HI My name is Stafford

I am struggling at the moment my brother michael Died last year he went missing in the april and he died the same night he went missing and he was declared dead on the 21st of this month he was 38 years old. and my dad died the same way on April 29th 1985 he was 36 years old i was fourteen years old when he died. they both took there lives.

Please help me i cry every night because i miss them both.

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  • Oh I am so very very sorry for what you are going through right now. In fact what you have gone through since you were 14 and now again.

    Is your Mother still alive? Are you close to her? Have you got a partner? You need people around you. Which country do you live in? In the UK there is always the Samaritans who are very good. You need someone to listen to you at this time. Don't worry about crying. Who wouldn't in your situation?

    My husband died in February and I have days when I just cry and cry. Go to your doctor and tell him/her that you need counselling. In the UK there is a long waiting list but the sooner you get your name on the list the better.

    Keep in contact with this site too as everyone has lost loved ones. Your case is so sad though. Please take care of yourself and know people care. Ring the Samaritans tonight if you are in the UK.

    A big hug to you.

    Marie x

  • HI Marie

    Thank you for you kind message iam have bereavement counseling

    and i will ring the Samaritans i am in regular contact with them.

    my mum Abandoned me when i was a baby and my grandparent brought me up my life is complicated. I have a partner but he did understand and now he doesn't i Have on going depression that i have seen the doctor and the mental health team but they said Iam not bad enough which i don't agree. i have had thoughts of suicide but something stopped. then my auntie shouted at me so that didn't help matters. noone understands. i go to Mind which is a mental health charity.

    Iam so sorry about your husband You must miss alot

    Take care




  • Hello STAFFORD

    Bless you, that's so tragic, I really feel for you {{{hugs}}} Of course you are missing them, the pain must be unbearable for you. We are always here for you anytime you need us and you'll always find support here.

    I really feel you would benefit from Bereavement Counselling for complicated grief, you've experienced such a traumatic time, if you haven't already asked your Doctor, please do, talking therapies are very much needed! and also a local support group.

    You may find another of our members who has experienced a similar situation will pop in to give you more support.

    Take care and please message anytime.


  • Hi Chloe

    Thank you for you kind message i am having help but i am having difficulty coming to terms with both Bereavements and also battling Depression the mental health team have refused to help me and i am now surviving by talk about my depression but i find it difficult to cry in front of people.

    Thank you again



    It must be so frustrating that the Mental Health Team don't seem to helping you. You talk away to us, we've all been there and crying is compulsory!

    Here are some resources for you to read and contacts of those who can help with your depression, highly recommended.


  • Stafford -- Everyone here has given you good advice and on your own you have made contacts that will help you get through this period of time. I will just add that I feel in my situation I am "l the last man standing." Each of my three consecutive husbands has died; one only 35 years old. Your partner may still be able to understand your situation, but unable to express sympathy at this time. Cry as long as you need.

  • Wow this is a very distressing time for you stafford to lose any loved one is bad enough but to lose both of the men in your life in such tragic circumstances is bound to be hurting you badly..its still very raw yet with the loss of michael you need time if you want to cry you cry. My mum died 10 years ago and it still feels like yesterday i still feel the pain i still miss her so much half of my being went when she did we all have experienced a loss too and im glad youve reached out to talk to us about it. We are all still feeling our loss and still grieving but we are all here for you no matter what your not alone in this honey.

    Love Nat xxx

  • Hi Nat

    Thank you for your kind message.

    Iam so sorry for your loss of your mum i know how had it must be for you even though it has been ten years.

    the pain doesn't go away but you try to carry on even if you find it hard sometimes it is hard to be brave and then when it is too much you give way to tears and you cry.

    Thank you for being there for me i am grateful




  • So very true words youve spoken there we do find some strength to carry on and get through every day the best we are much stronger than you realise your a survivor like the rest of us.

    Im always here for you any time of the day and im very thankful for your lovely kind words regarding my mum it means the world.

    Do you have plans to do anything for michaels angelūüėáversary in his memory. (Sorry ive always called peoples memorials angelversarys).

    Love Nat xxx

  • You are most welcome I hope it has helped in some way

    any time Nat I love you all and thank you i will keep in touch to see if you are OK.




  • Your most welcome my lovely make sure you keep in touch we a family here who care about each and everyone of us

    Love Nat xxx

  • In the uk cruse bereavement offers free counselling. If you mention the nature of your bereavements thee should be someone in each area that is trained specifically for working with bereavement by suicide. Public health England produce a booklet called help is at hand. It is for those who have been bereaved by suicide. It has lots of info and places to go for help. One of he ones it recommends is who I think have local support groups. I hope you find someone who can understand and help

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