I’m new here. Kinda just looking for answers or advice or just some sort of reasoning.
I have been feeling low for about 4/5 years now. Something traumatic happened to me which is where it all began. I never really paid much attention as I assumed it would go away, but, it didn’t. I often thought about Suicide, ways to make myself ill so I’d end up in hospital, how I could just not feel pain. I got into a relationship with someone who knew I felt this way. He was very manipulative. Controlled me in every way possible. Whether that be the way I dressed, who I spoke to, where I was and who I was with. He physically hurt me numerous times, but, as I was so insecure he was the person I went back to time and time again. He was the person who despite all of that made me feel good, sometimes. Fast forward 6 months to this day, I feel my ‘condition’ has worsened. I’m over sensitive to things, constantly exhausted, always emotional, extremely insecure and I have a terrible fear of being home alone incase someone comes to hurt me. I struggle to walk alone in the dark as I get anxious with what could happen. I went to the doctors maybe a year ago, and simply broke down crying with how low I’d been feeling, I was referred to a psychiatrist, to which I never went. I was petrified enough to speak to a doctor. I couldn’t bring myself to speak to a professional properly, then it would make this real. Anyhow, sorry to bore you all, just need to sort myself out. I can’t cope any longer. I need some sort of guidance. Thank you.