Nearing my dad's 1 year loss anniversary

[Aisha12]

My dad passed away on the 25th of May 2017, and since then every time the date hits 25th on every month I feel like I’m reliving that whole traumatic experience of losing him again. Yesterday was 10 months exactly since my dad passed away, and the more time that’s passing the more depressed I’m feeling. I don’t want time to pass, because atm the thought that he was with me this time last year is what is keeping me going. Knowing this time last year we were both together is comforting to me. But I know once I pass 25th of May, I can no longer say that. I feel like he’ll become more distant to me then he already is. I’m so scared about nearing May. I don’t know how I’m going to get through the day. Has anyone experienced the same kind of feelings?

[kenster1 Volunteer]

hi I'm sorry for your loss.i experienced this too with the loss of my son and my mum.i was like that for a few years but in time it was just like a month before I start suffering.i think its just natural for us all.on your dads anniversary you and other family members should be together to help you through the day even take a friend with you.my mum has been dead 9 years and its never just a memory from time to time I think I hear her calling my name her voice will be with me forever just like your dads.come on here also from time to time and we on here will support you also.god bless take care.

[Aisha12 in reply to kenster1]

Thankyou for replying. Seeing other people going through similar experiences is really comforting in the sense I know I’m not alone in all this. I think more than anything I’m just really afraid of becoming distant from my dad. I feel like time will distance his memories from me which freaks me out. But I think I’m wrong in thinking like that. I hope you’ve grown from your experiences and process in losing your loved ones. Losing one person close to you is bad enough, but to lose any more is unimaginable. I think that’s what scares me more now, about losing another close loved one. Thanks again for your reply xx

[kenster1 Volunteer in reply to Aisha12]

hi no worries glad to try help you along the way you can never take the loss of a loved one from your mind or from your heart great memories will be with you forever.take care.

[mysmugcat]

Yes I understand. Mine is beginning of May my partner I get more and more fearful. I hope I see a friend or someone that day distance and health is an issue for me.

[2stroke]

Losing someone so close is heart wrenching,i'm into nearly 3 years since my wife died

from cancer,and life seems so pointless now, to go with that i've had 2 strokes since,and depression,heartache,and pain are my companians now.they say it gets easier later on.

[Aisha12 in reply to 2stroke]

I’m so sorry for your loss. Yes, I think seeing someone on that particular day is a must. You shouldn’t be alone. I know that if the mind is stressed and worried, then that too can aggravate existing health conditions. I hope you’re feeling better soon

[Natsteveo]

Hi Aisha12 please except my sincere condolences.

I totally understand how you feel you relive that entire day all over again I do to with my mum's which is 25th March I feel the same feelings and heartbreak you felt comes back and you feel it all over again and relive it and it's so traumatic and heart breaking..You have to give yourself time my friend it's only been 10 months it's still early days for you just yet..believe me your dad will never be distant from you he will always be with you at the minute you may not think it because I've been there and so has everyone else on here but he will live inside you his memory and existence will always live on in you..25th of may will come and you will grieve again and you wiĺl be very upset but when it comes embrace it..except the day is here...grieve my friend let all your tears flow have your moment..do something in his memory like put a plant in the garden for him so you can watch it bloom for him..it's very hard it really is you will never get over your loss but somehow you pull through everyday and every anniversary because you love them that much to live for him keep his memory going

Hope this helps

Nat

[Aisha12 in reply to Natsteveo]

Thank you so much Nat for your comment. You can’t imagine how much it helps when I get words of advice from people who have experienced something similar. It’s funny, because a few days ago my dad’s friend randomly approached me and told me my dad lives in me now, and she can see it. There’s things I do or say that is proof that she feels my dad would do and say. And she feels it’s a sign from him to her. And now reading what you’ve said about him living inside me just reinforces that. Thank you so much for your soothing words. I know it’s going to be incredibly hard, but you’re right. I have to get through it for him. I’m going to plant something on that day too. X

[Lperica10]

Yes I’ve experienced this. I lost my dad 10-12-16. I keep thinking it will get easier but it’s not. I miss him so much and think about him everyday. I think about calling him all the time to tell him something that is going on in my life. I replay memories and things that happened in the end. Conversations, etc. I don’t know if it’ll ever pass. And I also think I’m 33 now and I will not have my dad for the rest of my life. It’s hard. I wish I had something better to share with you. But I did want to let you know you are not alone. I am here if you ever want to talk. 💙 I also have voicemails from him but I no longer listen to them as they r too painful to hear him but I know that they are there. ❤️

[Aisha12 in reply to Lperica10]

I completely understand. I have pictures of my dad that I can’t even look at. Every time I do it literally takes my breath away. I feel like I’m about to choke and I start coming on with a panic attack. Hearing his voice is out of the question for me at this stage. I have a video of him in my phone talking. It’s comforting to know I have his voice in my phone, and all the pictures, but I just can’t listen to them or even see them. I may never be able to, but it’s nice to know it’s there. Thank you for your comment. I don’t feel alone when I see comments like this because i know I’m not battling this alone.. I hope we both get to a stage where our loved ones memories no longer give us pain, but ease. X

[Natsteveo]

I'm so glad I soothed you with my words with me I look for signs I know it sounds daft but when I miss my mum (which is everyday) but on anniversary and and birthdays I always talk to her in my head or out loud and ask her to show me a sign she's around and can hear me..and I will receive one it could be anything but it will always be something that validates they have answered like you will hear a song that means something or a robin redbreast in the garden or where u are or a feather anything like that I don't feel her around as much now as it's been 11 years but I talk to her and I still get a sign and i feel her in my mind and my heart every day..Love lives forever my friend not even death can make love disappear...A heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved and a life that's been loved is a life that's been lived....you are your father's daughter he will live in you forever

Nat x x

[Aisha12 in reply to Natsteveo]

Oh wow, you’ve just blown me away with your words of wisdom. You seem like such a beautiful person, you’ve touched my life, and I hope with your words of comfort you touch other people’s lives too. It’s crazy how a few words can affect someone so much. Your mum must be really proud of you, it seems like you’ve come a really long way in dealing with her loss, and you must’ve grown so much as a person too. I hope in years to come I see this process as you do.

My dad’s friend mentioned that she gets signs from my dad just how you get them from your mum. Hearing a particular song, or something else of the sort. The signs I feel like I get is seeing him in my dreams. It’s the only thing keeping me sane atm, seeing him in my dreams. The dreams feel so real, when I wake up it’s as though I can still feel his presence.

Thanks again so much! X

[Natsteveo in reply to Aisha12]

Thank you so much my friend that means the world to me that you have said these nice things..I try to do my best for everybody in need and I find this group is very close to my heart I also have a lot of support here too..in time the pain does ease but you will always feel your loss because he's your loving father you won't ever get over it but you pull through it the best you can somehow we find the strength to maybe it's from our loved ones who has passed giving us more strength we was born with...who knows. When we dream about our loved ones that is most definatly your father trying to tell you Hes still there in your dreams meaning he's still very much with you..I do strongly believe that when I first lost my mum I was inconsolable I couldn't function I wouldn't get out of bed I cried constantly I literally felt my heart break...but a few years ago I dreamt of her from when I was a child her laughing me hugging her being close and she said to me in my dream "your going to be ok ill always be your mum...you have always been my angel...now I'm yours

And when I woke up I felt at ease a little but my dream was right she is now my angel..so is you lovely father you have your memories your love you shared him as a father nobody can take that away from you ever...you will have good days and bad your grieving just know your not on your own here we will always be here to support you..

Take care my friend

Nat x x