Removing thoughts of illness

[patteross]

Hi all, been suffering on and off for 3 years but over the past few months the intensity has just gotten out of control. It is purely the physical symptoms that are causing me alarm, had heart etc checked out (ended up in A and E a few times with chest pain as i am sure many of us have) and am, according to my doctors anyway, in rude health. Im sure they will be familiar to you all, chest pains, feeling i cant get a breath, vivid dreams, pains and cold sensations in my arms, aches in my back, general lethargy etc. the issue is the feeling of deterioration every day, i literally feel worse every day, even though i convince myself i cant get any worse, only to get worse the next day. I am only on quetiapine at the minute, relatively low dose of 50mg a day, I have came off propanolol at the start of the week as it was lowering my blood pressure, and came off fluexetine midweek as it caused me to have suicidal thoughts. naturally this isnt helping my body generally but i feel myself gradually losing control, unable to do even the most basic things. from even barely functioning a few weeks ago i now seem to be turning into a trademark socially anxious person, retreating more and more into my room. I have had discussions about thought processes etc, but can anyone recommend a way to try and minimise these thoughts.i am in a cycle of being pretty much convinced i am dying. last week a tried to power through, meaning trying to completely ignore the symptoms and do everything i normally do, to no avail. another issue is that i seemingly cant see properly, is that another symptom you have experienced?

[stde]

I was going to give a long answer. but i think you will gain a lot more benefit in reading some QandA,s and blogs, hopefully this will show you that health/social/body etc etc anxiety is just anxiety focused on one subject. And more importantly show you that you are not alone......speak soon......

[SweetieCass]

I find that the medication I am on makes my eyes and head feel dull as if I have been crying, while that's not having problems seeing, it does feel like it at times.

Powering through is difficult. I am in a similar situation at the moment with my anxiety and what is getting me through at the moment is talking about it to everyone and anyone I know. My work friends understand and we have a 30 minute time in our day when I can tell the how crappy I feel and they just listen. My mum and dad (who live in Australia) literally come on Skype every day just to listen to me say the same shit to them because they know that when I have done that, when I have had my cry, I feel better, even if just for the evening. When they say 'support network' in all the help books, they really do mean it. You need to gather your family and friends close because they will support you. Also blog, I am only new to this and I prob post way too much but these people UNDERSTAND! They really do understand! We all have to be there for each other. Hope some of this was helpful.

[Hidden]

Hi.pat. You cannot ignore the symtoms of nervous illness neither can you push them away or into the background. Neither should you fight or struggle with them; try to get rid of them read your way out; keep busy and try and forget them; watch TV and concentrate your way out of them; think positively etc. etc. So what to do? Every one of the above attempts to free yourself will end in failure. (You may get temporary relief but that is all). Why? Because you are using valuable energy, energy you have little of and can't afford to lose. Fighting, struggling causes more fear and so more anxiety. Now I know fighting is the natural thing you want to do but I suggest the opposite. Sit down and calm yourself as much as possible. Now try and make your symtoms worse. (This won't harm you and you may learn that you can't make them worse). Adrenaline has a limit to it's intensity. You have reached that limit, but like a big bell that is rung the vibrations are going on and on. ALL but ALL the symptoms you describe are NORMAL in the circumstances. That is normal in the state you are in now. Why don't you believe your medical advisors? Because feeling fear and anxiety has become your 'habit'. You fall into the trap of negative thinking every time you hear some experience of physical illness.

YOU WONT DIE. I have never heard of anyone dying of nervous illness. Life's a misery, yes, but dying, no. Now can you, while sitting still try and ACCEPT TOTALLY how you feel? No fighting, struggling just calm ACCEPTANCE. The thoughts will still be there and at first nothing will happen but gradually you will notice a calming. Thoughts are only thoughts and you are being bluffed by them.This takes a lot of acceptance and perseverance. There is no easy way out of this illness but it is possible. You have tried to 'power' through and you still feel the same. Exactly. 'Powering' is close to fighting, uses a lot of energy and gets you nowhere. Give this a try. You have nothing to lose and if it doesn't work straight away do not be disheartened. It took me a long time to understand this idea and use it but it worked in the end. Eyes are affected by nerves as are virtually any organ in the body so do not be alarmed by this. I know, not easy, but it can be done. Very best wishes. J.

[patteross]

Thanks for that Jonathan, re: making the symptoms worse, would you mean for example having a high heart rate but then running up the stairs? Or holding my breath when I feel I can't take a breath? That's interesting but at times I feel I am at the physical limit as far as pain and a high heart rate goes, the thought process is the problem, when my heart is fast I worry, when it is normal I panic it is slowing down, hence my thoughts about detorriation in my health, would your technique work with physical symptoms? When I sit still it's the pounding heart that comes to the fore. Sorry for the follow ups, your advice was helpful thanks.PR

[Pickle165]

Hi patteross, im really struggling with the same at the moment and i too do tend to retreat to my room and section myself off. diverting my mind when there are so meny awful things about my health going around and around is not an easy job but i do try and engross myself in some thing i like doing which is also hard these days as i feel my passion for most things is very limited. i too struggle with vision most of the time which makes me anxious which then makes it worse or course, i had my eyes checked and was told my vision is fine, even had a new type of xray done that takes a picture of behind the eye and that was fine to. i just live in hope that tommorrow is a better day but most of the time it isnt esp with my stomach/bowel problems right now. in ref to your meds do go back to the doctors and tell them you feel like youare loosing control, dont suffer in silence. i do agree with alot of the above advice but i must say i dont fully trust my medical advisors, they have let me down too much in the past to have my total trust. the fact is that the help availible for mental health is beyond poor. any symptoms you have that you are concerned about should be checked by your doctor if its anxiety or not as people get misdiagnosed all the time. from the sounds of things you have been checked further than just the gp which is good. ive found this really helpful so try it........i downloaded a hypnosis session on my ipod and played it while i was in bed and put it on a loop through the night. look on getselfhelp.com or just google it. x

[patteross]

Hi Sam, I see what you mean, I feel I am being almost punished for meds not working, they persisted with the Fluiexetine for months even though it was blindingly obvious they were causing my suicidal tendencies. The proponalol lowered my blood pressure and for me the Quietiapine simply dulls your mental functions, though this may be because I am on a very low dose. I have tried hypnosis etc before but find I am simply too wound up to even take the first step (usually "take deep breathes, lie down and relax) but thanks x