Struggling

[Stacey19]

I don't need to go into hospital or anything like that I just need to write and to talk. I'm really struggling a lot with thoughts to end my own life. Ariadne as he introduced himself draws pictures of how he wants me to harm myself or my baby and then shows me the pictures.

[Jocelyn_at_APP Partner APP]

Hi Stacey19

Thanks for reaching out to us on the forum. I'm sorry that you are feeling like this. Is there anyone you can reach out to in person? Your family? Or healthcare professional?

You can always contact the Samaritans as well on 116 123.

Please look after yourself and talk to someone you trust.

Thinking of you.

Jx

[Stacey19 in reply to Jocelyn_at_APP]

No I don't really have any family I can talk to

[Jocelyn_at_APP Partner APP in reply to Stacey19]

Do you have any close friends you feel comfortable talking to?

I'm sorry you are going through this but you will get better with help and support. We on the forum are proof of that!

Please reach out to someone you trust but we are here too.

[Stacey19 in reply to Jocelyn_at_APP]

No not really

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi Stacey19

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling with these thoughts. I too would encourage you to try and speak to someone you trust, it must be very frightening.

As Jossykate says you can always contact the Samaritans just to talk to someone, and do write here any time if it helps.

Thinking of you, you’re not alone.

Jenny x

[Revans86 Volunteer]

Hi stacey19,

Sorry you’re struggling with these scary thoughts which I’m sure are very very frightening for you.

Try and speak to someone you trust about all of your thoughts.

Stay safe, talk here when you need to, but also the Samaritans on the phone would be such good listeners I’m sure and will just want to try and find the best way to help you.

Sending my best wishes xxx

[Revans86 Volunteer]

Are you in touch with your CPN still? I know it’s Saturday, but you could always contact your crisis team too if you need to. Perhaps they could visit you at home? X

[Chick44nzrn]

Dear Stacey . You have done well to reach out to others in this site ; that’s a very good sign , despite what you are suffering right now. most of us have been in the storm of scary thoughts and with help have come through it ,as you can too. We know how very frightening and out of control these thoughts can be, but please do call Samaritans or st least make an urgent appointment to tell your GP. If you can’t explain in person , you’ve done well to write down your thoughts and you can do this if you find it very hard to express your fears in person .

Don’t feel you have to hide these thoughts ! They are no refection on you as a person

And true orfessionals will NEVER judge you

We are all your supportive friends and you are not alone ; keep in touch and let us know how you get on . You need help now and you will recover with the right support .with love and best wishes

Denise x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey19

How are you feeling now? Have you managed to phone your crisis team or the Samaritans? Its very frightening to have such thoughts and delusions. If you can, try to see them as your illness and turn away from the figure that is showing you pictures ... he's not real but a menace to you.

Do you have a friend or someone who could stay with you and your baby tonight? Please try to be strong although it's very hard. You need support around you as you are not well. Perhaps the GP out of hours can visit you tonight to offer some help? We are all thinking of you Stacey. Take very good care of yourself .... you are such a special mum.

[Stacey19]

Sorry this maybe a trigger

😢 I've really wanted to cut all day but havent yet so I am feeling really good about that but I still want to..

Yeah I rang the Samaritans.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

That's really good Stacey that you haven't harmed yourself. It might be an idea to ring the Samaritans again so they can talk to you about your thoughts? Take care ..... you have been amazing and with good support you will get through this. We are all here for you.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Can you cover or put any sharp objects out of reach until your thoughts are calmer? You are doing really well. Is there a friend you can phone? Take care ... we are listening.

[Stacey19]

They are out of reach

[Revans86 Volunteer in reply to Stacey19]

Well done Stacey19, for supporting your self in this way and phoning the Samaritans that’s so good to talk to them. Well done. Keep talking lovely, it can get better. Ask for help. Sending hugs Xxx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

That's good Stacey ...... can you put the tv on as a distraction or do you think it would be better to ring the Samaritans again? I remember how hard it was for me to ignore similar thoughts but if you can distract yourself, even by playing music loudly (though a bit difficult with a sleeping baby!) this might help .......

[Stacey19 in reply to Lilybeth]

I have got music on

[Revans86 Volunteer in reply to Stacey19]

Great, Stacey19. What songs are you listening too?

Sure there’s a chat on here about music that helped people. I’ll try and find it. Music was such a healer for me. X

[Revans86 Volunteer in reply to Stacey19]

Found the thread which has peoples songs on Stacey19: healthunlocked.com/app-netw...

[Stacey19 in reply to Revans86]

Thankyou

[Revans86 Volunteer in reply to Stacey19]

You’re welcome. Hope it may help. Music helped me. Lilybeth suggested a song on the thread actually. I still listen to it when I need to now.

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Revans86]

Oh thank you Revans86, so happy to hear that my suggestion helps in some way. As I mentioned to Stacey19, I still have it in my head if I feel flat! xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

That's great ...... are you finding it a distraction or do you need to ring again for help? Please keep yourself safe. I know its difficult to do with a child but you can also go to your local A & E if you are still feeling vulnerable ....... or is there a friend you could ring? Please stay safe Stacey.

[Stacey19 in reply to Lilybeth]

I will stay safe 🙂

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Stacey19]

That's great to hear Stacey ...... you have been very strong to stand up to all those thoughts and some lyrics in songs can make you feel more positive. I still have them in my head if I'm a bit flat! There's also a verse "And if today all you did was hold yourself together, I am proud of you" .... so I think you can say this in the mirror to yourself tonight Stacey and be very proud

Try and have a good sleep tonight ... we'll be thinking of you. xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Yes, thanks for the reminder Revans86 ..... that was one of my songs, especially the words "I may be down sometimes but I won't be down always" which is very true, although you think some days are impossible.

