Pressured to travel 2.5 weeks after laparotomy.

[marymary101]

I woke from my planned keyhole oophrectomy, cystectomy and endo removal on the 2nd Dec to find the op hadn't gone as expected and I'd needed a laparotomy. Recovery has been far more uncomfortable than my two c-sections and previous laparoscopy with nerve pain in my leg from being flat on my sore pelvis joint both during surgery and recovery at home

We've had a Christmas trip to Scotland to visit my brother-in-law booked for months. This involves travelling by car for 90 mins then flying to Edinburgh. I have only left the house for appointments so far and really don't feel up to the journey, let alone six days in someone else's uncomfortable house when I haven't been able to wear anything but pjs round my waist........ His family have avoided the issue as it doesn't fit their agenda and I would be viewed as having ruined Christmas if I prevented my children from taking the trip by cancelling.

Pretty sure this is entirely off topic but feel slightly better now I've vented.

Any advice gratefully received.........

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

Could you cancel but set another date immediately? So everyone can look forward to seeing you and your family?

If that’s not enough, tell them all that your GP has said you’re not to fly/sit in a car for a long journey. If you go and see your GP they may actually say this so you wouldn’t be lying!

[Hidden in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

I agree with Lizzielizzielizzie, it isn’t fair that they are putting this much pressure on you. You just had surgery!! I’d go to your GP to get a note saying what Lizzie mentioned. Sorry you’re going through a hard time.

[Hidden in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

While I like the idea of it being supported by the GP, providing your in laws with a medical certificate to prove you can’t travel seems ridiculous. They are not your employer, and you should not have to do or say anything more than “I’m sorry, but that doesn’t work for us anymore.”

[Starry]

You aren't meant to fly soon after surgery due to the increased risk of blood clots and thrombosis, I would check with your GP or surgeon on what the time limit was, it varies by duration of op and flight.

Look after yourself and don't be pushed into traveling when you are unwell xxx

[Hidden]

It is selfish of them, or anyone else, to expect you to travel while you’re still recovering from surgery just so they can fulfill their idea of what Christmas should look like. If it were me, I would postpone the trip until I was well enough to travel. “I’m sorry, those dates don’t work for us anymore. We will postpone” should be sufficient, because you are adults who shouldn’t need to give an excuse as to why you can’t do something. They should respect your decision. Any normal, empathetic adult would not expect someone to travel after surgery.

Another option, depending on the ages of your children, would be to send your husband/partner with the kids and you could rest up at home- alone. Oh, sweet, sweet silence.

[Lauraaa]

Don't go, I understand completely how draining travel is when you have had surgery. Your family should understand the circumstances and be supportive. I think Lizzie's idea of rearranging is a good one as she says, it will give you all something to look forward to

[ElizaEliza]

Absolutely do not go! It's so inconsiderate and ridiculous of them to put that kind pressure on you, I'm 6 days post 4th laparoscopy and I'm still in pj's and taking it very easy so I can't imagine traveling after laparotomy. I totally agree with Jughead, you do not have to provide them with a note from your doctor to "prove" you are unable to travel. Telling them how you feel is reason enough! You are completely allowed to feel like you don't want to go. You've just had a major surgery.

I think you need to stay at home with your children and husband together. I can't imagine it would be nice to spend xmas alone post operation. You need looking after and the comfort of your own bed and bathroom! As Starry mentioned it really isn't a good idea to travel so soon after the type of op you had, I once travelled 4 days post lap and I was in horrific pain and it really slowed down my recovery. Wishing you a comfortable Christmas at home!

[marymary101]

So grateful to all those that took the time to post replies. It had been cathartic enough to just write it down but really useful to have other perspectives.

Flights are booked for tomorrow so getting ready to be the grinch this evening.......

Thanks for the support when I needed it most.

[Hannah27]

Firstly, massive virtual cuddles it sounds like you have had a really rotten time of it! Secondly, don't out yourself under too much pressure to do everything as planned if you are still recovering. Stay comfy and relaxed and try to heal before having big journeys, it's so hard around Xmas. I'm sure they will understand, take care and be kind to yourself. And vent away xxxx