I'm not usually one to declare my personal life on a website, but I'd like to know if anyone else has experienced what I'm currently going through. Any one that has read my posts before will know that I was in a relationship that was sometimes very supportive and other times not (after 2nd lap, he decided to go on a night out, 2 nights out of hospital and back at home, whilst I was in pain and considering A&E attention). In our 2 and a half year relationship, I was very open and honest about the fact that I do not want children. I don't know how much of that is true and whether I am being defensive about my condition and feeling like I need to make the decision before a Dr tells me I can't, or whether I truly do not want them - to sum up, they give me the heeby jeebies. I'm 26 and have felt like this for nearly 11 years now.
We split up a week ago because his biological clock went off, and I'd done such a good job of not changing my mind for 2 and a half years, that I'm no longer the one for him. I brought up the fact that potentially due to my condition I couldn't have them anyway, and was told in so many words that the outcome would be the same.
I go through waves of feeling totally abnormal to not want children, but I would really like to live my life and they are not, and never really were, a part of that. I see lots of mums now (the irony is not lost on me), and I think it must be relatively easy if everyone can do, but it does scare me and I don't really like children (as an English Teacher, I also see the irony in that too). Is there anyone else here that feels the same? Has had a break up because of the same reason?
I just really want to feel normal right now.