advice

[Caza]

I’m in a very sad situation where three very close friends have been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I’m finding it really difficult to know what to say, how to handle it without it affecting my life. I’m sorry if that sounds selfish it’s just that I’m trying so hard to keep my head above the water. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

[Turnipgirl]

No it's not selfish at all and it must have been a right shock for you when you found out.

Selfish in my view is banging on and on when you have been told no to something and won't take no for an answer hoping if you bang on and on you will get your own way regardless of how anyone else feels!

That really is selfish!

I have been accused of being selfish when I refused to give selfish people their own way and never did give into them either!

My advice is take one day at a time if that's any help to you.

[Caza in reply to Turnipgirl]

Yes you’re right. I’m trying really hard to put them out of my head when I’m not with them which makes me feel guilty. I know that things are about to get a lot tougher & I will step up to the mark just sooner not.

[Sandradsn]

It's a really sad time,I don't have any advice really.If we're grieving it's hard to take on more sadness,sometimes I feel it's never ending .I suppose try and be there for your friends when you can and feel up to it yourself.

[Caza in reply to Sandradsn]

Yes it’s true, it is hard to take on more sadness & it just seems that there’s a lot sadness out there atm.

Just wondered if there are widows/widowers out there that could offer advice on how best to help my friends?

[Hilomom]

I lost my husband of 46 years last May. What I found most helpful is just knowing people are there for me. I would suggest that whatever you do...make an offer to do something or just sit with your friends, to do it from your heart and be ok if they say "no". Grief is an extremely lonely place to be and unless you are in those shoes, you can't know what someone needs. Just make the offer and then step back. I would also suggested you Google Barbara Karnes. She was a hospice nurse and has a bunch of really good, simple to read and understand, material. She explains so much of of the dying process and how to approach it. Please look her up.

[Caza in reply to Hilomom]

Thank you for this. I will look up the lady. My friends know I’m there for them 100%. Guess it’s more do I talk about their illnesses do we talk about death funerals or will it be the elephant in the room? I guess I’ll be lead by them. We have got a couple of fun days booked in the near future. The book will be very helpful. Thank you.

[Caza in reply to Hilomom]

Have ordered the booklets. Thanks.

[kenster1 Volunteer]

that`s a tough one Caza sorry to hear that obviously they are good friends so you`ll know how each of them are coping after the diagnosis if they are at peace with it that could help you as well in the short term but I`d try look at it as individual cases and just do your best. It`s a tough one to give advice for being three but I`d try and just look at each individual and try and process what`s happening and maybe plan ahead.