Feeling so down

[Araminta]

My daughter had to go back to Exeter today and although I hate to see her leave, I just cannot cry. Have only been able to cry twice since July, have wanted to but the tears just won't come. I have felt really ill all over Christmas, even cancelled Christmas lunch as I just had no energy to prepare it and wasn't eating anyway. My lovely husband and daughter said it was just another day and not to worry as the important thing was that we were all together but I still feel miserable about it not being an enjoyable time for them. They spent the time looking after me and trying to tempt me with things to eat. Maybe that is what Christmas is about, not all the trimmings but being with those you love and caring for each other. I hope you all managed to get through it, all in your own way, and to thank all the posters on here who give me comfort and the determination to get through this thing. Love and best wishes to you allx

[Hidden]

Hi. Araminta. With nervous illness the emotions get 'blunted'. The feelings we had for a loved one dont seem to exist any more. Some people say they cannot feel any love for their children or partner, as if there is a vacuum where love used to be. This is very common and not something to be distressed about. When you get well again, and you WILL, the feelings return. It is all about energy. We have used it all up and need to 'recharge', like a battery. Emotions require energy; having very little we imagine that we are to blame and the old guilt thing clicks in. It is NOT your fault you feel as you are so let your batteries recharge; rest up now its all over, but accept how you feel for the moment. It is the worry about how you feel that keeps "IT" going. Of course Christmas is not all about trimmings. You had time with your family which is much more important. And, by the sound of it, they are very understanding.

Don't feel guilty. It is a very expensive emotion and unnecessary as it IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Try to look forward to the New Year and your recovery. Very best wishes. jonathan.

[BriarRose]

Aww, hun, I'm so sorry you felt so down - BUT your husband and daughter are RIGHT, it is only another day, and surely the real meaning of Christmas was that they cared about YOU - not about the turkey, Christmas pud, crackers and tinsel!! And Jonathan is right, our emotional energy runs out, so however much we may want to cry - or scream, or rant or whatever - we can't. It's just exhaustion, hun, although I do know how hard it is to want to cry and not be able to. Just a suggestion - although i wouldn't do this on your own, maybe talk to your husband about it for support - try putting on a really weepy film - even something like "Lassie Come Home" - and cry over that. Sometimes, the emotions go so deep we are subconsciously holding back, but if it's something that doesn't, ultimately, matter - like a tear-jerker - it's "safe" to cry over it, but it's still a relief and a release - it's called catharsis, which is to do with purging unhealthy emotions and that. Just a thought, hun.

And - please remember, you have NOTHING to feel guilty about, as Jonathan so wisely said. If you couldn't enjoy Christmas because you had a physical illness you wouldn't feel guilty, would you? Well, mental illness is just as real - worse, in a way, because it's not visible. And - there is so much pressure to "enjoy" Christmas, we feel terrible if we don't - well, sorry, but there's no law that we HAVE to! I had a foul Christmas one year, when an impacted wisdom tooth decided to flare up - i was in agony - but I didn't feel "guilty"!!!

As Jonathan says, accept what your lovely husband and daughter say, my sweet, you had time together, they cared for you and love you - and THAT is Christmas!!!

Much love, and wishing you a happier and healthier New Year!

Lots of love

Rose

xxx

[Araminta]

Dear Rose. Thank you so much. I am writing this through the tears after your post moved me so much. Hopefully I will feel a bit better when I let it all out xxxx

[BriarRose]

Oh hun, if anything i said helped, I'm absolutely delighted - NO need for thanks! Hopefully the tears will help, too - apparently, "emotional" tears contain toxins that tears from, say peeling onions, don't - so crying IS good for us, it gets the horrid toxins out! So get yourself a copy of Lassie Come Home or Brief Encounter, and bawl your eyes out, hun!

Lots of love, keep posting!

Rose

xxxx

[Pickle165]

HI, are you on any meds? since ive been on fluoxitine i feel like i cant cry properly and some times feel i really need to have a good old cry and get it out. x

[Araminta in reply to Pickle165]

Yes Sam. I am taking Mirtazapine and Sertraline before that. I also take a beta blocker.