Feeling very alone

[Nelly66]

It’s been 2 years and 2 months since my husband died of Cancer and I feel that I’m going mad, half of me thinks he is coming home soon and half of me is so scared that this is true, I cannot seem to face life and everyday life without him here, the slightest negative thing that happens I’m in bits and cry and want to just run away, I have 4 children the youngest 17 and the oldest 27 they all have partners and go about their life really well, but I feel so sad all the time, but tend to not let them know that. I do not sleep very well at all, I’m very indecisive about everything. I feel I cannot express how I’m dealing with this to anyone because no one knows how it is affecting me. I just need him back 😥 just want him here, people tell me they have felt him and had signs that he is around them and I have had Nothing zero, then they say I’m not opening myself up to this. I now thinking he never loved me the way I still love or should I say in love with him still, we had a very special way with each other, we knew exactly what the other person was going to say or do or feel, but now I’m not sure that it was true because I have nothing from him, the only thing I get is nightmares and loneliness, because I was with him and in everything he done going through treatments scans etc 24/7 I stayed with him all the way and not just this time either for years I have been right in the thick of things and I would not have done it any oyher way. I’ve seen and heard so many terrible heartbreaking things not only with my husband but with other people as well. I’m sorry everyone for such a long post xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello Nelly66

I'm so sorry, really, you are in such pain but I do have to say that your husband loved you very much and you must never feel otherwise. The time has come to try and find some acceptance that he has now passed and if others are giving you negative advice such as 'they have seen him' then in my opinion, I would steer clear from these so called friends, this is the last thing you need to be told.

Nelly, please go to your Dr about you concerns and if you are having sleep issues, ask for help, also ask for a referral to Bereavement counselling asap.

We're always here for you {{{hugs}}} xx

Chloe x

[Nelly66 in reply to chloe40]

Thank you ❤️

[Hidden]

Hello Nelly66, I hear your pain and know the struggle with everyday life. Is there someone close to you that you can reach out to and talk about the way you are feeling? Maybe make an appointment with your doctor to arrange some bereavement counselling. When you need help the hardest thing is to reach out.

You are still grieving for your dear husband and I know the pain of losing a soulmate. My partner passed away it will be four years this November. I think about him every day and I love him as much today as ever. I still have times when I am stopped in my tracks by my grief and do not want to go on and yet I do, one day at a time. My life will never be the same again but I have started to pick up the pieces of my shattered life, albeit very slowly and I am starting to enjoy simple things again. I try to get out every day, I know it is really really hard but is there a cafe near you that you could go to? Maybe take something to read for example a magazine. If you are not up to reading look at the pictures. Try to get out if you can, the hardest part is getting out the front door. Try and take small steps each day and be kind to yourself, take care

Lottie

[Gambit62]

Nell, there is no time limit on grief and no way of knowing how it will affect you.

Personally I'd ditch a friend who told me I'm not opening myself up and that is why I can't feel someone's presence. Really not helpful and sounds as if they are pushing a particular agenda.

One of the things about grief is that it includes a stage when you are actually remember the person as they were dying rather than when they were living. One of the things a good funeral director will try to do is get loved ones talking about memories of when the person really was alive and this is something you could quite usefully do with your children or others who were friends with both of you. If you have some photos of happy times then may be you could look through those with one of the children/a friend.

I found that it really helped me cope with my father's death to have a pair of his old reading glasses at the top of the stairs to remind me that he really had been alive.

If you can't share with friends then may be you could put up some posts sharing memories of good times here - family holidays, the birth of your children, events around their schooling, how you met

[Nelly66 in reply to Gambit62]

Thank you Gambit62 I will make sure we remember Neal in a good way with the children which we all try and do now, there are still difficult times but I will try hard for me and them xxxxxxxx thank you xxxxxx

[Greyone]

Hi there Nelly.

After little more than two years , i hope you soon reach calmer waters..

Maybe one problem is sharing your grief and thoughts with your Children. If if they are all or nearly all Adults i would hope they would be happy to comfort you if they knew how things were. Do you think you could share your thoughts with them ? Do they still visit you periodically ? If not then maybe a nod from a mutual friend or any time they just pop round you could share your feelings over a quick cuppa. At this time family get togethers are so vital to our health and well-being.

Maybe even an evening phone call before bed time would help ease your mind. If its difficult to find someone to talk to the try Cruse Bereavement Care, i found them very sympathetic and they may be able to suggest ways for you to unburden yourself.

I'll keep one eye open for any replies and posts in the future.

Good luck

[Nelly66]

Thank you Greyone I do see my children, 3 live with me and the eldest doesn’t. I have to be ok around them because they went through so much too, our dog died of a broken heart and went on good Friday after my husband died then their grandad also died in the street gone just like that 10 months after my husband, he also died of a broken heart we all think that because Neal and him were so close as dad and son. It hasn’t been easy at all for any of us but we will make more memories together. Xxxxxx take care and thank you for your support xxxxxxxxxx