first time on one of these and really need advise. Im 24 years old. In the last week or so I've found myself extremely anxious, hypersensitive and crying all the time at basic things, feeling so low I've had to call in sick to work. What seemed to trigger this is my boyfriend who I've been with for about a year and half drinks alot, might be a few cans a night to then doing shots of tequila on his own while I'm in bed. This really stresses me.out and as he alot of money and we've recently moved in together and he struggles to pay his way as he doesn't work as many hours as me. So this night he had lied about drinking and I woke up to find he had been drinking tequila and drank my wine and I just broke down. I've cried pretty much everyday since for about a week now. We've not had an easy relationship and I find it trust he's cheated in the past and will message girls when.hes bored. I feel like i am to blame as my emotions and the way I am pushes him.awaY. I've also had 2 miscarriages a year after eachother. One was 7months ago and perhaps.I haven't properly mourned. It was my birthday last week and we had a little house party with my closest friends and I really struggled to enjoy my time and had to ask them to leave after a few hours as I lost all interest and wanted to be alone with my boyfriend. I haven't been to the Dr's yet but feel like I'm.wasting their time by going in. I have low self esteem and have generally felt down for maybe 10 years. Lost interest in things I once enjoyed, don't feel comfortable with being in.big groups of people even if they're my close fRiends, sometimes.I feel like I can't leave the house. I've been told by a friend who had mental health issues that she thinks I have borderline personality disorder.

Sorry that this post is all over the place, just need some.advise.

14 Replies

  • Hello Vicky

    You have a lo going on at the moment and the loss of your two babies will not be helping you. Especially if the Father is not their helping you.

    People need to understand that trust is not given, it has to be earned and if this is not the case it can destroy a relationship, as can if two people have their own piece of the pie.

    Personally i feel you need to go to see your GP and explain how you are feeling.

    If you feel the relationship is wrong sided and is breaking down you will need to decide the best way forward. These decisions are never easy and you may need to take a look at your life and decide what you really want. No-on can tell you, only you can make that decision


  • Thankyou for your kind response xx

  • Hi Vicky I think most people in your situation would be upset stressed

    And Depressed. Your boyfriend seems to be a big part of the problem , if

    Someone was acting like that drinking and cheating, I would be furious and

    Would seriously look at the future of your relationship. Do you think

    It's sensible to bring children into this unstable relationship.

    Vicky you need to work on your self esteem and find out why you

    Stay In a relationship like this. Trust is very important and he should be paying

    You back rather than drinking at night.

    Vicky if I was in this situation. I would be very worried about my future, you

    Need to take care of yourself.

    Hannah xx

  • Thankyou hannah, I will take your advice on board xxx

  • Hi Vicky thanks for thanking me, that was nice of you. How

    Are things with you?

    I hope your ok, try and look after yourself as well as you can, pop

    On here for support too as it helps to get different views on

    Problems. Sometimes it's hard for us to help ourselves and we

    Often need a dig out, it's nice too that we feel we have support

    Here and that there are people here who will help us and

    Care about how we are doing.

    Hannah x

  • Hi Vicky,

    It's understandable you are feeling anxious and depressed with all that you have just described and you should know that it is ok to feel like that. Try not to blame yourself or put yourself down, instead realise that you have been incredibly strong to have endured all that you have so far.

    Things aren't going to get better overnight and, believe me, I know how tempting it is to just shut yourself away from the world but that will only make things worse. Take small steps: take a short walk, even just to the shops, meet a friend for a coffee and arrange it so you don't have to stay for long, if you can, have a massage (personally, I find them incredibly soothing and it's a chance to escape the world even for just half an hour).

    Most importantly, allow yourself to confide in someone who can really be there for you and not make you feel guilty for it. I'm sorry that your boyfriend is unable to give you that right now. If he's drinking on his own, it sounds like he has some issues of his own to deal with. It would be wonderful if you could help each other confront your issues but it sadly doesn't always work out that way and, although you may not want to read this, you both may be better off separately. That's something you can only decide for yourself though. I know how daunting it can be to split from a long-term partner and so often we stay with people just because we're so afraid to be alone, to feel even worse than we already do. It may not be something you can do right now but this is why it is important to build a better support structure with friends and family if you can and not isolate yourself, though I know it's easier said than done.


  • Thankyou Alex, it certainly is daunting. We fake break up often but can't actually leave eachother due to loving eachother. It's almost toxic. I want to help him get through the alcoholism but he just doesn't think it's a problem. I know if we split I won't get any money that he owes me back either. It's really difficult as he's the one who can make happy yet so sad. I will certainly be going to the Dr's asap tho. Xx

  • Hello, Vicky. My advice may sound harsh to you but it is based on bitter experience.

    1. None of what you are enduring is your fault. What you are going through would bring the strongest of people down.

    2. You are grieving for the loss of your babies. There is no greater loss than this. Grieve, cry, let it all out. This is the only way to overcome it. It will take time but eventually you will find a kind of acceptance

    3. Think carefully about your relationship with your boyfriend. If he cheats and drinks to excess, he will never be the kind of guy who will make your life worthwhile. I waited 20 years for my hubby to change his ways but he never could. It's better to go through pain now than later because it will only get worse. Save yourself for someone who will treasure you and be the partner you need.

    Please know that I send you this message with love and hope for your future happiness.


  • Thankyou myra! You're so right! I always run away from any problems and it's time to face them! Xx

  • Please go to your dr

  • Personality disorders are usually a fair bit more complicated that other anxiety disorders. Please see your doctor, more specifically, a good psychiatrist you can trust.



  • Hello viky

    How are you getting on now, are you any better??


  • Hi bob, feeling alot better today. Dragged myself up to the Dr's today and they're going to sort counselling out for me as I don't wish to be on meds- that would be last resort. My mother practises reiki and she used it on me today and a small.meditation which Has declouded my mind a little. Took a walk in the sunshine and saw friends so feeling alot more positive! Hopefully I can keep it up! Thankyou for your kind message! Hope all is well with you.

  • Hello Vicky

    Pleased you are feeling more positive.

    If you need support you know where we are