my sister is pregnant: My younger sister... - Endometriosis UK

Endometriosis UK

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my sister is pregnant


My younger sister ( she is 23 and 5 years younger than me) just called me and told me she is pregnant and i am really happy for her, i love her to bits but i am not sure how i will cope. I want to be supportive and hands on and there for her in any way i can but i find it hard to be around babies in the general public never mind having one very much central to my life. My sister was on the pill and her pregnancy wasn't planned, i am waiting for my first lap which hopefully will be in june and i'm terrified i will find out i could be infertile. I tried with an ex for 18 months to get pregnant before i suspected endo and with my current partner we havent been taking any precautions for the past 3 months. I feel like such a cow cos when she told me i cried but not just happy tears, but because i wanted it to be me. I hate Endo why does it make me feel like this i just want answers, i am fed up i will have been waiting for 7 months by the time i get my lap done.

16 Replies

I cried when my cousin (like a sister) told me she was pregnant. I was happy for her and I think it was easier because I knew she was trying but she also knew about what I was going through (recently diagnosed, 28 and not in a financial position to try for kids) and she has been really supportive and understanding.

It may be that your sister will be more understanding than you think if you talk to her about this, it does depend on your relationship though. If you don;t feel comfortable talking to her maybe a close female friend? Counseling can also be great when you need an unbiased person to listen to your perspective and allow you to process it in a safe place where you can be honest.

You don't need to feel guilty for having emotions about this xx

Valerie Mondesir Alarcon

I know how you feel hun, I got pregnant at the same time as a friend I've known since school. Her pregnancy went fine but I miscarried at 10 weeks. I now see her in the play ground every day with her 1 yr old who would be the same age as mine if I'd not miscarried :( I am so lucky to have two children already, I had them quite young before the endo had taken hold of my pelvis. It is perfectly reasonable for you to have feelings of jealousy and anger towards your sister, she's got something easily when you've had to struggle. To give you a bit of hope, one of my friends tried for over 3 years for a baby, had a lap where they found she had polycystic ovaries, they did what they could in the lap and she then got pregnant 2 months later. Another of my friends had a lap because she had never used contraception and had been with her bf for 8 years and never got pregnant. They found a rugby ball sized cyst, removed it and she got pregnant within a month!! Another of my friends took 11 months to get pregnant, my niece got pregnant accidentally the first time and then took a yr to conceive the second. We are all different and you might find that it's something simple stopping you conceiving so try not to worry.

I am a little concerned that you are trying for a baby now when you're waiting for a lap. You wouldn't want to get pregnant, not know and have the lap done whilst pregnant, that's just not a good idea at all hun. I really feel your pain, it must be so hard with it being your sister too. Just remember that you're gonna be the best auntie in the world to that little person and it will love you. You just get to give it back when it's done a poo :)

Good luck with the lap, I hope hey can fix whatever is wrong....sending you big hugs xxx

I know how you feel, I was the same when my brother's girlfriend was pregnant while I've been on this endo / ttc journey. It got to the point towards the end of her pregnancy when I had to leave the room when she was around because I was crying. I felt ridiculous because I was happy for them but grieving at my own pain. But when I held my little niece when she was just a few hours old I was absolutely smitten and she brings such joy to our lives.

You're not alone in your emotions, I sometimes find that the hardest part of endo. Good luck with your journey xxx

my brother also has had two babies the whole time ive been on my ttc journey. He was only 19 at the time and in no fit state to be a dad. I made all kinds of excuses to stay away from my brothers pregnant girlfriend at that time. Until the day my neice was born, It may not be your baby but its the closet thing to your own. Being an aunty is amazing hun I actually found it easier to be around her than a baby I did not know. Now I have a nephew too and although im still ttc and find being around babies hard I adore them both so much and couldnt be without them. I believe you will feel the same. Just remember your not alone hun. Also try to relax (easier said than done i know lol) and fingers crossed all is ok with your lap x

