Sex drive and feeling 'sexy'.

[PrincessFarmer]

Has anyone else struggled with this and would want to share with me?

As a preface I have suffered with, and have been diagnosed in 2018 with Endometriosis.

I've spent a lot time feeling really underconfident and 'unsexy' of late. I am incredibly lucky to have a very supportive partner who I have spoken to openly and honestly about how I've been feeling around my own body and sex. It is not that I don't WANT to have sex, but since experiencing pain outside of my period, especially during and after sex, and random bleeding afterwards, I have had anxiety surrounding sex, and a feeling of abnormality and feeling undesirable.

Again, my partner does everything he can to make me feel good about myself and has been amazingly open and supportive, but it still doesn't change my anxiety around my own body and around sex itself. We did some research as to whether this is normal and found (albeit written in a very clinical manner) that women with endometriosis do experience this. We have tried the advice on different positions to reduce pain which has started to help, but this doesn't necessarily placate my anxiety and general feeling of 'unsexiness' because of pain and bleeding. Often I can have happily have sex and have been good at commmunicating what I need for pain. Then sometimes I can feel fine and ready for sex, and then suddenly my mood will change and I will feel anxious and gross. My drive always seems to be there and then I seem to build it up in my mind and that can ruin my feelings around sex.

It would be both interesting and really supportive to know if anyone has experienced anything similar surrounding sex, as although I've read on a medical site that others have experienced it, I feel very alone and not entirely understood on the matter.

[MrsMarlene]

I feel exactly the same way! In fact I think I'm in mourning of my lost sex drive and sex life. I feel too sick to feel sexy or confident in my own skin these days, and my partner and I have stopped due to the pain and bleeding after sex. He understands and is really supportive, but it still makes me feel awful. We've been together 17 years and used to have a very healthy sex life. Now we're just left hoping once I finally see my consultant I can have an op to help the worst of the pain, and get some of my life back.

I'm sure this experience is very common. I have vaginal pain every day, just sitting down. Sex is a no go for now.

[PrincessFarmer in reply to MrsMarlene]

Thank you so much for sharing. It feels nice not to be alone in this feeling. I'm glad you also have a good support and I hope all goes well with your consultant xx

[Giraffe92]

I feel this exactly. Myself and my husband would have sex a few times a week before my pain started flaring up whenever the hell it likes, now it's a few times a month if that. And then when we do have sex I'm so nervous about the potential pain that I struggle getting "ready". One thing I have found helps is to find a really nice lubricant and don't be afraid to use it. At the times where I am really wanting sex but my body has had different ideas, this has been a lifesaver. I've also bought really nice lingerie and had it on standby for when I wasn't having a flare up, i spent a lot of time putting off wearing it for one reason or another (mainly my brain being self conscious) but once I put it on and went into the bedroom my anxiety eased a lot because it really helped to put me in the mood. You're not alone though, absolutely not, and it's so frustrating!

[PrincessFarmer in reply to Giraffe92]

Thank you for responding! I will definitely take your advice on lubrication, and getting something to make me feel more sexy ! X

[KTJohnson]

I have felt exactly the same. I was just out of a relationship when I had first lap and confirmation and I pretty much didn’t date for 4 years (that saw two more lots of surgery, hideous menopause injections, blood transfusions) I was repulsed by my body and felt gross, the coil first time round meant I was bleeding 25 days out of 30. It was miserable and I think One of the hardest things is you don’t outwardly look any different so friends and family didn’t ‘get it’ I just got bagged as to why I wasn’t dating. Or made people feel awkward... after my last lost of surgery in 2017 that finally seems to have given a longer reprieve, I did meet someone who was incredibly understanding and made me feel sexy again. So it will happen and come back to you, with endo it’s a physical and mental thing and both need to be in sync. It’s a bugger. But it will happen for you. ♥️

[PrincessFarmer in reply to KTJohnson]

Thank you ! The idea of endo having an effect on you mentally is so often not understood by other people! I'm really glad you shared with me ❤

[MrsMarlene]

One of the hardest things about Endo is outwardly you look the same, but underneath my skin I feel like barbed wire is tightening against my nerves and organs and feel sick, exhausted and in pain 24/7. I wish others could see how much we all struggle.

[Whoisthis]

Same here, it’s now been 4 years since w had sex, I want to try again after my operation but I’m so nervous it will flare up pain, it’s an area where we get no support, I’m actually going to get some CBT to try and help work through this.

Prior to endo we were fairly active so I know it’s something I want back in my life but I was happy to stop completely for a break and like everyone else have a supportive partner.

[PrincessFarmer in reply to Whoisthis]

Thank you so much for sharing. CBT is something I've also been considering so it's good to hear I'm not alone. X