Very overwhelmed and very alone

[Kimmy14263]

I'm not sure what is happening with me. I feel like I am being haunted. The last day I spent with my sister before she died that night, all the things we did and talked about just seem to be everywhere. We ate Mcdonalds for dinner, 5$ meal deal, and I can't escape all the 5$ meal deal adds. Or how she texted me that night, she used an explanation point. Now I see an explanation point and I can barely stand it. At the gas station she wanted a reeses so I got her one and I mean they are in every single store. All these small things are deeply bothering me. I feel sick, I feel like I am trapped in a nightmare. A few days ago, someone texted me and they used an explanation point, I don't know what happened, I lost control of myself, I broke a large glass vase, I was filled with so much dread and anger. The morning I found her I thought she was just sleeping in. I picked her lock open just to check on her and make sure she was sleeping. I hate opening doors now, I try to ignore it but I can't even open my bedroom door without feeling like she will be dead on the floor when I do. I'm not sure what this is, it is completely running me. My dad said "and it's such a nice day out" when he got to out house and they were removing my sister from her room. Now when he talks about the weather, I feel sick, I hate it so much, I wish he would stop. I am alone everyday which gives me free range to openly lose my mind. I still try to keep myself contained and busy. Showers used to help a lot but I can't even do that anymore. Bathrooms make me think about my sister dying. She had thrown up and struggled on her bathroom floor. Today I laid on the bathroom floor just screaming and crying into a towel. This is not living, and I seem to be the only one in my family that is experiencing this. With the holidays happening this is all too much. I feel more then overwhelmed. I'm afraid of how much worse this will get, I feel I have no control.

[Caza]

I really feel for you. I can feel your pain. I think what you are experiencing are flashbacks. A sound a smell a sudden image can bring back all the horrific details. I suspect you have PTSD. You need help please seek medical attention. I promise you it will get better with the right help. You make you take care of yourself & please seek help As for the others people grieve in different ways it doesn’t mean that they’re not hurting as much as you x

[Kimmy14263 in reply to Caza]

I really didn't want to let that be a possibility, I already have a lot going on and I'm scared. But thank you for making me feel a little less alone, I will see if I can get an appointment. I know others are hurting too, I can tell they are sad. It just sucks that I am experiencing everything so intensely.

[Hidden in reply to Kimmy14263]

Bless you. I agree with Caza, seek some professional support, don’t wait til after the holidays. Grief can be so overwhelming. We’re all here for you 24/7, don’t feel alone. We understand. Take care 🦊x

[Caza in reply to Kimmy14263]

Please don’t be scared, a major & horiffic event has happened. It shows what a very caring person you are. With the right help you’ll get through with this. You have to because now your sister is living along side of you. X

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello Kimmy,

Welcome to our friendly Community.

You've been through a terrible trauma and it sounds like you're panicking.

It's awful to lose you're sister like that and all these things that are reminding you of her and her death are coincidental. It's because your emotions are very very raw, you need time.

Personally, I would have a chat with a therapist or medical doctor, who with support you through your experiences and will rationalise these coincidences and these panic attacks with you.

All our members have been through loss and any one of them will support you.

Please know, we're always here for you.

Chloe