I feel like a hopeless case!

[mausimouse]

I have suffered from anxiety and depression for a long time and the current episode has been rumbling along for about a year.

I am on loads of medication, have a great psychiatrist who has just taken over from a crap one, a supportive CPN, a therapist and a loving family and a close circle of friends. So why am do I feel so lonely?

I saw my therapist this morning and just couldnt talk about anything constructive, it was like there was a gag across my mouth. Am I the only one that feels like this in some therapy session? What do have have to do to get myself to open up. I just don't know what I am scared of. I wanted her to shout at me and tell me I was wasting her time but she wouldn't.

I am desperate to get better, to be able to enjoy life again.

I don't think I am sitting back and waiting for it to happen. I still manage to do everyday stuff, looking after my 2 children and husband.

I run three times a week to try and create some positive energy, but it is not working. I am just full of nagging doubts about my abiltiy to do things. Even when I do something positive my negative thought cancel it out straight away.

I have lots of childhood issues to sort out which I feel influence how I do things today, but have seen so many counsellors and therapists I am tired of telling my story.

Am I just moaning and just need to pull myself together or is there any hope out there..

[Maya_dawn]

There is hope! don't give up!

From what you're saying, it sounds like you have taken some positive steps to overcome your anxiety and depression. Oftentimes, it seems like whatever steps you're taking is slow to yield results. Some days, especially when you relapse, feels like you've taken 1 step forward, 2 steps backwards. But the important thing is to keep trudging forward - even when you don't think you're progressing! I assure you, at the end of it, you'll look back and be glad you didn't give up.

Perhaps you can keep a log of how you feel? Rate how you feel each day on a scale of 1-10, 10 being horrible, 1 being great, or vice versa, whichever works for you. That way, you can look back at how you feel, and perhaps you can see that maybe out of 20 days, you only felt real bad on 1 of those 20 days. Then you can work on making it 21 days, and so on.

Give it a try, see how it works out for you. In the meantime, keep doing what you're doing now. It sounds like you're on the right track.

[ellabella]

Hi M, there are certain phrases that are banned on here and 1 of them is " pull yourself together" lol. No you are not the only one to go completely dumb in therapy. My mind goes to complete mush when in a one to one situation. Sometimes my ears to fail as well and I come out without a clue as to what has been said. Yes there is hope love!!! sharing and caring on here and picking up lots of information about almost every aspect of anxiety and depression. If you are new read through some blogs and make yourself at hope x Ella x

[ellabella]

lol hope should read home* I am a good example !! xxx

[Hidden]

Yess have had a few where I've just waffled but don't give up or let it put you down because thats what the illness would like. You've just been having a few bad ones and then you'll have some good ones. Like restaurants!