major depression and Postnatal health

[Gokel]

Has anyone experienced the same situation again after PP? 3 years later I am experiencing the same thing again and it is very difficult to cope. By the way my diagnostic is major depression.

[EquineBeauty]

Hi, I’m sorry you’re feeling ill again. Could you provide a little more detail? You said you experienced PP 3 years ago after the birth of your child? Did you fully recover? Did you have psychosis again now or are you experiencing severe depression (without psychosis) Did something trigger the episode like major stress/death in the family, etc. and did you experience lack of sleep for many nights in a row before it happened?

Edit: Some women have shared that extreme stressful events/lack of sleep cause them to become unwell again. But it can happen regardless of stress since our brains are more vulnerable after PP. (There are numerous statistics out there saying that anywhere from 30-60% will experience some sort of mood episode at some point in their life; depression or mania, etc.)

I had severe depression after my PP and it took some time to cure the depression after the PP was under control.

I have had depression before in my life (once) and taking SSRIs early on has helped me before it got out of control. My psychiatrist also mentioned that if I don’t respond to different SSRIs - they can prescribe Olanzapine again as it helps SSRI-resistant depression and also acts as a mood stabilizer (in addition to being an antipsychotic). I hope the medication (whatever the combination) start working for you soon. Please keep in close contact with your doctors and mental health professionals as well as reaching out here for peer support. This is a great support network for women who have been through a similar experience & can help you to get better. You have recovered before and you will again.

[Gokel in reply to EquineBeauty]

Thank you so much for your support. By the way I'm living at the UK. I am from Turkey.

[Gokel in reply to EquineBeauty]

At the beginning of my pregnancy, my fears started—I couldn’t eat, I was very weak, and I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to take care of my baby when they were born. Later, panic attacks and crying spells began, along with insomnia. I had been on medication before, so we contacted the mental health team, and they started me on a new medication. At the same time, I also underwent TMS treatment. After about six weeks, I slowly started to feel better. Of course, I still had occasional crying episodes after giving birth.

Right now, I am not pregnant. I’ve been trying to recover for the past four months. My crying spells have started again. I wasn’t able to take care of myself at all and felt completely unmotivated. About six weeks ago, I started TMS treatment again, which has now ended, and four weeks ago, my doctor added new medications. I am better than before, but I am still not 100% okay.

I am very scared—this process has exhausted me. I am trying to stand back up for my son. Will I always live in fear like this? I can’t enjoy life. I wonder if there are others who have experienced this. Has anyone gone through postpartum depression and then fallen into severe depression again?

[EquineBeauty in reply to Gokel]

I am so sorry you are feeling so unwell again. My heart goes out to you. I have experienced depression before and it is a feeling of despair. But know that it does get better. And it will. The doctors just have to find the right combination of medications to make you to continue to feel a little bit better and better each day until you are yourself again. You mentioned that you have had TMS treatment. Have the doctors said anything about ECT? (Electroconvulsive therapy? This is a bit more involved than TMS I believe but I have heard many stories of women for whom this has worked when nothing else had; perhaps ask your doctors about this). I know it must be so so hard - but please be patient, the right treatment will surface and no, you will not always live in fear like this. They will find the right combination of meds and you will get better and in the future at the first sign of any mood shift you’ll know what to take (what works) so you don’t have to experience severe depression again.

For right now your task is yourself and your mental health. Don’t worry too much about your son. Just love him and just be there in a capacity that you are able. He is little and if mummy isn’t always “happy” don’t worry, he won’t remember. Don’t stress. Make sure someone else in the family can take on watching after your son as much as they can - because even taking care of yourself is hard like you said; and you do need to prioritize your health. Sleep. Eat. Shower. Just the minimum. And with every passing day as the medication continues to work you’ll be able to do a little more. Celebrate little steps.

