My Mum giving me no support

HI, am sure that there are others out their who find they don't have a supportive Mum. Am getting really depressed as my Mum continues to ignore the pain that I am in and just never asks me about the Endo or how I am feeling. I know this sounds mad, she's in her 70s so why do I still want a mum that can be there for me? |I try not to show my husband how low I feel about it as if I cry he gets so pent up with anger and he has a good relationship with my stepdad so don't want that to change. I have a daughter (after years of IVF got twins, one of each, am very blessed) and I would go to the ends of the earth to help her. My Mum who has money wouldn't even helps us with the IVF costs. I wish I could just shut her out of my life but for the sake of my kids and my/my husbands relationship with my stepdad I can't. It hurts so much and even as an adult it makes me so sad. I know I am blessed and people tell me to think of all the other people in my life but its like the child in me desperate for a hug. I would really like to hear from anyone that can relate to this as I don't want to burden my sisters.

9 Replies

  • Hi, I'm sorry to hear you feel like this. Sending hugs your way.

    I too felt the same with my mother, she would just say things like we didn't have paracetamol and ibuprofen to take when I was younger. You had to just sit in heat or cold with a hot water bottle, and so yes I can relate! Unfortunately I don't have the best relationship with my mother since having a diagnosis. She just doesn't understand and thinks I just have period pain :(

    My partner is supportive to some extent but I think he feels like he can't do anything to help. He tells me not to dwell on the negatives but it's so hard when you battle each day with so much pain and fatigue.

    I have only recently discovered this site and just knowing that others are going through the same helps me a little.

    Take care x

  • Hi Nikki, it was so lovely to get yr reply and sadly something that I have heard from other sufferers. My sister is convinced that for yrs my Mum just dismissed my pain as normal and if she had been more supportive I might have got diagnosed earlier. Sending big hugs. Is that right you are waiting on a date for surgery xx

  • I think it was only when I turned 16 and went to the doctors on my own accord. It still took until I was 27 to get diagnosed. I received a call yesterday to say I could have surgery in 3 weeks but then discovered that the surgeon was not on the BSGE list. Thanks to the quick reply from Lindle on here I was able to quickly find this out and then make what I'm sure was the best decision to wait for the surgeon who is on the BSGE list. It means ill have to wait another 3 months but hopeful of a better outcome that a surgeon with advanced skills will be performing the laparoscopy x

  • Its hard the thought of waiting that long but you are making the same decision most of us would make in your situation. Sending big hugs. Hope your sis is at least supportive and can give you hugs. Mine all live abroad - NZ, Portugal and Jordan and my brother in SA so guess who will have to look after our mother when she gets even madder :)

  • Bless you my mums exactly the same! I've been so low and have tried so hard to talk to her and she just ignores the subject and doesn't even answer me and starts talking about something else. I don't understand it either especially as she had endo too! It's so hurtful as like you say you just want a big hug and I can honestly say she's never really done that when I've needed it. I've accepted this is her now and I have luckily for the support of my amazing husband. It makes me more determined never to me like that I would never be like that with my two girls. Maybe they find it hard to cope and accept we have this illness I really don't know! Sending

    Big hugs and your not alone X

  • Thanks for yr reply and so glad you have a supportive Hubbie! I do too and wouldn't be able to cope without that. I have a boy and girl and totally agree with you. My relationship is completely different with my two, would go to ends of the earth to support them whatever the health issue. My daughter is 17 and thank God doesn't seem to suffer with her periods. She plays a lot of sport which helps. When we had all our fertility treatment and desperate for financial help she wouldn't help saying she didn't want me to be disappointed anymore but we persevered and I have my beautiful twins. Feel blessed in that way, just wish I could be a normal mum and not in pain all the time xx

  • Sorry to hear you feel like this.

    I got diagnosed last year and for the last 6 months everything has been flaring up again and worse but I feel like I'm not allowed to say when I feel crap as my mum isn't being very supportive, my sisters says it's because she's frustrated and there is nothing she can do to make it better. I think part of it is that she does understand what the pains like and that even a good day involves some pain just I can deal with it. Apparently she talks about me to my sisters but I rarely get to see her being concerned about me only when I become a massive mess or end up in a&e like I did a couple months ago.

    It sucks because when you feel crap, no matter how old you are, you want your mum even if they can't do anything just the support helps but I don't think they see that and just get frustrated they can't help.

    Just remember you aren't the only one and hope things get a bit better/easier for you x

  • Thanks too for yr lovely reply. Our Mums sound very similar :) ! My sisters say the same thing too shes just frustrated and doesn't know what to do but a call, email or text just sending big hugs would be lovely from her. She's from a different generation I know that and my granny although affectionate to me apparently wasn't a cuddly mum so I understand but wouldn't that make you more determined to be different. She doesn't get Endo, told me because I used tampax I had got the disease! That was really hurtful xx

  • I'm sorry your mum is so unsupportive. It totally makes sense that you would still want her to be there for you although you're an adult--I don't think the desire to be supported and nurtured ever goes away, but is part of being human.

    I can also relate to what you're saying--when I was a teenager, my biological family members (who I'm no longer in touch with) told me that I was just having pain because I wanted attention and that if I didn't want to be in pain, I wouldn't be. I wish someone had told me I was allowed to take my body seriously and that pain could be a sign something was wrong. Maybe I would've gotten diagnosed with endo before age 30 and before it got to stage IV with my organs being stuck together. Maybe I wouldn't be infertile now. I'm still resentful about this.

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