...and it wasn't as awful.
I'm not saying I enjoyed it, because I don't like running, but I think I've finally got my pacing sorted out!
I run by myself, and I feel stupid talking to myself, so the compromise is I've started lip syncing to my music, i.e. breathing as if I would have to if I were actually singing, but not making any noise. It's helped slow me down to the snail pace that I can currently manage, and as a bonus, helps distract from the running. I could have run for longer/further today than Jo Whiley told me to.
I feel like I'm making progress!