Bad day yesterday

[Nelly66]

I feel so sad, it takes my breath away and tears just overwhelmed me, I try and stop but nothing happens and I’m just sad, I wanted to hug him and kiss him tell him it will be ok and that I loved him with all my heart but I couldn’t because I thought I would intervene with all the machines and hurt him in some way, so I just sat there and sat there looking and looking and then I would go home and ring the ward at 12.15 to see if he was alright.............

[chloe40 Administrator]

Oh Nelly66 {{{hugs}}}

I wish I could take away your pain, I really do. This is so horrible for you.

I'm sure our members with send further replies of support, we all understand the terrible pain you're going through, hold on Nelly.

Chloe x

[Hidden]

My heart goes out to you Nelly66. I hear the depth of your pain and sadness which is still so deep and raw.

I am sure your dear husband knew how much you loved him and that you were right there beside him.

Do you feel able to talk to your dear husband now and tell him how you feel? I lost my partner just over 3 years ago and find it incredibly comforting to talk to him.

Keep reaching out Nelly66, we are here for you, always - to listen and offer any support we can,

Lottie

[Nelly66 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you lottiesWeb, I am always talking to him, but have not felt him around me, he was not a religious man and always said to me that once your gone that’s it there is nothing so I do struggle with that a lot. ❤️❤️

[Hidden in reply to Nelly66]

Nelly66, I struggled with the same. Then around the third anniversary of my partner's passing I started to experience what I can only call happenings. One of those chloe40

[Hidden in reply to Nelly66]

...... continued from above........

One of those Chloe40 posted around the Christmas period entitled 'our Lotties experience' or similar. My partner always said he would wait for me so that has always been comforting. The only trouble is I keep wanting to be with him because I am so scared without him and the pain of losing him hurts so much. I take one day at a time and like you, talk to him all the time. Keep reaching out for support Nelly, I do. To really good friends, to dear Chloe40 and Natzsteveo and sometimes I post on here. I write quite a lot, my dreams I have, how I feel, I saw a seal pop his head out of the water on Saturday - that was rather special. Just little bits like that that make me smile. Keep me going. For what? I do not know....... one day...... sometimes half a day...... at a time.

Thinking of you and sending love and {{{{hugs}}}}

Lottie x

[Nelly66 in reply to Hidden]

Hi lottiesWeb I also feel the same and I feel your pain, Neal was a big character in lots of peoples lives which does comfort me, but I only feel cheated that he has gone. Neal died in hospital and the last thing he said which was by mouthing the the words and not being able to speak out was, Pain pain pain take me home and then he was given a senative to stop the pain, he then died a few weeks later. This does haunt me but I did bring him home and spent the night with him in my front room. The funeral directors made that possible the night before the funeral. But I didn’t want to let him go.... that was so sad.... my husband would be saying right now come on girl live your life go places do things and be happy. I can hear him say so many things, he was not a shy person but bigger than life it’s self , he did have a way with every character he met, people either liked him or not he didn’t worry about either. But I know family meant everything to him, love him so much it hurts all the time ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️. Thank you lottiesWeb for just being you, you are a brave person please do not let this ruin or stop you from living your life to the full you know they up there would have, if I know my Neal he would be shouting at us to do so. Take care darling we are all here for you sending huge Hugs just for you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Hidden in reply to Nelly66]

Nelly66, thank you for your kind and understanding words. I am so glad (if glad is the right word, help me here) you had the opportunity to bring Neal home for that 'precious' night.

I cared for my Neil at home and he passed away here at home. I know that terrible, terrible wrenching pain when the u/takers come...........horrible.

Nelly66, I know my Neil would certainly be shouting, come on girl, live your life...... One of the best pieces of advice I have been given is to think what I would want for Neil if I had gone first.......Of course I would want him to live his life, not be sad. But it is hard isn't it.

I will say one thing Nelly66, your words have helped me to feel more positive today. Thank you so much for that and I wish you strength and❤️❤️❤️ too,

Lottie x

[Nelly66 in reply to Hidden]

Ah lottiesWeb thank you for being you, what a pleasure it is talking to you. It is hard but so true, they love us just as much as we do.

I’m just wondering if I am allowed to grieve this long as I think my employer doesn’t think I should. Not a nice feeling being rejected by them . Maybe time for a change after 10 years, feeling so upset that they would be like that.

Thank you again lottiesWeb you are a caring person. Xxxx❤️❤️❤️❤️

[2stroke]

Nelly66

Sorry to read your situation,you sound like you have a lot of love for your partner.I'M sure the good vibes you resonate while you are in attendance will help him in his situation.

Our love,hugs and very best prayers and wishes go out to you💞💞💞💞

Sending you a cwtch from Wales.

[Nelly66 in reply to 2stroke]

Thank you 2stroke for your kind words. Yes I’m so much in love with him still he was my whole world with also my children. Give my love to wales, I have very fond memories of Wales because neal took me there for our very first romantic weekend, and I fell straight in love with Wales, thank you ❤️