Worry and racing thoughts

[Bumble88]

Hi,

Brand new to this site and I've never posted on anything like this before but I am desperate for help or advise or maybe just some reassurance.

I have suffered with what the doctors have labelled as depression for about 12 years (I'm 29 now) but the more I research the more I realise they have been wrong for so long - I suffer from anxiety.

Everytime I have any pressure put on me I crumble and can't cope with life at all. I've recently got a promotion at work and I am worrying about every little thing and it is manifesting in my mind to be the worse case scenario. I have racing thoughts of worry which the more I

I fight the worse it gets!

I've had about 2 hours sleep, broken down in front of my partner and it's taken me all day to calm myself down a little. Everytime I close my eyes I am awoken minutes after with a hot sweat, racing heart, overwhelmed with panic and feeling sick from the pit of my stomach.

I know rationally that nothing I am worrying about is even that big. My manager and colleagues have said people will miss things or get things wrong and make mistakes because of the nature of the high pressure roles we have and that everything can be fixed and no one will die from anything I have or haven't done. So why am I still obsessively worrying about EVERYTHING?? does anyone else feel this way? Does anyone have any way they deal With this to make it better or easier? I am not expecting a miracle cure because I know anxiety is such a complex issue but I am really at the end other teather! I'm supposed to be flying away for a weeks holiday in 2 days but I feel dread about going there because of how much I will worry about everything and how rubbish it will make me feel!

Any constructive advise would be so gratefully received. I am optimistic that perhaps we can beat this and control it, it's just so much easier said than done!!

I want to be happy and in control again xx

[jessicao]

I get this way in the work place too. Theres nothing to fear but my body tells me differently. The best thing to do is just push through until that day of work comes and when it does you will realise that all of your worries were worse than the day itself. Keep reminding yourself of the bigger picture, and if uou got a promotion then you are obviously very capable of this role & others see it too! You just have to believe it

[Bumble88 in reply to jessicao]

Yes I have done that before. Gone in dreading the worse like I'm going to lose my job, then I'll lose my house and my fiance. And at the end of the day I had nothing to worry about. It's just sometimes hard to understand where the obsessive worrying comes from when you know different. It's like anxiety wins the arm Wressle each and every time! xx

[Daisy-Mae]

Hi Bumble88, I know exactly how you are feeling and therefore have complete sympathy for your situation. I too suffer from major work anxiety and I don't really know why. I think I have similar issues in the way I can't sleep for worrying and I also often have an upset stomach and feel so shaky and wobbly.

Last year I had a course of CBT which actually did help so maybe you could ask your doctor about that? I've had medication in the past which also helped but nowadays I'm trying to cope without it. I really do wish there was an easy answer to all of this but I'm still searching. I hope you manage to relax on your holiday and get some help to make life easier soon. Good luck xx

[Bumble88 in reply to Daisy-Mae]

Hi Daisy-Mae,

Thank you for your reply. I think a course of CBT would be a fantastic idea. Unfortunately, I have refused help before so hopefully they will consider me for it now i feel ready to accept that I have a problem and that I wish to be proactive in trying to get better. I am also off medication right now because I am determined to battle this. However, I am of the frame of mind right now that I think it is best to ask for help when in need. I have found the stigma and embarrassment of being portrayed as being weak another big pressure over the years. But I am ready for a change now.... I will try my best to relax on holiday. Rather than using the time to worry, I will try really hard to be positive and try to rid the anxiety demons. Having people like you in this support network is a blessing and I am so very glad I joined this forum. Good luck to you also. Take care xx

[Daisy-Mae in reply to Bumble88]

Thank you so much and I feel like knowing others are out there feeling the same is a comfort and if we can help each other through the tough times then that's a bonus! I think it's great you're ready to ask for help and I don't think your doctor could refuse. With work i sometimes make a little checklist of my achievements and everything I've managed to accomplish throughout the day (no matter how small!) as sitting back and reflecting on everything you have done well is a good positive reinforcement. If I'm worried about something inparticular I may write it down and list the possible outcomes and worse case scenarios! I know it sounds silly and more work but quite often during the writing process I realise that I am stressing about nothing!

Anyway I am waffling now! Please don't be hard on yourself and you are certainly not weak, but anxiety and related stress does have a certain stigma attached to it which I know all too well. Stay strong and I'm here for you xxx

[Bumble88 in reply to Daisy-Mae]

Yes, I agree Daisy-Mae - it is a comfort knowing we are not the only ones. And speaking to people like you is an amazing way of gaining strength you perhaps didn't even know you had inside.

I also make lists at work but tend to look over them repeatedly to ensure everything has been done. But i like the idea of writing down problems and going through the possible (realistic) outcomes.

I am always very hard on myself and that is something i just said to Bob below that i need to curb and be thankful for that i have and realise things could be much worse. I am not the type of person to do anything wrong maliciously or on purpose so If i make mistakes then i don't need to be so hard on myself (because i am fully aware that i am far from perfect) I am only human and everyone makes them!

Your kind words and advice is giving more strength than I could have ever hoped for. And please know that I am here for you too xxx

[Hidden]

Hello

If you have been just promoted you must be able to do the job. Sometimes when things are going well some patients will feel what if?. and worry that they are going to fail and loose the lot. If this is the case you really need to change that attitude and be thankful that you have that chance to make good changes to your life.

All I can really suggest is talk to your GP so he can arrange some support.

One thing you do need to understand, you are doing well and you are a capable person whose boss must feel confident in giving you the position you now have.

The only one who seems to be questioning this is you so you really need to soak in the positive things in your life. Generally why do you feel the way you do.?

You are away on holiday soon, use that as a form contract you have signed to get back to a more positive mood on your return. Also use the time to reflect on what you really want Understand you are now able to do what many people would dream of doing. Plan your future and go for it !!!

BOB

[Bumble88]

Hi Bob

Thank you so much for your post - you are completely right! its taken for you to say it in order for me to truly think it and believe it.

I think the only thing I can do is try to change my somewhat pessimistic outlook on life and be thankful for what I have. I think i also need to stop being so hard on myself all the time and believe i can do things. Because as you say, i wouldn't have been offered the job if my boss didn't think i could do it!

My forward plan is to see the doctor for some CBT, get back into exercise, eat the foods recommended to reduce the effects of anxiety and also try yoga and meditation to gain and build mental strength with battling the worries and thoughts which anxiety tries to torment me with.

I will try my very best to get this under control. Thank you for your support and advice. I wish you well in return. Take care xx

[BettyA in reply to Bumble88]

Hi there Bumble! I have really enjoyed these posts and you have gotten some really good advice... You sound like an incredibly nice and very genuine person!!

The only thing I would like to add to what has already been said has to do with my observation of some things you've said... More than once you have said words to the affect that you are 'going to try really hard'... and I would ask you to please...please...do not think of it that way... Because this sets you up for a "I won...or I failed" again situation. You don't deserve that... Just set your intent on BELEIVING in yourself and just KNOW that you can 'let go and let it be' and then NOT JUDGE yourself... Honest...this helps! All that love and niceness in you is far greater and stronger than you are giving yourself credit for. I think talking with a counselor would be good!!...that always seems to help...I wish you all the best. I just KNOW, if you give it time, trust and love yourself, and talk with someone... you will once again get on the right track. So what if you fall off sometimes! We all do. You are going to make it!!