Struggling with impact on older children

[MotherOfBears]

When I was in hospital after PP last summer, I had amazing counselling on offer for me, for my partner, for my bonding with my baby. But, nothing for how my PP episode had impacted my older child.

my son, who is now six, started to become very anxious about being left alone. This started when I was in hospital. Obviously his is too young to see that connection, for him he is “scared of the big brown monster” and doesn’t want to be alone

I also think my continuing depressive episodes might be part of it.

We’ve tried to do our best to let him know it wasn’t his fault, and explained in an age appropriate way what happened to me and what depression is and that it is mummy and daddy’s job to look after me (as don’t want to parentify him)

My question is, does anyone know what therapeutic interventions are available for children? I have heard that “play therapy” and “CBT for children” are a thing, but know nothing about them. I’m planning a conversation with my GP but don’t know what I’m asking for

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi MotherofBears

Sorry to hear you're son's struggling a bit, it's good to think what support might be available.

I just wanted to reply, as my son accessed some play therapy, it was done through school. This really helped him, he was struggling a lot in school (afterwards he was diagnosed autistic), and if nothing else it was a really good break for him that he enjoyed and looked forward to.

I wondered if contacting your son's school about it might be something to do to start with, as well as the GP, as school's often have access to different support etc. You have maybe spoken to them already.

I hope you can find him some support, take care,

Ellie

[MotherOfBears in reply to Ellie_at_APP]

No it hadn’t occurred to me to talk to the school, that’s a good idea and I’ll try it, thanks

[Rachel_at_APP Partner APP]

Evening MotherOfBears,

I'm sorry to hear that your older child is struggling at the moment, what a brilliant Mummy you are, to write here and see what support others might be aware of to help your own family.

As your little one is school age, I'd definitely start with asking their school. Support in different schools will vary of course, but I know in my own son's school (he's also six) there is support on hand in various ways. For example a teaching assistant at the school has responsibility for emotional welfare, and does where needed offer sessions for children to access time with a skilled adult. Sometimes providing space for a child to talk, even if they don't know / what to say / or see how to express themselves yet, can be a great help.

Hopefully you've got a good relationship with their school, and you'd be able to speak with their teacher or another member of staff. As Ellie has also kindly shared, you might also think about the support of your GP perhaps too if you'd not already.

Take care, and hoping your little one feels better soon.

Rachel x

[Isabella5991]

Hey dear, I really feel for you.

My eldest daughter was 3 and a half when I had pp and it definitely traumatised her. She was very anxious and didn’t want to be alone with me. Since then she also has mild hallucinations, she is well obviously but I think it’s a side effect of the trauma she experienced, plus genetics as I’ve always hallucinated. She was extremely bright since she was young too so it was very obvious to her what was going on with me when I was ill.

She’s 7 now and very happy little girl. She’s doing amazingly at school and isn’t anxious anymore. Obviously we all have worries but it’s nothing out of the ordinary. We have a wonderful relationship 💜 she does have hallucinations when it’s dark on the walls and sometimes hears voices, but the doctors have reassured me about 30% of children do anyway, it doesn’t mean she’ll have the same fait as me.

I just wanted to give you a positive outcome for a child who is struggling after their mum being poorly. You guys will definitly get there xxx

I asked about play therapy for her, we got seen by cahms without her and they decided she should just have the support of us as they didn’t want her to feel medicalised, which I agreed with to a certain extent. But if you feel your child really needs some support then push for it for sure. Phone your gp and be really clear how your child is suffering. They can take a long time, but if you call again they make kick into gear xx

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi MotherOfBears, I am sorry to hear that your eldest is going through some anxiety about being left alone. You both are doing an amazing job in explaining to him in age appropriate language. It is so important to talk openly about it, so he will have a space to voice his questions feeling safe and secure. I got recommended a picture book by my psychologist to explain bipolar to children, it addresses the subject of hospitalisation and experiencing bipolar at home. I have only read it by myself, have not read it to my daughter yet, I have it on reserve to explain her a future admission to hospital, if that happens. The book is called "Up and down Mum". You can find it in You Tube as well, if you want to check it.

Take good care, thinking of you and what you are going through at the moment,

Maria