Sad but I have to run.....

It has been almost 3 weeks (on sat) since my brother died of a massive heart attack so young. He had no history of illness or heart problems, no family history and was fit and healthy. There are many concerns expressed that I may have the same possible fate which has curtailed my running and energy for it. I have had blood tests and if needed ecg and echocardiogram to rule out sudden cardiac death syndromes. But I cannot live my life on hold. I need to run for my own health, fitness and mental health. I have decided that I will run until I am told otherwise. I have only run 4 mile, 4.5 mile, 5 mile and a 7 mile since he has gone but now I need to get back to hm training and not feel guilty. He will always run with me.

[Decker]

Its good to hear from you RFD. I was wondering how you were doing. In your shoes this must be an extremely personal choice, but for what its worth, I agree completely. You cant put your life on hold for what might or might not happen down the line. I’ve done enough of that too. Stroke and heart issues are big in my family and its one of the reasons I took up running when I turned 50. Getting your tests done was wise and beyond that just keeping an eye on your health as you progress is about all you can do. Whatever path you choose, we will be here for you.

[Hidden in reply to Decker]

Thanks Decker. You are right, I will watch my health and luckily I have a wealth of medical expertise round the corner at work, unlike my brother whose hospital had no cardiac facilities. I am happy to see your hm training progress, especially in such cold conditions. I need a kick up my lazy butt to keep going myself! Hopefully we will both celebrate a hm in 2018.

[VictoriaRuns]

Hello, I am so sorry for your loss. It's brave and generous of you to share your experiences with us on here. It sounds as if you are being sensible. It is one of those things, where there are risks on either side and you just need to do what makes you happy, whilst taking every sensible measure of course. I hope running brings you some much needed solace.

[Decker]

Its good to have resources like that nearby. you sound like you are in good hands. As for my running, I'm just trying to keep up with the myasics run plan requests. They get pushy some days Yes - did my first snow run the other day which was really nice actually. Since then we've had deep freeze conditions. It is -20 out there today! I am spoiled too, as I have two free warm indoor tracks I can use nearby. I'm looking forward to reading your ongoing progress too - you've got this.

[mrrun Graduate10 in reply to Decker]

Warm indoor tracks??? Whaaa!!! Treason!!!

[Hidden in reply to mrrun]

Warm indoor tracks sounds a lovely luxury to me! I need some of this 😁

[Decker in reply to Hidden]

Ours are both in local community centres. First year I’ve used them 🙂

[Mike1942 Graduate10 in reply to Decker]

Indoor running tracks in Canada in winter time reminds me of an indoor skating rink in Dubai some 20 yrs ago.

[Decker in reply to Mike1942]

yes we have the indoor rinks too here too - not so warm in there though

[Decker in reply to mrrun]

Hey it’s -22 out there and I have a head cold. I will tale the warm track!

[Hidden in reply to Decker]

Oh my that is extreme! I can see a definite advantage of a warm track over frostbite and broken limbs lol. Hope you feel better soon.

[Decker in reply to Hidden]

Yep, not a big fan of the frostbite :). I enjoyed the snow though. Thanks, feeling not too bad today.

[mrrun Graduate10 in reply to Decker]

Ok, fair play, -22 is what l call serious business. Freeze Time. Well, l can certainly see the indoor appeal.

I did minus 1 with lovely head wind along the Thames a week ago and the looks on the faces of the drivers, from their warm cars, when seeing a weirdo in short sleeves and Chicago Bulls tank top, said it all.

I felt like a king!

[Decker in reply to mrrun]

Minus 1 along the Thames sounds positively balmy! What a great place to run. Sounds like they will know you are coming in that outfit!

[Hidden in reply to mrrun]

Runners in shorts and vest/t shirts in the cold make me feel frozen! Don't know how they do it!

[mrrun Graduate10 in reply to Hidden]

I wear leggings and basketball shorts, on top there are two layers but l will end up short sleeved. Of course, I cover my head/ears and there are gloves.

That day the wind howled along the river and l thought "that is it, l will now freeze to death and they will find me in the Spring, perfectly preserved".

What l did, l just ran, ran for 14K flat and basically got quite warm and comfortable after some 3-4K. Once the fingers thawed l was as good as new. (I know, I know....)

[Oldfloss Administrator 60minGraduate]

It is so lovely to hear from you.. and so sad as you say..but you must get on with your life... for your brother too

Hopefully your tests will prove helpful and go some way to reassure you.

There is a history of heart disease on my Paternal side of the family, and results from my various well woman checks reflect that.... ( purely genetic) I will run as long as I am able, also... to try to maintain the best level of fitness.

I know I was quite shocked that family history meant my risk level went up so much...but it must be so much harder for you.. with no history at all.

Carry on running, hold him in your heart and mind and I am sure you will be back on track soon.

[SaskAlliecat Graduate10]

What a difficult position you are put in but you can't live your life in constant fear of the unknown and, what sounds like, the unpredictable nature of this heart condition. You've taken the necessary steps and have access to the proper facilities. Take care of yourself, mentally and physically. We are here for you.

[Hidden]

I have been wondering about you today so good to hear from you. I don’t know what the ‘right’ thing is but you strike me as a fighter; a person who needs to be active and doing your thing. I wish you well Runfaster (actually your name says it all!) Your brother would be proud

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your kind words. I always followed my brother in terms of achievements, sibling rivalry perhaps. I need to keep moving and he died after a climbing session which means he wasn't sitting idle either. It has taken a few weeks to mentally decide.

