Fear of Teenagers

[Christine31]

Hi everyone,

I am still fairly new here, although have been reading your posts for a little while now.

Is there anyone else on here who suffers from teenager-related anxiety? I am, generally speaking, suffering from anxiety of being harmed, which is mainly coming out in social situations (walking into city centre etc). But I live very close to a school and have been having issues with the smokers hanging around in the bus shelter very close to our house. The school have had words with them, but now they are seriously p****d at us. Problem is, they still hang around sometimes and whenever they see us there are comments, name-calling or spitting behind us - even when it's in town centre.

I am trying to be strong every day, but it's so hard and today it's just really getting to me. I know they are just stupid kids, but I am actually a kind person and it really hurts to be treated like this. My boyfriend doesn't even understand why it bothers me and we have had many arguments about it. Thing is, he doesn't agree with moving and I feel stuck in this situation for years to come. I'm really struggling to think positive today and not lose hope.

Can anyone relate?

Thanks, guys.

Christine

[Hidden]

These teenagers will grow up and move away,I used to feel a wee bit like that,felt intimidated by them.If you like where you live and otherwise are happy there I would say strongly don't move,if like me your anxiety causes you to hate change,it might make you worse,I moved last year because of a really bad neighbour and from that day my anxiety has got very bad,I fight back tears two or three times a day as I am so homesick,miss my house,miss everything about it,my life is on hold,I don't like going out but when I go out I don't want to go back home.I broke down in tears while out shopping at the weekend.I now feel my life is hell

[Christine31]

Hi Lindalou, I am so sorry to hear that your move made it worse. Stay strong, hun. I have been thinking along similar lines myself and thought what if we did move and then end up somewhere worse? People say, you always take yourself with you, wherever you go. That is what I am afraid of, too. Just sometimes, it seems to be the only way out of my situation. Once you are known for being a 'grass' you can't really undo it. I just spend so much time worrying about them walking past our house everyday and seeing them around town, that it makes me wonder if it's actually worth staying for the house itself. Quite often I try to spend the entire school hours out of my own home, to avoid the pupils outside. Makes me feel like a failure and very guilty when it means dragging my children around with me.

[janev]

i really feel for you christine i really do. I had similar problems myself with a load of teens in my area that my daughter had started hanging around with and then they took against me for diff reasons and i also have the school at the end of my road - it was a nightmare for about 18 months - not even so much because of what they did and said but because it - they were -living in my head constantly - i crept around like a frightened mouse all that time dreading bumping into them and thinking about them constantly

. Just remembering that time now makes me feel physically sick. Lindalou is right - and i know it doesnt help much now - they will grow up and move on - those kind of kids often end up dropping out or getting excluded and sent somewhere different. Do you feel strong enough to go and see their parents or go to the police and get them to do it. Also maybe try and get transport company to move the bus stop.

I felt like they could sense my fear so ended up just ignoring them in the end but theyve all grown up and gone now. If you like where you live now don't let them drive you out - as you say if you do move the first person you'll meet when you get there is yourself.

keep talking about it, and try to remember they are just kids ultimately, they can only have power over you if you let them and i know its not easy believe me, at one point i was too scared to even look out of the window .

people on this site will help you through it ive only been coming on here for a few days and its made a huge difference

all the best

wishing you peace and strength

janev.

[hairyfairy]

Iv`e never liked children & teenagers, even when I was in that age group. I think that theyr`e so stupid, immature & spiteful. Modern psychologists say it`s because their brains aren`t fully developed, well I never bahaved like that when I was younger, I wonder if that means that my brain developed faster than my peers?

[Christine31]

Hi everyone, thank you all so much for your comments and sorry it took me so long to respond.

janev, it's so nice to feel understood for once, so thanks again for your kind words. We have had a similar situation in our previous house which was in on the edge of an estate and we never had any problems until my daughter started to hang out with the local kids on the green behind our house... It all started to go down hill when they realized that we were 'different' - we eat together as a family, dress our children in average clothes and don't let them hang around till 11 at night. So we ended up being the 'weird' ones.

Then the knock-and-run started, followed by regular footballs against the door etc. I ended up being so frightened, that I only left the house during school hours and often didn't even dare to turn the lights on when it got dark - just to avoid agitating them. I knew I wasn't doing well, but my other half didn't get it at all and we nearly broke up a few times.

Thinking back to this makes me feel sick, too.

Hence, I can see that my current anxiety is built on previous experience as well as negative core beliefs (they can sense my fear etc). I'm just so afraid it won't get better and that I am too damaged to recover.

hairyfairy, that's the bit that always gets me - I was never like that, so I find it hard to understand how the 'in your face' teenagers tick.

Best wishes,

Christine