When I became pregnant with my daughter - my depression started in the second trimester. Unfortunately I did not take medication (which was a huge mistake and possibly led to my psychosis) and I struggled for 6 months of the rest of my pregnancy - until her birth. All I did was sleep. Like you I was extremely weak. I didn’t want to eat or shower I felt like I was in a halfway coma. My husband had to force me to eat. 5 days after giving birth I had psychosis.

My doctors have said that I’m at risk for depression again like many of us. You are not alone.

Keep reaching out on here and please stay in very close contact with your psychiatrist, family and therapist. Do you have a therapist?

Also if you don’t mind, if you have time - copy and paste your response to me in your original post (that way it’s not just a response to me) and other women can see the details of your story. Many on here have been where you are and can offer suggestions of what has helped them. 🙏🏻💜

[Gokel in reply to EquineBeauty]

Thank you so much for your support. It feels so good to know I am not alone. Unfortunately the drugs don't work very well. They worked for my first pregnancy but not now. I have heard of ECT, I see it as my last resort. Sometimes I lose hope, I have been in this situation for about 5 months, it is very difficult. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get back to my old self.

[EquineBeauty in reply to Gokel]

I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling. 5 months is indeed a long time to feel desperate. Hopefully they are thinking of changing up the medications to see what works. Perhaps a different antidepressant or an antipsychotic in addition to antidepressants and some sort of mood stabilizing drug? (I’m still on Lamotrigine … they say it helps the antidepressant to work better, like a boost). Don’t lose hope. There are many new drugs that they can try. If something worked for you in the past but isn’t now, they can change up the medications a few more times. And like you said, there is always ECT. Look into every option so you start feeling better. Speak with your mental health team about this. (ECT)

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hello Gokel,

Welcome to the forum. My name’s Jenny, I’m one of the peer support coordinators at Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP) and experienced PP myself back in 2012.

I’m sorry you suffered from PP 3 years ago, and am very sorry to hear you’re currently unwell again with major depression, thank you and well done for reaching out here – I know that’s not an easy thing to do.

I know that postpartum psychosis is such a severe and frightening thing to go through, and coming through that experience and becoming unwell again must feel extremely tough.

Please know that you are not alone in this experience. A lot of women here on this forum will have been through further episodes of mental ill health and I’m sure will reply to your post. Information on our website states that ‘Just over half of women with postpartum psychosis will experience an episode of depression, bipolar disorder or related illness at some point in their lifetime. (This estimate includes women with and without experience of mental illness before their PP episode, and so the risk may be lower for women whose PP episode was ‘out of the blue’.)’

I see you’re in Turkey, I don’t know what the healthcare system is like there but I do hope you have the support of healthcare professionals, as well as support from family and friends.

I was very lucky in not experiencing depression after my episode of PP, but a lot of women on this forum will have relevant experience to share. Remember that you got through being very unwell once and you can get through this period of illness too, you’re stronger than you know. Do lean on any support that you have available to you – be that medical support, practical and emotional support. Take things a step at a time and be very gentle with yourself.

Take very good care of yourself and I hope you will find words of comfort and reassurance here. This storm will pass.

Sending very best wishes,

Jenny

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Gokel

Thank you so much for writing, which takes a lot of courage when feeling depressed to reach out and ask for help. I had PP many years ago which in itself was a huge challenge, so you have been so brave to have come through so much.

I was also hit with severe depression following PP, feeling helpless and hopeless most days. Although I was functioning I did have dips over the intervening years when I wasn’t coping. I’ve read from my notes that I was admitted to psychiatric care in times of distress to treat my depression.

Perhaps you could book a double appointment with your GP so that you have time to explain how you are feeling? It might help to keep a diary (just emoji faces happy or sad) to give an idea of how you have been. It’s not easy trying to battle against depression so please reach out for help and keep talking to family and friends. We are always here too.

Please be gentle with yourself and take care.

