Do you find Bank holidays make your....

[chloe40]

grief recur or feel even worse?

I know I do, I have no idea why that may be but it definitely does for me, suffice to say, I'm not looking forward to this weekend, I'm feeling it already.

Chloe

[kenster1 Volunteer]

hi chloe spring bank holiday folk have barbecues invite family over or even friends.if someone is missing from our lives then the holiday doesn't feel the same.like Christmas new year holiday weekends are usually spent with family.hope you get through the holiday ok.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to kenster1]

Hi Kenny kenster1

You're absolutely right of course, families get together at these times as you say. No idea why my brain didn't pick up on that Kenny, it makes so much sense.

Hoping you're okay and sending best wishes to you and yours.

Chloe x

[Greyone]

I used to think so. But being a home person for over two years now I used to find that what you say is so because time weighed heavy on my mind and that it did not have to be a bank holiday to inflame my grief.

I'm on my own at home all day and must admit that I do feel sad any lonely and it pours out of me in the mornings. That is when I feel tempted to go see mum and dad. In the past I have rushed there and back, sometimes stopped halfway but also talked myself into calm.

I agree with what you say in the same way as celebrating anniversaries and I'm sorry to see that your question "Let's share the good memories" has not had any more replies. My counsellor said what I suppose is inevitable about not dwelling on it, thinking of happy things not sad things is a sort of reflex but very true speech.

Today (Sunday) being the end of the month is also my day for visiting mum and dad and following the advice of a friend I have decided to treat myself without worrying about the rights or expense.

Many folks including Churchill have misquoted or paraphrased George Santayana when he originally said: "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.". Maybe that is our problem because we keep repeating ourselves and not learning. This lovely HU community is a good place to share our grief and comfort but maybe sometimes we help perpetuate our grief.

I'd dearly like to see a few more stories in addition to mine in the thread "Let's share the good memories", that would help us all !!!

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Greyone]

Hi Greyone

Those of us who are at home a good deal of the day have too much time to think, this is why I try to occupy my mind as much as possible, although we can't be busy every waking hour. We need to set aside time to think about our loved ones and time to carry on with everyday life too!

Yes, more happy memories please.

Chloe

[Greyone in reply to chloe40]

So I have taken up with the idea of setting aside time to remember my mum and dad. I have set aside Sunday morning to remember. I still live in the house that sued to be my parents so they are both around me all the time.

For me, I think the key is to be positive and productive about grieving and remembering, as my story elsewhere. I will be honest here and say I have been lucky about this because being with mum a lot in her final years, her story unfolded before me in a timely manner so I thought each stage of her ending was timely and appropriate. As a point of interest, which made it difficult for us as a family I think was our inexperience. Maybe we should all go on a training course before these things happen. I think there is plenty of knowledge and experience all around to make that possible.

Today was very strange with the bank holiday because being the end of the month, it is when I go to visit them as well. So for this long weekend, I mark bank holiday and my visit with little changes and treats. On Sundays, I sometimes shop and when it coincides with a crem visit, after my shop I have lunch in Costa in Tescos. Today it was Latte, Toastie and cake and as I ate and drank I remember them with... For tea today I am having a big plate of salad sandwiches, a very nice quarter of pork pie and an evening out to celebrate life/ our life and theirs because mum used to enjoy preparing us a lovely spread for tea every Sunday. Tomorrow when I have my kippers I will remember mum in her care home because I once asked her the best way to serve kippers. She said to me Carrots, leeks and boiled potatoes. So as I prepare and cook and enjoy my meal I will think of them both, but her especially and out chat in her home about kippers.

I hope you all find ways to turn this long weekend into a wonderful time too. Good luck.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Greyone]

Greyone

What an absolutely excellent way to use your 'thinking time'

Now as a foodie, I notice it all involves food and in fact food plays a major part in bringing back memories in my opinion. I could think of so many memories of my Mum and food, she was a good cook, even my Nan.

When you mentioned pork pie, I melted, absolutely love them but avoiding at the moment ha ha!

Regarding learning about grief, well that's a separate post altogether, so I hope you don't mind posting about that. I have lots to say.

Chloe

[Greyone in reply to chloe40]

Will do and {{{hugs}}}

[GoGo_JoJo]

I am generally working on bank holidays so don't suffer.

I find the run up to such dates as mother's day/father's day and the various anniversary dates worse.

Sometimes it catches me out when like kenster says folk are talking about family get togethers.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Yes GoGo_JoJo

Very unsettling when that happens, I remember busting into floods of tears in the most inappropriate places, its just something you can't control.

Chloe