I don’t know where to start with writing this. I just feel really down and snappy all of the time.
I’ve been with my partner 8 years and we have a beautiful little boy. I just can’t have sex with him! We haven’t had sex since December. I can’t go through the pain and I bleed during/after sex and end up in pain for days after. My partner was understanding but now he’s starting to make me feel guilty a little. He thinks I don’t love him anymore and feels I don’t find him attractive. Obviously I reassure him but sometimes I wonder if that’s enough.
I refuse to put myself in a situation where I feel uncomfortable and having sex is one of them. I was really embarrassed to tell him that sex really hurt so I used to make excuses or avoid him when it came to bed time. Then I started to feel guilty and so I would have sex and if the pain was so bad then I’d stop but it’s not really not fun. It’s actually my idea of hell. I went to my GP and explained everything to him and he referred me for scans and to see gynae and it was discovered I have endometriosis. I have been referred to a specialist now and not seeing her until June. I’ve been told to prepare myself for a laparoscopy so maybe after then, I can have sex.
I just feel that right now, not having sex with my partner is causing issues. We’re both snappy at each other and it’s become the norm. I don’t even want kisses and cuddles because I don’t want him to think I’m ‘up for it’. I’m a paranoid mess 🙈 no wonder he thinks I don’t love him. I’ve tried explaining everything to him and he says he understands but then he constantly brings it up so clearly he doesn’t understand 🙄
Please tell me I’m not alone 😩
I feel really down constantly and it’s a horrible feeling. Not sure what it is that’s making me feel down. I just assume it’s a bit of everything.