[misswobble Graduate10]

Oh it’s too Sad 😞

I think you’re doing the right thing. You could go mad with it all. Running will help you keep it together. We can’t wait around waiting for things to happen. We can just look after our health, and live life the best we can for ourselves and our families. Your brother was doing something he loved 🙂

Enjoy your run. Your bro would want you to carry on 👍

[rolysmate Graduate10]

I feel for you and yes we have to go forwards

[Polly2810]

He will be there cheering you on...so sorry 😢

[C25KKate Graduate10]

I am sorry for your loss. You can only live your life in the healthiest way possible and running is important to you mentally and physically so I think you’re right to keep going. I hope you find some peace and resolution on your runs.

[JaySeeSkinny Graduate10]

Your brother died after doing something he loved. He didn’t suffer, feel fear, have a long drawn out death due to cancer, wasn’t crippled after a stroke and didn’t feel his mind slipping away because of dementia/Alzheimer or whatever. If there is such a thing as a “good death” that was it. But of course it is absolutely horrible for family and friends. For them it is the worst kind of death, out of the blue, no time to say goodbye, loads of admin, papers maybe not in order etc, etc. Plus the questions you are asking - could it happen to me too?

And of course it could. You could also be run over by a bus, be hit by a falling branch in a storm, be involved in a car-crash, terrorist attack, fire or whatever. We can avoid risk by restricting our lives, staying at home (no terrorists or cars there!), but it’s not living.

For you living involves running. So run your heart out, run for your brother, run for your family, run for you.

Big hugs from Munich. Thinking of you😥

[Hidden in reply to JaySeeSkinny]

Very true words which helps with perspective, thank you.

[Virginia60 in reply to JaySeeSkinny]

Great words xx

[aliboo70 Graduate10]

I think the fact you have done those 4 runs is a testament to your strength, when you run your HM you will have him with you in spirit and he would have been so proud. You are doing all the right things with the tests etc keep on going you are a very strong lady, I can only imagine how you are feeling.... 😕big hugs from Ali xxx

[Slinkymalinki Graduate10]

Good to hear from you. It will take a long time for the shock & pain to diminish and in time you'll be able to think more clearly. I still live in fear of getting Alzheimer's like my mum but there is nothing at the moment to suggest I will get it too. I have to keep reminding myself to live in the now. Don't know if you do this but I started doing mindfulness to cope with my mum's illness & it really helped - still does. Running is quite a mindful activity in itself too. Thinking of you, have faith in what feels right for you. Your brother would want you to live life to the full. X

[poppypug Graduate10]

Big hugs , I can only echo what has already being said .

Be kind to yourself, do what it takes to help you cope with the huge loss you have experienced.

I agree that you should keep on running if thats what you want . I always feel better physically and emotionally after a run ( even if its being a bit rubbish, if you see what I mean )

I am so sorry , we are all here for you . xxx

[pollyp1 Graduate10]

As poppypug said - I can only echo what everyone else has said.

I find that when I walk I think (it helps me to think in motion) but when I run my thinking is along the lines of: "step, step, step, step, squirrel!, step, step, step, step, bird!, step, step, step, step, nice view!, step, step, step, step, steady or you'll fall over!". It really helps for switching off (for me, anyway).

Do what you need to do, do what you can cope with. I'm not religious (but was bought up 'in the church') but I do think that people's souls are made up of our memories of them. He will always be there. Sometimes right in front of you, sometimes further away, but there.

[poppypug Graduate10 in reply to pollyp1]

I love this , Polly xxx

[pollyp1 Graduate10 in reply to poppypug]

😘

[Hidden in reply to pollyp1]

My first couple of runs were full of conversations with him and thoughts of him. During my last run the chatter was much less and it was more like he was with me but not consuming my thoughts, more mindful perhaps. As long as he doesn't expect a piggy back from me on the way round lol.

[TedG Graduate10]

So sorry about your brothers passing 😢 I know how you’re feeling. It was my sisters passing in Aug that got me into running in the first place. I signed up to the London Charity Santa Run on Dec 3rd in her memory and have now got the bug.

As you say, you can’t put your life on hold re running...life is for living 😊

All the best and take care x

[Hidden in reply to TedG]

Thank you, that sounds inspiring. I would like to run a hm for my brother with one in April. I need to get signed up to it.

[TedG Graduate10]

If you do, please give me your justgiving link 😊

I’m hoping to do the Reading Half in March....I may be getting ahead of myself but, touch wood, I’ve been injury free and running within myself up til now!

If someone told me I’d be running 5miles back in September, I’d have said they were raving mad 😊

[Hidden in reply to TedG]

March is not long now! Are you following a training plan? I got to 10 miles back in October but trainer issues put me back to shorter 7-8 miles. I need to increase distance again which I hope I can do. I plan to do the apb southampton half on 22nd April, gosh it's out there now isn't it?!?!

[TedG Graduate10 in reply to Hidden]

I’m going to do 3miles Monday’s then longer run on Thursdays each week, increasing it by half mile each week....5.5 mls next Thurs.

That should do it, touch wood! 😳

Not had any niggles at the moment so 🤞

Yes, your statement is out there now, along with mine 😱😊

[Hidden in reply to TedG]

Best i get and write down my training plan! I will run a shorter 3-5 mile on Monday and a longer run on thursday (up to 7.5 miles currently) with a parkrun on some Saturdays. Hope that will do it! Thank you for your encouragement, I look forward to seeing your progress too.

[TedG Graduate10 in reply to Hidden]

You’ll nail it I’m sure 😊🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

[ejvcruns]

So very sorry for your loss! There is no right or wrong choice here apart from choosing a good life - the kind your brother would doubtless want for you. Peace and hugs.