Bereavement Care & Share
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How much time has passed since your loss

and have you found life becoming easier to cope with because of it?

Chloe

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SOMEWHAT,but altering the day to day change in life after the demise of my wife of 47 years

takes some doing,then there's the added problem of the stroke i suffered not long after she passed on.

I've lost so much. .ItsBEEN 3 YEARS now,there are still tears and regrets.

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2stroke.

Yes, It certainly is an uphill struggle, especially when your health is not good but we carry on in the hope that the pain will ease, take care.

Chloe

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Im really sorry about your wife.....its hard when u lose someone close to u especially after 47years i lost my dad 3yrs ago to heart attack and i never stop thinkin never stop cryin. It really does hurt but iv come to realise they wouldnt want us to cry they wouldnt want us to feel sad they would want us to be happy and carry on with our lives...and thats what im going to do and i hope u and everyone else who has lost a loved one can too. What problems did ur stroke cause???. I really hope u have family supporting u? U need them at times like this x

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HI Jojo23pink. What your sayin' kinda resonates with me because when i was 54 , i lost my mum. That was 3 years ago. Like you and others i still cry and miss them, especially at strange times and i'd agree that they would want us to be happy above everything else. My mum use to end are arguments by saying "Cant we all be friends". Until recently i never really understood this.

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Do you know Greyone it's only recently for me that I have come to understand many of my Mum's little ways that used to irritate me and I feel guilty when I remember thinking that she was making more of certain situations than necessary......but now, having experienced some of them myself, I realise it was a normal part of getting older!

Chloe

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You know C40, i might say the same thing. My mum was rarely critical of other people or even her family. But she described my sister as thoroughly selfish more than once. I used to think it was out of character for her until i made a point of looking up the word selfish, then i had to admit she was right. Google says it means "lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure", which i suppose is true for us all some times. But this actually helped me understand my sister a little more.

It is strange how time helps us reflect on things understand their rightness. I have learnt that although my mum was not infallible, she was certainly always right when she expressed an opinion and her life experiences certainly gave her a good understanding of people (esp being born in 1924).

My mum used to reminisce about her childhood and early life, i now do the same.

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Nan 4 yrs

Mum 2 yrs, time heals but never forget :(

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Hi Nathsam46 and a very warm welcome to our Community.

It is true, time veils the pain of loss but for some, this continues for many years but we do need to hold on to our memories, nothing can take these away. Take care and good to hear from you.

Chloe

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Lost my dad 3yrs ago and iv never felt any worse than i do everyday im as miserable as sin over it. Because it breaks my heart to think he suffered!! He died of a heart attack. I cry loads especially on a night when on my own!! But suppose i have to keep it together 4 my kids!!! He was 55!!!

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my son 18 years my mum 9 years my dad 2 months.after my son died I was numb and angry with my mum I was very emotional with my dad so far I'm being strong.my mum was the worst experience of my life emotionally.i though I would be broken being parentless but I fight through all the darkness somehow.now I feel I cope better knowing they are safe forever in heaven.

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Hi kenster1

Gosh Kenny, is it really that long since you lost your dear son and Mum?

I am really pleased that you've found some peace after all the dreadful turmoil and heartache.

Take care

Chloe

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HI Kenster1. You must surely have something there. At such times i wonder if some of our pain is for the collective loss of those we love. I had similar feelings when i started to think of myself as parentless and the more so when i think that there are just three of us from my mums family. Good to know there are people like you around here.

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Thx so much for asking this question. I will be reading all the posts on this Q.

I must stand up and admit that i am becoming obsessed by the idea of time and grieving. I accept that grieving and loss is not time bound and can take as long or short as it does.

I have just passed the 2nd anniversary of my mums passing and i have to say that I hardly noticed my dad's passing until now. I never felt anger because i felt my grief was timely and being a carer i was privileged to give my mother the companionship and care that was necessary for the time. Today (Sunday 03/06/18) is the day of my regular visit. Although i know she's always with me esp in the garden and whenever i'm down, i think of the crem as a place set aside to grieve, where if i'm crying , people know why. It is safe.

But i am fascinated by dates and anniversaries. I have a well mentioned philosophy for the first two years and now i wait to see what year three has in store for me. I will be filled with gratitude to see how others respond to this question. {{{hugs all round}}}

Must go now...

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I thought it may be an interesting question Greyone and it seems to be, I hope we have several other replies for you to ponder.

Chloe

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I lost my mom almost a year ago. I feel her with me everyday. We were incredibly close. I’m not sure if I’ve even accepted that she is gone. I go through the motions of life, talk about her constantly, and miss her more than words really explain. 💗 But I’m productive, and no longer in a daze. So, I guess it is getting better.

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Hi RaSena

This first anniversary of a loss is something we all dread as our loss is still very raw. I think it's really good that you talk a good deal about her, it certainly helps but you will of course miss her. Try and mark the anniversary in a way that celebrates something she loved or do something that you did together, seems to help on these days in particular.

It's good to read you are productive and I hope you continue to be {hugs}

Chloe

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It has been 3 months now...and miss him more as the time goes on. Maybe because I'm having to do the jobs that he usually did. I'm making all the decisions...no one to share them with. Although my 2 older daughters have been such a help..even though they are struggling with losing their step dad too. My son is in the middle of his gcses..so he's got enough on. Everyone tells me..it's not been long..I know...but I can't imagine missing him any less as time goes on. I suppose one has to adjust their life to living without them.

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Hi Sueby55

Really sorry for your loss.

It's such a huge difference in everyday life, even the mundane jobs that we might not have done before. You're right, we can't say we won't miss them any less. We just learn acceptance and that takes a great deal of time. Your children are grieving too and you may wish to seek Bereavement counselling for them if necessary, especially your son.

One point Sue, you may wish to find out if your son can complete a 'special circumstances' form, which means, his loss will be taken into account but I am not sure if that applies in his University.

Take care

Chloe

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