I'm feeling guilty....

[chloe40]

I actually didn't think of my loved one for a couple of days and felt guilty when I realised.

I know it's inevitable that this will occur given time but I don't want to feel that I've let him down, silly I know.

Did you forget your loved one for a short while, and how did you handle that?

Chloe <3

[LilyAnnepuppy]

I felt the same way once I realized I hadn’t thought of my daughter in a bit. But I figure that, like with all grief, it has its own life. And everything is okay. No matter what I’m feeling.

She comes back through songs, cardinals, crows, bunnies, my Facebook profile photo, etc. So many ways.

She’s always in my heart. Whether I’m aware or not. Life is for the living. And she wants me to live today.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Thanks LilyAnnepuppy

You're so right, guilt is a strange thing but I'll keep your words in mind x

[Caza]

This is a tricky one.

When our daughter died a vicar came round. I don’t go to church & I didn’t know the man. I invited him in as it was the polite thing to do. He sat & spoke to myself & my husband about the stages of grief & when we’d be ‘over it. I thought it nonsense then & still do. My husband took in every word & kept waiting for the stages to be over. They never were. & then he started telling us of people that he knows that had an older child that had died who no longer went out the man never played golf again because of the guilt. It had never occurred to me up until then that I should feel guilt at ever feeling pleasure again. I made up my mind from that day on that I would never feel guilt in enjoying myself. I do feel guilt but not for enjoying myself. I feel I owe it to my daughter & to her brothers to live again. Doesn’t mean that a large part of me didn’t die that night, it did but I choose to hide it. But if I’m having a good time I’m happy to go with it.

I’m not sure if your talking about a parent Chloe but I know that if any of my children felt guilt about enjoying themselves or not thinking of me daily when I’m gone then I feel I would’ve of failed them. I have talked to them about death & they very much know that live is for living. Feel sad now & again but lots of laughter for the funny times. But definitely not let it affect their lives. It’s there time now as it is yours xx

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Caza]

Thanks Caza

I always appreciate your views.

You're right of course, I must remember that next time it happens.

Chloe <3

[Greyone]

Both Mum and Dad's ashes are scatter under the same tree so i can visit them both at the same time.

After dad dies i remember having a conversation with a family member about visiting. I just said that i did not feel the need to visit dad as I felt i'd come to terms.

When mum died I started to visit her regular, weekly then monthly. It was only after a year that I remembered dad. I'd started a habit of buying a Sunday paper and reading it over a coffee in a local house. One day, on my way home for lunch I suddenly realised that after all the visits I made to "see" mum, i had never thought to think of or talk to dad. For a brief moment I found that incredible because i have always thought of myself as being close to both. But i only had feelings of emptiness after loosing them both. I did console myself with the fact that He did "see" me there even though i never spoke to him.

Now, when I go I always address them together, either mum & dad or both. Luckily i did not find this revelation too distressing and got over it.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Greyone]

Thank you Greyone

That's incredible, I think you are right about having comes to terms with your Dads loss, I thought that was rather lovely in its own way, and just shows we come to terms with loss naturally but our memories are always with us.

It's must be so nice to be able to visit both parents.

Chloe<3

[kenster1 Volunteer]

I`m reminded by them every day Chloe possibly because I still live in the same street and I have a picture of my mum and son on top of my wardrobe.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Thank you Hidden

Yes indeed, they are!

They live on in our hearts and memories and we shouldn't feel bad. I think about him often, little things that crop up in daily life, so he's never too far away.

Good to know you're okay Twinkle.

Oh yes, fine by me, and thanks for thre {{{hug}}}

Chloe<3

[chloe40 Administrator]

Thank you Hidden

I agree, I have always accepted signs of my loved one and it is so reassuring <3

Enjoy your day <3

[chloe40 Administrator]

<3