I gave birth to my 4th baby in April 2015. I have 3 children previously and no mental health issues or psychosis. In April 2014 my dad who i was very close to committed suicide he had depression and anxiety for 2 months prior but we were not expecting it at all. I found it so so hard, in September that year i found out i was expecting and due in April. As he was not growing properly i had to be induced early I was taken in for induction the day before the anniversary of my dads death. The induction was long and I spent the day of the anniversary in the delivery room this was very stressful. My son was born by c section a few hours after the anniversary. I can remember feeling very stressed and arguementive with the staff after I had him. 5 weeks later and i was struggling to breast feed and decided to stop. At this point my thoughts started to become strange. I couldnt sleep and was convinced one of the children would stop breathing i would go from each childs room each night. I was full of energy and wired, I was obsessed that we all had pinworms and was scrubbing the house daily. I thought there was a link to people having worms and suicide ( emailing professers etc). Anxiety was awful and i was conviced a helicopter would crash into the house. Hence when i heard one i would run outside. I spoke to my health visitor who referred me to the mental health team and a nurse came round. At first they thought anxiety but it started to get worse and i left the house in the middle of the night as I was sure my house was going to kill me after a few hours he persuaded me back home and called the mental health team. The consultant prescribed quinipeine and sertaline. I started to take them but was sure they were going to kill me. (I didnt tell consultant this.) They considered admission but I was adamant against this and they felt this was ok as long I was seen daily at home and my husband was at home with me at all times. They kept trying different meds but I would take a few days then stop. The periods of phycosis lessened, and would come on and off I thought my husband was gay at one point. By the end of September I became very depressed, my husband was lucky enough to get 2 months off work and he cared for the children while I just rested. I disengaged with the mental health team and would not see them or would say I was fine .By Christmas I felt 70 per cent better having good days and bad days with anxiety. I started back at work part time in January, by the end of Jan i was starting to struggle with the anxiety. But felt it was managable. But since start of march i feel angry and short tempered again, my thoughts arent switching off and feeling very very stressed at work. I went back to the doctors and have an appointment with my consultant on 11th April, I am going to be honest and tell them how scared i am about th medication hurting me. We have been put into consultation at work and I find out which job I have on my dads anniversary. I am so worried about having time off because of the consultation, but I was in the toilet crying on my last shift. I am a manager there so it is hard. I tried to talk to my manager but couldnt get the words out properly and was so angry. They are aware of the diagnosis I had and one manager is helpful but the other is awful and i dont feel supported at all. I emailed the higher boss shift but as yet nothing back. The stress of this all on top of the anniversary coming up I know is making things much worse. Sleep is starting to become an issue again and noises seem much louder. Has anyone got any words of wisdom.
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