3 weeks on from lap: period, crap stitches, low mood, ups and downs etc

[IFB2019]

Hello everyone, I hope you're all keeping well and making progress with your journeys through the endo experience...

I wanted to post an update as I've been on a bit of an interesting ride since my operation. The first week I felt better than I ever dreamed I would, with no shoulder tip and minimal pain. Psychologically things were pretty good too. Continual low-grade bleeding/spotting and some cramping most days, but not overly given I'd had a Mirena fitted as well as the surgery. I was quite pleased with myself

Then after the first week I started having some trouble with a couple of my stitches - the navel one very tight, pulling in a 2cm 'bulge' of skin and fat and cutting into the skin at the puncture points, and then the lower hip one that seemed to be holding the cut open rather than closing it - a knot was actually sitting in the mouth of the incision. I ended up going to out of hours GP (on that glorious Bank Holiday, fml) and prescribed antibiotics. The tight knot was cut by a nurse and problem was solved. (Oh the relief as my skin expanded back and started looking like my own stomach again.)

The hip stitch has still not healed and I've been back to the gynae ward who've given me a second course of antibiotics and examined it. Apparently the stitch is now too deep to dig for without doing more damage, so it will have to dissolve on its own. It's formed a deep 'pit' where the stitch is, which is grim and will probably create an interesting scar. The doctors are not unduly concerned about its healing eventually by the way, but for me it's been quite nerve-wracking as I've never had surgery or stitches before and had no idea if they'd been botched by the surgeon, were dangerously infected etc etc (worry worry midnight thoughts).

My first period since the lap arrived after a week. It wasn't too bad (compared to endo ones) but I wasn't 100% certain if it was actually a period or something going horribly wrong with the Mirena or the healing. I spoke to the gynae ward, who were lovely and reassured me it was just menstruation, and rode it out.

At the same time, I've been isolated quite a lot and have gotten into some really low spots psychologically. My mum and dad who were with me for the recovery went home (they're 150 miles away) as I seemed to be doing so well a after week 1. That was when the stitches started misbehaving. I don't know if it was that, the general sense of vulnerability after surgery, the lack of energy and motivation or the pain and spotting, but it's been a bit of a rough ride. I am no stranger to mental health trouble so I had a lot of tools to cope, but it shocked me how suddenly I started feeling so totally negative and despairing once I was on my own and trying to weather the various challenges.

My dad has now returned to stay with me for a bit which has done wonders for my spirits and stopped me worrying about complications, infections etc as well as taking my mind off bigger topics that have come up in my general depressed-mood ruminations, like fertility, starting a relationship, starting a family and general 'what am I doing with my life' stuff as I'm in my 30s, no kids and single - until now, pretty happily so.

Yesterday I did a massive all-day meeting in London (2 hour train ride away from where I live) which went well, but I've noticed I seem to get cramping in response to over-exertion, and needed some ibuprofen to keep me going through the day.

So what I've learned so far and what I'd say to others in my shoes:

- keep your suppport people around longer than you think you need to, as recovery is for sure a non-linear journey.

- don't underestimate the emotional toll of being physically vulnerable and having things happen to your body that are invasive, new and scary - not to mention experiencing the cocktail of mega-drugs that are used to anaesthetise you!

- be aware that although an endo lap is a 'routine' procedure, it may have a big impact on your feelings and bring up questions about fertility, sexuality, mortality etc etc... but possibly only if you're a big overthinker like me

Stay well everyone

[LFriend45]

I’m also 3 weeks after my first lap (but having another one next week where they are performing the excision - eek) I, like you, felt better than I thought I would the first week and just had pain around my incisions when I moved. Then I got my period (like you, I was questioning whether it was my period or not but the timing was right) then I got a UTI. This week I’ve been having weird cramps and tingles in my lower stomach and my lower belly still looks swollen. I’m getting out of breath a lot quicker than I used to do too, just when walking. I think your body heals in mysterious ways!!!

I still want to crack on with my 2nd lap next week and get it all out the way while I’m in the same mindset and before I move house later in the year, but not looking forward to feeling crappy again, and likely worse than I did after just my diagnostic lap as I’m having excision and will have 4 scars instead of 2 to deal with.

And I agree, the mental torture is the worst - from googling everything before your actual op, to questioning whether you are doing the right thing (I don’t really have pain with my Endo, but I’ve been diagnosed with 2nd stage and at 34 I want a family soon so am doing it for that reason mainly) to being house bound and bored senseless while you’re recovering, to questioning your entire life!!! 🙄All off the back of a diagnosis 3 weeks ago which I was shocked to receive. It’s all a lot to process.

Hope you’re recovery improves. Take it easy. And don’t do too much. I think we are tricked into thinking we are better as soon as the effects of the anaesthetic wears off and we feel ok in ourselves, but I bet there’s still a lot of things going on internally we just aren’t aware of. Xxx

Ps I’ve also realised you’re never too old to be looked after by your parents if you’re lucky enough to be in that position!! They are the best!!

[IFB2019 in reply to LFriend45]

Huge luck and support for your second lap. I hope this time will be less mentally taxing in the run-up since you've been through it before. I had endo lasered out during mine, so since our recovery profiles seem similar, maybe it won't be worse or make that much of a difference?

Thank you, I think you're right about the healing. I have the breathlessness too by the way - good job dad's here to do any strenuous jobs around the house ;).

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I really appreciate this post. I’m currently struggling in many of the ways you were - stitch issues, healing at a slower rate than expected, fertility concerns, and ruminations. This has made me feel a bit better in the midst of all of my worry. Thank you.