[Gokel]

At the beginning of my pregnancy, my fears started—I couldn’t eat, I was very weak, and I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to take care of my baby when they were born. Later, panic attacks and crying spells began, along with insomnia. I had been on medication before, so we contacted the mental health team, and they started me on a new medication. At the same time, I also underwent TMS treatment. After about six weeks, I slowly started to feel better. Of course, I still had occasional crying episodes after giving birth.

Right now, I am not pregnant. I’ve been trying to recover for the past four months. My crying spells have started again. I wasn’t able to take care of myself at all and felt completely unmotivated. About six weeks ago, I started TMS treatment again, which has now ended, and four weeks ago, my doctor added new medications. I am better than before, but I am still not 100% okay.

I am very scared—this process has exhausted me. I am trying to stand back up for my son. Will I always live in fear like this? I can’t enjoy life. I wonder if there are others who have experienced this. Has anyone gone through postpartum depression and then fallen into major depression again?

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hello Gokel,

Welcome to the forum. I am very glad you took the step to post here, it is not an easy thing to do when we are feeling so low.

I am sorry you experienced pp 3 years ago and are now feeling so low. I think when the experience is still relatively recent and we feel unwell again, we fear that it will all repeat itself again.

I had pp 6 years ago and some years after I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. When I received the diagnosis it took me some reflection to understand what exactly did it meant for me, would I be expecting more episodes like the ones after the birth of my daughter? I think we all ask the same question even without an ongoing diagnosis. But there are avenues and help to tap into, such that you can manage a condition like that and live a good life. I currently take medication for my bipolar, and have been able to manage it. It is not my only therapeutic tool, I am also doing therapy at the moment and I keep an eye for those early warning signs that show I may be going into a low. Reducing the stress from work and sharing the load of parenting with my husband does certainly help me when I feel a bit wobbly. Also connecting with others who understand and are compassionate helps inmensely. With time you will develop your own set of tools that will help you cope when the lows come. When I was suffering from bad depression exercise was my way of coping and running for half an hour each day was such a lifeline.

I think it is very positive that you have recently received treatment and are going through a change of medication. These take some time to have an effect, and I know when we are feeling so low it is difficult to be waiting for signs of improvement. But you have noticed some already, which is really good news, and more will come.

You will be able to come out of this low and enjoy life again, take really good care

Maria

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Gokel

In your last post you mentioned that you are on new medication and although not 100% you felt better than you were before. I hope you continue to improve and slowly begin to find joy in life with your family. It takes time so try not to expect too much of yourself too soon. Take care 🌻

[Gokel in reply to Lilybeth]

I'm still struggling. I don't think the medication is working very well. Sometimes I lose hope. Then I say, hang on, you have a son.

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Gokel]

Hello Gokel

I’m so sorry to hear you are still struggling. Will you be able to book a review with your doctor so that you can explain that you don’t think the medication is working very well? When I was in hospital suffering severe depression after PP, medication alone wasn’t working. So it was decided that I should have ECT which had worked in the past during my psychosis. It was very effective and I believe saved my life.

You are much more aware than I was and functioning to take care of your son, which I was unable to do at that time. So perhaps you can ask your care team to help in finding what will work for you, be it a different medication or talking therapy? Try and build support around you. Keep talking to professionals about how you truly feel and tell it like it is to family and friends. There is no shame ….. you deserve to feel better so be very gentle with yourself. There is always hope. Take care🌻

[Jenny_at_APP Partner in reply to Gokel]

Hello Gokel,

I’m sorry to hear you’re still struggling. It can take a while for medication changes to take effect but do keep in contact with your team and be as honest as you can about how you’re feeling so they can continue to review your treatment.

I’m sorry you lose hope sometimes, it must feel very very hard but keep going, one day at a time (or one hour, one minute…). You won’t always feel this way, keep talking and keep leaning on the support available to you.

You’re a great mum. Be very kind to yourself.

Sending warm wishes,

Jenny x