Help

[keytohappiness19]

Hi,

I’m new here. Kinda just looking for answers or advice or just some sort of reasoning.

I have been feeling low for about 4/5 years now. Something traumatic happened to me which is where it all began. I never really paid much attention as I assumed it would go away, but, it didn’t. I often thought about Suicide, ways to make myself ill so I’d end up in hospital, how I could just not feel pain. I got into a relationship with someone who knew I felt this way. He was very manipulative. Controlled me in every way possible. Whether that be the way I dressed, who I spoke to, where I was and who I was with. He physically hurt me numerous times, but, as I was so insecure he was the person I went back to time and time again. He was the person who despite all of that made me feel good, sometimes. Fast forward 6 months to this day, I feel my ‘condition’ has worsened. I’m over sensitive to things, constantly exhausted, always emotional, extremely insecure and I have a terrible fear of being home alone incase someone comes to hurt me. I struggle to walk alone in the dark as I get anxious with what could happen. I went to the doctors maybe a year ago, and simply broke down crying with how low I’d been feeling, I was referred to a psychiatrist, to which I never went. I was petrified enough to speak to a doctor. I couldn’t bring myself to speak to a professional properly, then it would make this real. Anyhow, sorry to bore you all, just need to sort myself out. I can’t cope any longer. I need some sort of guidance. Thank you.

[Zoea]

I would try the Samaritans and Mind help lines in the first instance.

They will likely say this, try and go back to your GP for another referral. This stuff is real, there is no getting around it, why not discuss it with someone in a position to ease your symptoms and financial problems?

[Poorna66]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I know how you feel, I have been in the same boat myself and it seems to get worse all the time. I have however started taking baby steps to help myself. I went for counseling recently and was told that the longer you leave these issues untreated, the harder it is to address them. So please do seek help. It is next to impossible to do it by ourselves, we have to accept that we need help. In the meantime, please make yourself the priority. I hope you are out of the abusive relationship now. Learn to say no without feeling guilty, I have found that this is very very important for my sanity. Try to develop some hobbies, meditation etc. Eat well, try to exercise..all the common sense things which al of us know but don’t implement. The feeling good handbook by David burns helped me a lot, give it a try. I hope you find the peace and happiness you are seeking. A big hug to you. please do seek help.

[keytohappiness19 in reply to Poorna66]

Thank you for your words. I just don’t know how I could face therapy when I struggle to speak about this without bursting into tears. It took me 5 years to get the courage to go to the doctors and even then I just broke down. I don’t know how to address this, or even what to say, I feel like if I go again and tell them I still feel this way I suppose it makes everything ‘real’ and the fact that I am so low isn’t just a phase and it’s taking over my life.

[Poorna66 in reply to keytohappiness19]

I totally hear you, I am just the same. But the thing is that we deserve to feel better and by avoiding the issue we are only making ourselves feel worse. Once you go you may find that it wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. It will really help you trust me. Maybe try to make a list of pros and cons and build your courage slowly. Or if you absolutely cannot go then see if you can find someone who can treat you online. You deserve to feel happy, don’t deny that to yourself

[Findingme in reply to keytohappiness19]

Phases can last years unless you face up to the cause, however they can also end quickly when you find the answer.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi keytohappiness19, and welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you at present. As Zoea posted, try and go back and see your GP for another referral. You may find it helpful to take a family member or friend with you to the appointment for support. Perhaps another type of treatment could be arranged, such as counselling?Could you write down how you are feeling, as this often helps? You deserve to feel better and to feel happy. Please stay on the forum for help and support. Thank you and best wishes.

[keytohappiness19 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Thank you. Unfortunately, no family members are aware of this. It’s something that I keep to myself and I don’t like speaking about the way I feel face to face as I physically break down. I couldn’t care speaking to someone I know about it. I don’t know how to overcome this.

[Findingme]

You may need to combine therapy with a course of anti-depressants. Ask your doctor for advice on this. Sometimes you need to balance your brain chemistry to get enough stability to focus on therapy.

[marigold22]

It sounds to me that you may be suffering PTSD following the traumatic event that happened in your life. I've suffered from PTSD from a variety of traumas in my life and it's a mega horrible place to be..... I am sending you a private message on how I have recovered from all my mental health symptoms. Basically I started eating the Paleo Diet in late August 2017, and within 2 months I was like a different person. I think it's the paleo diet, but I have included everything I eat. Also I take vitamin and mineral supplements every day; all of them have a reason for doing so. If, for example, your vitamin D is very low, you will get deep depression and mental health symptoms. Also if your vitamin B12 is very low, you will get severe mental health symptoms. However, .... unfortunately doctors do not seem to know how to interpret blood test results. If for example the range for vitamin B12 is 100 - 200, and your blood test result returns as 101, you are within range but you will feel extremely ill and should take supplements of vitamin B12. I have learnt all of this info from the Thyroid forum on healthunlocked. So, you need to go back to your GP surgery one week after having those blood tests, ask for a copy of them, to see what your results are. The GP receptionist may roll her eyes, as they don't often get asked for blood test results, but you are legally entitled to have them ..... it is your body. If you look at the results, then look at the numbers in the brackets after the result, you can see if that blood test is well within the range or on the high or low side. Be careful though, as some results need to be high to feel well and some results need to be low to feel well. I use google to find out what the best level of any blood test is. If you need any more advice or info, please do contact me. Good luck

[keytohappiness19]

I don’t feel like it would be PTSD. I feel like yes, everything did start happening to me since that happened, but now I don’t feel like it bothers me. Maybe in my unconscious mind it does and it is the underlying problem.

[marigold22]

Hi this morning, I've re-read your Post and you say you get exhausted. I can totally relate to what you went through in your relationship. I actually married a man like that, he was 'well behaved' and kind and caring until we got married, following a very short courtship. I was very stupid to marry him so quickly but I was in my early 30s and knew nothing But after we got married his character changed completely, like a chameleon. He was abusive in every possible way - emotionally, mentally, verbally, physically and financially. Looking back he was a psycopath. I left after 9 months of marriage. However a trauma like you have been through could well have made your adrenal glands suffer and go very low. Our adrenal glands become exhausted from 'fight or flight' over a period of time, ie your brain is yelling Do I need to run away very soon to stay safe? The adrenal glands struggle to keep up with all the stress and it's a body reaction and you end up exhausted from the low output of the adrenal glands. At the end of the day, our bodies are made up of "ingredients", and if one or more of those ingredients is too high or too low, then we have horrible physical symptoms.

There are blood tests to check for low adrenal output. However from being on the Thyroid forum of healthunlocked, I have learnt that sadly doctors don't really know about Low Adrenal Syndrome; they probably won't put 2 & 2 together and consider Low Adrenals. They will see a mental health illness and recommend a psychiatrist. I saw two psychiatrists over a 36 year period and to be honest they didn't deserve the oxygen they were breathing. But that's another story

If you would like advice or info on how to go about getting a test to check your Adrenal Glands, please do contact me. big hugs