Horrible thoughts and bad dreams?!

[GeorgieMarie92]

Since being diagnosed I have been put on a contraceptive pill and tramadole.. I'm not having a very good time on my meds and I'm so moody and taking it out on my partner who is absolutely amazing.. She does everything for me and constantly makes me feel better about it all yet I keep having thoughts of not being worthy of her and that she shouldn't have to deal with this for the rest of her life an she tells me I'm being silly and wipes my tears etc. When I go to sleep at night I can't help dreaming that she has found better and it's driving me insane because I then wake up in an even worse mood.. I tried not taking my tramadol yesterday incase it was that but when I went to bed I had hot and cold sweats and needed to throw up and was shacking really bad!.. My partner begged me to take a tramadol just to calm me down... This isn't me and I hate it! Need to speak to someone that understands?!

[quintintle]

I'm having exactly the same thing. Saying that, I might be no use because I've just come off the pill after 10 years and am trying the coil, and I don't take tramadol any more. But I've been having deep, detailed, intense dreams mostly about my partner leaving me or cheating on me. At the moment I am so irritable with him but I don't want to lose him but at the same time can't help feeling that he must be looking at other people because why would he want to stay with this - when we met things were so different.

I think that part of it is legitimate stress and I think that part of it is heavily influenced by the hormones we're on or have, plus the tiredness, which doesn't help anything. I wish that it would make it easier to shut the dark thoughts up but I'm finding it so hard, I spend most of the day with them circling and swooping around my mind.

I'm not being very helpful, it's just as soon as I read this I felt a massive jump inside me of I'm not the only one, and although I'm not sure if it is the drugs or the hormones that causes it, at least I'm not alone so thankyou so much for sharing this and I'm so sorry you're going through it. Your partner sounds very supportive, try to trust in that, it's so very hard I know because of the clawing doubts which don't feel like they're coming from you at all.

[GeorgieMarie92 in reply to quintintle]

I feel like I'm no use and the world would just be better off without me and that is honestly so not like me!! Thank you for sharing it is a relief to know I'm not alone on this one.. Because I do feel like as much as I explain it just upsets her more and she is sick of telling me I'm the only one for her and I don't blame her!! Iv got an appointment with the doctor tomorrow but I'm worried that he is just going to put me on more meds that will mess with my head! Argh!! :/ loosing my mind with all this yet I don't think I could face all this without her?!

[jalo69]

It sounds to me like you've got yourself into a state of anxiety. You're partner obviously thinks the world of you and I actually kind of envy you having a female partner. She will know how horrid periods are and will have an understanding that boy if normal pmt and periods are bad enough then endo must be unbearable! She will have a better understanding than any man!! I've had anxiety and when I do I try Kalms they're natural and soothing and night time ones will drift you off to sleep worry free. Embrase the love and care she's giving you and truly believe that she's there for you. If you become less anxious about something that's not going to happen you will feel better in yourself and you're pains will be lighter. Give yourself a break and don't let endo beat you down. Perhaps a visit back to Gp will help you might have to try a different pill if its not suiting you. Be honest with gp ,write it all down it will help you to remember it all. Big hug and think positive xxx

[GeorgieMarie92 in reply to jalo69]

Your right.. She understand how much pain I'm in and always runs me baths and gets the hot water bottle out for me and even just knows when to give me a cuddle or a kiss.. Iv got an appointment tomorrow but you are right it is just me worrying about something that isn't going to happen.. But then again if I carry on with this I am gunna loose her! She's told me so herself and I don't blame her.. This isn't the girl she met and yet last night she looked at me an said even if this was the girl she met she would still have fell in love with me.. Hate hate HATE that I have this and it has such an impact on my life!!

[quintintle]

By the way I didn't mean an excited jump, I meant jolt really as have woken up in a grey mood and was quite emotional reading your post.

I hope your doctor can help tomorrow, I tried antidepressants for a bit, they have helped me before, but I stupidly didn't really give them enough time and then started feeling better. I know what you mean about taking more meds. I really hope this all lifts and you start feeling yourself again soon.

[Chrissie66]

I'm sorry you're going through such a horrid time

It might be the tramadol. It made me feel absolutely awful, almost worse than the endo, I'd rather be in pain than ever have to take it again.

But any partner who understands endo is a keeper

[GeorgieMarie92 in reply to Chrissie66]

She is definitely a keeper

It is crap! I have been on tramadol for about 3-4 months now and had no issues until the last month and all this started .. Just feel lost!

[Hilary100]

Tramadol is quite addictive and I think the symptoms you experienced when you tried to do without it are withdrawl symptoms. If you can manage, try to reduce the dosage gradually--half or three quarters of a tablet. Ask you doctor for help to reduce them and maybe there is another analgesic that might be effective. All these strong painkillers mess with your head--hence the bad dreams and then add in the hormone imbalance with endo altering your mood--it is really hard to handle. Your partner sounds amazing.

[Kwiatuszek]

I'm on tramadol too. probably I'm addicted to it by now.I know how u feel.Im feeling exactly this same.Just not good enough to be mother wife and employee any more.It shows that people who really loves u will stand by u.head up u r not alone. Xxxx