I just wanted to know if anyone else feels the same. After I have physical intimacy/sex with my partner I feel so disconnected from him, and I get really emotional, upset, cold and just feel lost. I don’t feel pleasure at all it’s just pain, I have told him, but not how deep it gets as I just feel it’s not fair on him. The physical side I can deal with the pain etc but it’s the emotional side I always feel used and I don’t know if it’s because I don’t want to do it and that’s is what is triggering it
you don’t have to answer at all but if you’ve been assaulted this might be a cause - i know it is for me. my current relationship the first time she held me and let me stop half way through i cried because the option was so startling !! and i couldn’t have sex at all for a few months and we had to start very slow but it’s good now and she understands me and what i need .
i think you should tell him how deep it is to you regardless. don’t worry it’s not nasty to him or anything and if he loves you he’ll want to know how you feel especially with something as intimate as sex and it’ll be good for you to tell it to someone you trust and then you two can work from there.
hope this was helpful, good luck! it gets better i promise x
Thank you for sharing your story! Bless you that must have been so hard for you, I’m glad your in a happy relationship now! No I never experienced that, I do think your right maybe I just need to have another chat with him and tell him, I think it’s because deep down I’m not gaining anything from it and that’s what makes me upset and I feel like it’s a duty rather than anything else just to please him x
I don’t know if this is the advice you’re after but I’ve experienced pain with sex but mine is cyclical and I’m lucky to have two good weeks a month with no pain, but when it’s painful, it leaves me very much feeling the way you’ve described so I’ve discovered there’s more way to be intimate than just penetrative sex, it took a lot of communication, exploring and experimentation. Sex toys can be great, oral, foreplay, lingerie, lubes and massage oils, “self love” even can help you feel intimate without actually having penetrative sex, never force yourself to have penetrative sex with your partner if you know you’re going to feel this way, the pain isn’t worth it, just communicate, feel open, talk freely and let him know how you’re feeling, there’s more to a relationship than penetrative sex, just be open to conversation, maybe go on a website like Ann Summers or Lovehoney, explore outfits, toys, massage oils together that you’d both be interested in trying and just try and open up a conversation surrounding sex, this might not be your cup of tea, but regardless don’t put yourself through painful sex, just be honest and open with your partner, life’s too short to traumatise yourself and only associate something like sex with nothing but pain xx
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