I hope you find the songs listed helpful Stacey .... I think I also listed Labbi Siffre "Something inside so Strong" as my shout out to PP and I was going to fight on to get myself well. Stay safe ..... as Revans86 said, you're not alone. xx

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Well done Stacey, you’re doing so well to work through this. We’re all here for you xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey19

I hope you were able to sleep peacefully and that you will be ok today. Do you have a crisis team to contact for support or Health Visitor? The out of hours doctor should be available today or there might be a walk-in centre locally.

We are all here for you. Some other lyrics I found lifting were from Elton John's "I'm Still Standing" ( ...... "looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid) related to my PP recovery which, like yours, was very challenging at times but I did eventually fully recover, as you will. So hold on to that strength you have and try to build support around you, remembering what a great mum you are. Stay safe and take very good care of yourself. xx

[Revans86 Volunteer]

Morning Stacey19, I hope you managed to get some rest overnight. Thinking of you x

[Chick44nzrn]

Good morning Stacey. I hope you have been able to make contact with someone helpful and you are feeling easier . Maybe you have spoken to your GP or Samaritans ? When you have a struggle with all that goes with cutting and the ferocious emotions that drive this there are a few things that others have found very helpful to get through the “ eye of the storm” such as putting your fist into soft ice cream ! The cold is shocking to your system but harmless. Hold it there for as long as you can . This can take away the urge. Another way along the same lines is chewing a piece of chilli! The sudden hot burn is harmless but is helpful in taking away the other feeling . Some people find a rubber band on your wrist to “ ping” stings and that often works also . I have tried all these with sufferers like you , and can recommend they are helpful . I thought I’d share these tips and hope so much you are finding some peace with your baby to whom you are sun moon and stars !!

With love and thoughts

Denise x

[DoraDonig]

Hi Stacey19, just sending words of support your way. Please keep the NHS numbers handy if you need them, please use them! You're doing so well xx

[Hidden]

Thinking of you, too Stacey. Stay safe! You are not alone!

xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey19

I hope you have had a better day today and can access professional support to help you. Take good care of yourself.

[Stacey19]

Thanks all. Not really looking forward to midnight though I want to commit suicide as soon as the clock strikes midnight

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator in reply to Stacey19]

Hi Stacey19, please stay safe and talk to someone - either close to you or the Samaritans are available to talk on 116 123. Things can get better, take care, xx

[Stacey19 in reply to Hannah_at_APP]

I'm with my mum and family tonight but my mum keeps on looking after my baby because I keep going to the loo to cry. Evan though I want to commit suicide, I won't. There just thoughts. I will stay safe x

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator in reply to Stacey19]

Thanks for your update Stacey, glad you are with your Mum. Thinking of you, xx

[Revans86 Volunteer in reply to Stacey19]

Hi Stacey19, so glad you’re with you Mum who loves you. Glad you’re keeping yourself safe. Well done. Take each moment as it comes. Thinking of you x

[Jenny_at_APP Partner in reply to Stacey19]

Thinking of you too Stacey, glad you’re safe and with your mum. These thoughts and feelings will pass xx

[Stacey19]

Your all so lovely

[Teresa_K_S Volunteer]

Hi Stacey19,

I hope you're okay and I'm glad you are with your mum. It is hard when having unwanted thoughts. They are very upsetting. They do always pass but I used to try and find distractions until they did so.

If you are not looking forward to midnight why not have a relaxing bath and try to go to sleep early to get some much needed rest. You have done very well to get through the past day or so and you must be exhausted. Try to be kind to yourself

Take Care

Teresa x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey19

Thinking of you and hope you were able to sleep. Will you be staying with your mum today? It's been very tough for you but you have done really well to stay focused. Take good care of yourself and I hope you can find help from your care team.

With my second son, during PP recovery, I had help from the Home Treatment Team who visited me. Is that a possibility in your care plan? Take good care of yourself.

[Stacey19 in reply to Lilybeth]

Yeah that is in my Care plan

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Stacey19]

Hi Stacey

Good to hear from you. I'm glad that the Home Treatment Team is supporting you as part of your care plan. You've been really strong to fight your feelings and I hope you will benefit from the team's support. I think having regular visits from them helped me to cope as there was always someone to talk to about how I was feeling.

So glad you're safe. Will you be staying with your mum for support? I'm sure she is very happy to take care of her grandchild and help you. Take care and please write again if it helps to talk here.

[Stacey19 in reply to Lilybeth]

No we are back at mine now but we had a little break away.

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Stacey19]

That's good that you had a break away Stacey. I hope you feel more positive about moving forward with your care team and feeling better eventually. Take care ... we are all thinking of you. Sending a hug xx

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi Stacey19

I hope you’re doing ok today. Thinking of you.

Jenny x

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hello Stacey19

Hope you are doing OK. I used a mantra that helped me through the worst of the paranoia, let your thoughts only be thoughts. You will get better and back to your old self, we all do, although it doesn't feel like at times. Stay safe and trust your family they love you unconditionally.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hi Stacey19

I hope you are ok and have support around you. Take care. x

[Hidden]

Thinking of you Stacey19...

Sending you my love. Wishing you strengths!!! Hope you can focus on something you enjoy.

...you are not on your own...we all have been on a path of recovery and got better!

Take care

x

[Stacey19]

I'm struggling with other things that arent related to my baby

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Sorry to hear that Stacey. Is it something your care team will be able to help you with?

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hi Stacey19

I hope you have been ok today. It's very hard to cope if you're struggling with other things so I hope you can talk about it to the home treatment team for support and advice. Take care.

[Hidden]

Hello Stacey19,

thinking of you, too.

I hope you can confine in somebody and talk about your worries.

Take care!

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hi Stacey19

I hope you are ok today and have someone to talk to for support. Take good care of yourself. xx