sex in relationship

[R0517]

Hi all,

I wonder if anyone would be able to share their experiences of painful sex and how it's effected your relationship? I have a very supportive partner who is also medical and is great in understanding my endo. Recently my pain hasn't been great and I am also having constant bleeding, that straight away makes me feel not very sexy and then with the pain on top I just dont feel like sex. I've been feeling a bit low about it because I have always had a high sex drive and the nights we don't have sex is usually down to my partner being tired but recently it's been because of me. I'm not sure why I feel so down about it but last night he was up for it and I had to say I couldn't...I know he really doesn't mind but it just hit me and I got really emotional. He then felt awful and said he shouldn't have said anything but it wasn't him, i'm just upset at the situation and how Endo rules my life in so many ways. How do people manage this feeling? I never want him to feel unsatisfied and I worried if he was he wouldn't tell me but I think i'd prefer him to just be open if that was the case

x

[Hidden]

Hi,

I completely understand you, my partner also is understanding but I always feel like I have to give sex when he wants it because I am the issue and I know that’s not the right way to look at things. I have never felt pleasure from sex, always painful and I bleed too. I had a really a down night, one night we were having sex and he stopped and then said I know your not enjoying it so I’m not going to carry on. I got so upset because I felt like I was the problem even though he didn’t make me feel like that, but I thought if I can’t make my man happy then he won’t be satisfied etc. We do talk about which I find helps a lot I think all we can do is just be honest if we don’t feel like sex then they don’t get it simple as that and if someone can’t undergand that then they are not good enough for us. I’m starting to realise there is so much more than penetrative sex that we can do and that’s what I’m starting to research so make it more fun x

[R0517 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks so much for being so honest. I feel like exactly how you describe! I think also sex Is painful for me but I've tried to just ignore it and enjoy it but now I'm started to get nervous for the pain which is adding to everything. I think your right about researching different things xx

[Hidden in reply to R0517]

No worries I’m glad I helped!! Me too I think mentally we probably make it just a little more painful I know I do because I tense up knowing it’s going to hurt. I do try and relax as much as I can and sometimes I don’t even enjoy the foreplay because I know sex is next to come. But that’s something we just have to deal with every time will be different. I have found dressing up really helps me makes me feel really sexy which just makes the situation a little better it might not work for everyone but maybe try that and see. But definitely do the research the so much out there xx

[R0517 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much! X

[Keke123]

I’ve never been able to have sex without pain so it’s ruined all of my relationships. Sadly not met a decent guy where it doesn’t matter. They have all said it’s such an important part to a relationship.

I’m 29 and Monday I’m having an experimental surgery to try and cut away some of the painful parts. Not sure if it will work at all or make it worse but I’ve always felt worthless in relationships because of it.

The mental abuse I got from ex boyfriends trying to pressure me into it but then the pressure of me not being able to do it.... it’s taken me a lot to cope with that.

That’s obviously my experience of finding bad eggs and it sounds like you have a good egg. I would 100% just talk about it together. Share every single bit of detail of how you are feeling, what it feels like so they can understand and it doesn’t make you distance yourself Because of it.

You aren’t alone in this, you have him and he can support you through it! And talking about it will lift a weight off your shoulder.

Hopefully this helps. And I’m sorry you are going through this

[R0517 in reply to Keke123]

I'm so sorry you've had to go through that :(, it's really unfair. I really hope the experimental surgery works for you and you will find the one, it just takes time but he'll be out there somewhere !

[Leezlee in reply to Keke123]

Hi, Sorry to hear everyone and the pain their suffering in many different ways! I suffered so much pain in the past and so had the surgery 6 yrs ago and laser or cut down there and no pain for 3 years but also no feeling. The felling started to come back a bit but so did a bit of pain but I would definitely recommend it as you can have sex for a good few years completely pain free!! Unfortunately when the pain started to come back a bit my boyfriend got turned off sex with me and turned to porn and we no longer have sex or anything at all for a very long time ;-( Life is difficult as a woman with endo for sure and I feel like nobody understands unless you've got it yourself!! Good luck ladies xxx

[Keke123 in reply to Leezlee]

Hi! I think I’m having something similar done. Can I ask what your recovery was like? What was the post op pain like too?? I’m getting nervous at the moment

[Leezlee in reply to Keke123]

It was only a month and everything was fine after just painful bending and stretching, nothing to worry about but I also had cysts and an ovary removed and lots of endo's in various places, so yours will be healed a lot quicker than mine. It was the best thing I had done and I would have it done again no problem!

[annieorrell]

Hi, I just don’t anymore. I do feel really bad about it but the combination of pain, tiredness and looking heavily pregnant has killed any urges. My partner is great about it and it’s probably a bigger deal for me than it is for him. X

[R0517 in reply to annieorrell]

I'm sorry to hear that :(. I think your right about it being a bigger deal for you than your partner, I tried to open up about how I was feeling last night and he said there is more to us than sex which is true but still I feel awful. Hopefully things will improve x

[JordDamnx]

Hello lovely,

This feeling is completely normal. Me and my partner have struggled through my endo together! He's so supportive, together five years and my endo has been an issue for the majority of our relationship. We could go weeks and months without sex and he's still stood by me faithfully. I was constantly scared of the pain in relation to sex to the point it would play on my mind and my anxiety would stop me doing anything. I had my lap last july and been off contraceptives for 2 years and my libido is back 🤞 I find we can have sex more or less every other day if not two days in-between if the after pain is that bad. I'd try and find what aggravates your flare ups and steer clear of what does. Try different positions that are less painful. Or even just having a 'play' and no penatration. Hope this helps and best of luck to you! 💕

[Bikergal900]

I am awaiting a laparoscopy to confirm endo but I too had been struggling with having sex. It was so painful at times that I felt like I was being stabbed with something very sharp in my pelvis abdomen area. My husband is wonderful but I too felt awful about it. I've found it has really helped me by not having sex in bed and at almost random unexpected times has taken the pressure off and has 0stopped the stress building before the event so to speak. The mind is a powerful thing and if you start feeling pressured and anxious your body will naturally tense up and it will make harder and more painful for you.

For me my pain is worse the week before and the week of when I'm supposed to have my period but I'm using the pill to stop my periods. So those weeks we generally dont attempt sex but we will give each other massages, have baths together and be intimate in other ways. Using a lubricant can also help and i found certain positions like being on top or in the spooning position is most comfortable and less painful for me.

You just have to try different things and finds what works for you.

Try not to feel guilty and remember you're not alone. I've had so many people on here being supportive and offering guidance. I hope you find something that helps and works for you. All the best x

[Parvez_66]

Hello

I going through same problem.😢