed IVF cycles but then fell pregnant at 40 on one tube and one ovary - that's pretty amazing. I have also heard of women with almost not eggs and still get pregnant. Also, there is the option of sharing your eggs - you have IVF and give half your eggs away and get to keep the other half- and the IVF is only half the price. See if you are eligible for it?

    But there are ways and means - your hubby obviously has good sperm and you most likely have young eggs so there is hope. Don't give up and look at all your options. Finding a second job to save for IVF too? Just keep searching, its not the end of the road.

    Sending you lots of love and luck



  • hi Clare

    I am not one for replying to these posts on the net but I saw you on the telly recently and was compelled to contact you and offer support. I was also in the position you are now in and struggled to get NHS IVF, Please do not give up, we tried IVF for 14 years, had 7 cycles and 10 embryos implanted and we finally got a fantastic result and I am now a MUM it is wonderful so do not give up my husband is the most supportive person to me and it is because of him we managed to become parents together. We did get an NHS cycle which was not successful and was some years ago. You mention that you are not currently in a financial position to go privately for IVF, in this country it is quite prohibitive but have you considered going overseas. Whilst this may seem a scary option this is what worked for us. My husband searched the internet for years and we managed to find a bone fide clinic in Cyprus, the Doctor is actually in the Guiness book of records for making the oldest woman (50 years in 1992) at the time achieve pregnancy, so he has a wealth of experience and has an excellent team who works with him. We were of course apprehensive in going overseas but we could not afford the UK fees, we got a deal with him for 6 fresh cycles over a 3 year period for about £6K. Most places charges more than this for one cycle, we just had to pay for our drugs on top of this fee but your GP may prescribe for you if you are lucky and they are willing to support you or you can buy them from the chemist near the clinic in Cyprus.

    Of course you have to get to Cyprus and spend a couple of weeks there but you get a holiday out of it as well so it is money well spent and you can get some great last minute deals, also important here is that you are relaxed as you are on holiday and being relaxed is actually really important when doing this. It did of course take some organising in regards to timing of cycles but it was worth it and they have a great success rate. I have replied to this post with an anon email address as we value our own privacy so you will not be able to reply to me , unless of course you can reply to me on this post I am happy to talk to you about this if you want to give me a phone number to call you on land line only though as we have an all inclusive package, or my gmail account The name of the clinic was Pedios IVF , the Doctors name is Dr Trokoudes and he qualified in Canada, if you just google them they will come up. they are in Nicosea Cyprus and deal with patients from all over the world, many from the UK, we met one couple while we were there, and also USA they are one of the oldest IVF centres in Europe and as such are well experienced. our first cycle with them did not work and we went back 6 months later and had another cycle which did work. There was no problem getting the second cycle and, if that one did not work I felt that there would be no problem in going back again for as many times it would take up to the 6 goes we agreed to. This way the clinic have a vested interest in getting it to work as quickly as possible If you contact them on line and ask if they are still doing their shared risk offer of 6 cycles over 3 years or any other offers, they are bonefide and I have no financial or any other interest in recommending them other than to perhaps help any other couple achieve the same joy we have. One thing I would say to you though is be aware that crucial to the process is egg quality and sadly this deteriorates with age after late 20's they really go downhill regards quality and success, Pedios specialise in egg donation and whilst you may not want to go down this route it may be your best option so do not dismiss it quickly give it some thought. I never thought I would be writing this sort of post but I am truly blessed to be a MUM at long long last, my other advice to anyone else out there is remember you and your partner are in it together for each other and when ever it gets sad and difficult just buy each other a chocolate bar and tell each other that you love them no matter what. one other thing, to those nasty people who say NHS money would be better spent on what they see as genuine health needs such as cardiac patients, liver disease or lung disease, I say how many of those patients have heart, lung or liver disease from eating rubbish food and too much of it, from smoking and drinking alcohol, they are all self inflicted on themselves and are totally preventable and waste billions of NHS money along with the disgusting practice of 'social' abortion just because some idiot could not be bothered to take a pill, infertility is a real health issue that you most certainly have not inflicted on yourself and you should not be penalised for it you deserve every chance as everyone else has

    do not give up you will get there, good luck

  • Hi the same thing happened to me. I'm now doing an egg share sceme as I couldn't afford private so I get the ivf for free and pay for the drugs and tests. It took me a few months to make my mind up but it's was good for us and helping someone else out felt good too. We only have to pay £1200 now. Can do ivf 3x the amount for full paid Ivf. Something for you to think about I guess.

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