I'm in the same position now, my first lap is 9/5/13 and I'm scared, like yourself me and my partner weren't using precautions for around a year and nothing happened. My sister is 5 months gone but once the baby arrives I'm confident my feelings will change, it is my nephew after all but I do understand the feeling of jealousy. Don't feel guilty as your not the only one xx

I feel for you hunny I to went through the same things i had 6 pregnacys and manged to carry 3 to full trem. Then at the age of 28 I had a hystercetomy but that was back in the 80s' when ther was not alot known about endo what made harder for me was my youger sisters and inlaws were having kids it broke my hart i did have my family but the throught that will never be a mom againe has hard and now 26yrs later i am going through the same with my daugter she has been trying for four years and is got to start the injections but all i can say is dont give up hope like i tell my daugter it dos not matter if it is natrual or a cocktail baby(mixed in a dish) there is still hope and at the last resort tere children that would love a caring and loving mommy and daddy but all said and done try not to stress as this will not help xx

Please don't give hope.Have your lap first , I got pregnant after a lap . I have three kids and endo diagnosed in my early twenty . I had my first one at 30 my second at 32 and my third one at 37 . I was told I will struggle to get pregnant ! Please don't give hope !

You have a lot on your side, the main one being that you are still young and have time . Let this be your mantra. I have been where you are. My sister in law who got married after me went through two bouts of IVF at the same time as me. Both of hers were successful , both of mine weren't . And my other sister in law got preg unplanned even without a stable relationship. I was very bitter and it was hell for a few years.i dreaded every Christening. It was time and adoption and a realisation that these children were part of my life that helped. Try not to be so hard on yourself. X

I know how you feels the same thing always happen to me but instead of me being jealous and asking God why did he screw up with me am always the one throwing baby showers, helping them calculate their ovulation when they are trying to get pregnant and am god mother to like 10 kids. So it does not bother me much cos I know one day I will be celebrate too

I know exactly how you feel, don't be too hard on yourself, it's so easy to feel guilty for feeling all those feelings, sadness, jealousy, anger etc but there is no need you can't help the way you feel, as the others said try talking to her. There was 3 of us pregnant at the same time at work they both have gorgeous babies but mine was ectopic so it was hard to watch them through there pregnancies as it should have been me too and now each time another friend gets pregnant its so heartbreaking its not me. I wish you all the best for your lap and hope you get all you dream of x

I know the feeling too. I'd had endo for years, we'd been trying for 2 years I'd just got an appointment to see an ivf specialist when my brother and his girlfriend announced their pregnancy. I was so, so happy for them but some tears were my own selfish ones. Everyone was so happy at the news and all through the pregnancy that I felt I couldn't talk to my family about our troubles.. A few months later my beautiful nephew arrived and I fell in love with him the minute I set eyes on him. He's 8 now and i have a niece too who I absolutely adore. I may not be able to be a mum but I'm the best auntie I can possibly be :-)

Good luck with the lap and the next part of your journey xxxx

I know it's hard and I felt the same when my niece and nephews were conceived. I have 4 older brothers and lots of nieces and nephews not to mention godchildren. But you will find a way. When the baby is born you will love it automatically and that love will override any fears or upset. I have played a large part in my niece and nephews life looking after them every Tuesday from the age of one and the time I had with them could never be replaced. I've known for some time now I can't have children and yes it's hard but were women and were strong. You will find the best way to cope for you. Good luck xx

I've had endo since my early teens and have two kids. Don't give up hope. Have your laparoscopy, give yourself time to heal then try again xx

Don't give up hope everyone - when me and my partner decided we wanted to try for a baby I couldn't understand why every month nothing had happened, this went on for over a year. We ended up sort of forgetting about it because it was becoming clear that nothing was gonna happen. 2 years after we started trying my period was a week late and it caught me totally by surprise because I had stopped thinking about it! Now I have a beautiful seven year old daughter!

Have you ever heard the saying you will find love when you stop looking for it? Well I really believe that for my case it was you will get pregnant when you stop thinking about it x

Valerie Mondesir Alarcon

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