It wasn't a ruptured cyst, it was a miscarriage, without knowing I was pregnant.

[honeyhills]

Apologies for the rant, I think this forum is the only place that people will be able to understand how I feel right now, because even I don't understand.

Over the weekend after thinking what I had was a ruptured cyst and being told at urgent care that I didn't need to attend A&E, my condition worsened significantly on Monday morning. I was vomiting, shaking, pins and needles in my hands and feet, shortness of breath and unbelievable pain. My ex partner was driving me to the GP surgery but as I got worse so rapidly he took me to A&E.

I was there for 12.5 hours, given morphine and every time that began wearing off the hyperventilating and shaking and horrendous pain kicked right back up. The initial ED doctor said I might be seen by genecology or might have to come back during clinic hours. I sat and cried my eyes out, begging to be properly examined (how ridiculous and embarrassing to have to beg for the bare minimum of an internal examination).

They took bloods, urine etc and eventually I was properly examined and the gynae decided I didn't need to be admitted but gave me a prescription of codeine and other tablets to reduce the bleeding and booked me for an urgent ultrasound on Thursday!

I was told to call my GP the next day to book more blood tests to check I wasn't anemic after losing so much blood and to check for any vitamin deficiencies. When I call the GP, she says 'I see on your discharge letter, you were in hospital following a miscarriage.'

I was not told at any point in A&E they thought I was pregnant, or could be. I'm on a double dose of the pill which I have never missed, to my knowledge there was no way I could be pregnant, yet this woman has just told me on the phone that I've had a miscarriage without even knowing and no one even telling me, she had to read it to me from my discharge letter?!

When I look back over the last few weeks of mood swings, swollen breasts, suppressed appetite, constant nausea and fatigue, I can see how I was pregnant. But I've been going through so much with endo symptoms, hormonal treatment side effects, my partner leaving me, having to move house, I've put the symptoms down to other things.

I'm at a complete loss, I'm already in therapy and this just feels like the tipping point for me. How am I meant to cope with this?

[Bespp]

Sending big hugsss your way. What a trauma you have had to go through and not getting the support needed hurts even more. Just wanted to acknowledge your pain and sending more hugs

[honeyhills in reply to Bespp]

Thank you, that means a lot x

[Hidden]

You poor thing have you got family or friends who can support you x

[honeyhills in reply to Hidden]

Unfortunately it’s tricky at the moment with Covid, my friends and family are very far away x

[Moonglo]

I’m so sorry to hear this my lovely. First, to go through your experience at the hospital, then to find out the way you did. There is a lot to process, and although we can empathise and sympathise, it sounds like you need a lot more.How far away is your family- are they even in the same country? Is there any way you can take some time off work (sick leave, even?) and go and stay with them?

I’m making a lot of assumptions, but one thing covid has taught me is to seize those times when you can. Sending big hugs.

[honeyhills in reply to Moonglo]

Thank you so much. All my friends live in other countries and while i do have family within a couple of hours drive, I can’t take the time off work due to being on a zero hours contract right now so no sick leave! Luckily I’m managing to not do too much as my manager knows I’m not well. My brother was going to come and pick me up but did a Covid test and was positive! It’s all a bit much to even process right now, especially having to be at appointments alone as well !

[Moonglo in reply to honeyhills]

I’m similar, my whole family lives abroad (I haven’t seen my mum since Dec 2019) and my friends are scattered around the UK.

Hang in there. You’re very resilient doing all this by yourself, and I’m glad your manager is supportive. Take the small blessings for the moment, and I hope you get to see your brother soon xx

[honeyhills in reply to Moonglo]

Thanks lovely. Covid has definitely shown how we take for granted being able to travel so easily to see loved ones. Hope you get to see your mum soon xx

[Moonglo in reply to honeyhills]

Thank you - she’s in a red zone country so not sure when we’ll see each other. We’re looking after ourselves and making do with WhatsApp. Hanging in there! Xx