Sawmy therapist on Monday and it went quite well for a change. I went in with the attitude that I was tired of standing still and wanted to move forward. I talked to her about somes issues I have with my 8yr old and how I feel threatened when she tries to hug me or cuddle me - I can cuddle her if I am instigating it but find it hard the other way round. I was abused as a teenager and although I have talked to therapists about what happened I haven't talked about how it made me feel.
I came away from the session feeling positive and with a the seeds of a plan in my head, but needed to ask my therapist a question before I could make a step towards tackling this problem.
I emailed her which I have done once before. She asnswered the next morning and said she would like to talk to me about it and could we speak friday on the phone (today). At the time I felt anxious but still positive about this plan. I emailed her back and said I could do that if she was happy to. Tuesday ended - no reply, Wednesday ended still no reply. I felt I was losing control of the situation and that my therapist was in control. I panicked and woke at 4.30 thursday morning worrying about whether she had forgotton about me. Told myself I am not important in the general scheme of things as is what I usually do. I know I am not her only client.
I have relied on people too much in the past and Iwasn't going to be in that place again. So after a early run at 6.30 I emailed her again and said I couldn't speak to her on friday (today) it was stressing me out too much. I needed to switch offfrom my thoughts til our appt monday.
This plan worked quite well yesterday but today I am again checking my emails every hour still no word from her. I am just a nightmare.. Not sure what I am expecting but just needed to share my thoughts.
Not a great weekend
Being a zombie.......not fun! 
what a let down
