Well, today, I had to face my fears, with no drugs( xanax, Valium )
as I had to stop taking them after 30 years, because they were causing worse withdrawals than the actual panics.
I'm a bit of an unusual Agoraphobic, anxiety, panic, and depression suffer in as much as when I had a really bad panic, I would backout, my heart would stop, and I would go into cardiac arrest, luckily when they found out or should I say a psychiatrist actually listened to what I'd been telling them for 20 years. I was tested in hospital on a tilt test and I died but only for 13 seconds then my heart started up again.
Just as well as the two nurses paniced ran out of the room left me strapped to this board, and went to get the top man.
They put in a pacemaker, it didn't stop the panics at all, but did keep me conscious when I tried to blackout.
In 2001, my mother went on holiday with a friend to the USA at the time of the twin towers, she was in them visiting, or so we thought. My dad phoned me up saying he was worried, and he never worried, or never showed it. There was a complete phone blackout to, so we didn't get any news for 5 days, two weeks later I had a total breakdown, she was safe in Canada, where they had quickly taken here after the event.
I was house bound for 5 yrs and virtually for the other 5 yrs.
After having a replacement pacemaker 10 years later, they wouldn't let me out of the hospital because my blood pressure wouldn't go down, so I told them if they didn't take the needles out of my arm I would rip them out myself as I wanted to go home and calm down.
I did, but later had some very painfull IBS things that put me on the floor for 12 hrs at a time in absolute agony. The pain made an absessed tooth pain, like a nice easy day. It was unbearable, yet I put up with it.
After the third of these, things started getting better. I still suffer with IBS but it flairs up when the anxiety gets bad.
Three years ago, I started getting more therapy, and they put me on EMDR because of the trauma of the cardiac arrests, and something started changing, slowly at first, but for one I could actually go to the doctors on my own, before I hadn't been in over 10 yrs. They found I had had trauma in a dentists too at age 9 when they took my baby teeth out with gas, but the gas hadn't worked so I was half conscious all the way through. I'd had nightmares after, for a long time.
My mother had just had a still birth at home, a breakdown then had a new baby girl, all her's and my dad's time was spent on the baby. Me and my brother, were put to one side. Not intentionally, it was just how they coped. We felt abandoned.
Three weekes ago I was diagnosed with very high blood pressure cholesterol, and put on tablets, they checked to see if I had already had a heart attack, so I was worried about having one anyday.
I had to face the dentists, I had to have a nerve taken out a tooth, seems ok, but to me it was major, I had stopped my valium two years prior, so didn't have any help.
After cacking myself, I made it to the dentists, with my wife, he drilled out the nerve, and I was doing my claire weekes coping EMDR taping, and most of all staying in the moment using a meditation technique.
I was ok............wow this is working I said, then the dentist said the tooth is so bad its going to have to be removed.
I hadn't prepared for this, but carried on doing my stuff, said ok go for it, stopped him twice, then let him do it. He took it out, I'm still ok and at home now. Giving myself a cuddle, feeling sorry for myself, sipping my soya decaf coffee through a straw, and nibbling on some chocs
But I did it, I used the treatment Dr Claire Weeekes said, did my other stuff too and god, I'm here, anxiety has completely gone, it feels great............well till the pain kicks in lol.
just thought I'd hopefully give some living proof of what is possible even after 33 years of anxiety/panics agoraphobia and depression.
Wishing you all well, and hope you like the photo, its not me though I'm not that fear free yet !