Its Hard some days then I try and Kick myself, then I feel better again for a couple of days.

[Tinksishere]

PLEASE READ,,,, THANKYOU WITH ALL MY HEART.................It all started on the 17th Dec 2011 with hip and back problem but it took 6months of being pushed and pulled from one doctor to another, being pumped with different drugs before being diagnosed and its only today a year later I am feeling in less pain. During the year of this my Husband was made redundent then our Daughter (we all live together). But have both got another job recently, my husband has taken less money, but its a job. The past couple of weeks I have lost my appeal with my job that I have worked for 18 years. I am very devastated, also feel very guilty not working like the rest of my family. I have decreased some medication that was used for my back as it was doing me more harm than good In so many ways. And finally stopped. It has seemed to have been disguising the anxiety I have been hiding, My IBS has been so bad I have lost 12lb In weight over 2 weeks and I have seriously got to get a grip. When I sit and think there has been stressfull situations for the past 4 years but this last year has just tipped it. Its amazing how alone you feel even when surrounded by so many people, they just feel like strangers.

[VincentVega]

Hey tinkabell,

sorry to hear you have had such a difficult year, but this one will soon be over and a new one begins, and the next one will be much better for you im sure. you have been knocked down by several stressfull situations but are still fighting, this means that you are much stronger than you are giving yourself credit for, you must tell yourself that you have done well this year because you have got through each difficult situation. id give you a big pat on the back for coming out the other side, well done tinkabell, i do hope next year is a better one for you and your family best wishes VV x

[Tinksishere in reply to VincentVega]

Do you Know VV its such a big lift to hear exactly what I have been doubting myself about... I'm so good at giving advice so why is it so hard to take your own??? You can wake one morning and you can be on top of the world and know that if one dares knocks you of, then the next day can change rapidly and you don't set one foot out of the bed, you barely make it to the bathroom. Thankyou for pressing the thoughts I have hidden, you won't ever know what you did for me today xx

[VincentVega in reply to Tinksishere]

Thank you for your kind words Tink, it makes you get a real lift to hear someone gets anything at all out of your emphathy for them, its good that you have made me feel good with your loverly reply. isnt it strange that we can give good advice but not take it ourselves, whats with that? if only i could practice what i preach i'd be so much better off.

However, i am starting to learn that we must except when we have done well, not take the negative out of every situation, it strange but i have been keeping a diary of everything i do, this was for home visits from the mental health team, and do you know Tink when i read it to them, they sat and took it all in, writing away, i had pretty much made a list of everything that i thought went bad, things like 'went out didnt make it far, came home' the list went on and on, pretty much the same, then they read it back to me, but taking out the negative and replacing them with positives such as 'you made it out, got as far as and returned home, well done' well i can tell you Tink their version was pretty good and made me feel like i'd had a good week of achievements, though my version was full of negatives that when i read them made me feel like giving up.

i know just how you feel, sometimes it feels like your walking on a very thin line and one little thing will push you off course, you must try to divert your mind when the negative thoughts start Tink, try to say to yourself 'this isnt going to help me right now, if i start thinking like this' then try to do something, anything, its impossible to think of negative things while your doing something, as we cant do both at the same time, i know its hard but it does work, its important to try to keep busy, and then say to yourself 'i did that' good luck Tink always here if you need to chat, or are feeling low, have a good christmas with your family, best wishes VV x

[Tinksishere in reply to VincentVega]

Happy Christmas Eve VV xxxxxx

I have felt so much better since writing my angst. And having a replie that shock what was hiding In myself. I Have a rotton lung Infection but 'ah ho' thats what happens when I don't keep on top of it. Think I would learn by now. After recovering from my hip and back prob it sure has left me a little on edge to set out and push myself but I have made a desision.... It will be a new year In a weeks time and my Infection shall be gone and hopefully I will have a new boiler( its decided to brake down) sorry about moaning on that. Between now and then I am starting a list of my positive ideas, thoughts and words that I shall use for Positivity. These I will achieve over the next year, come rain or shine.Paths may get a little winding and I have to go back and forth down a couple of times but I will ACHIEVE.

Please keep In touch VV I have a nice warm positive feeling about you.

If you need a helping hand I am here x

Happy Christmas to you and your Family and heres to a very positive new year. Tinks xxx

[VincentVega in reply to Tinksishere]

Happy Christmas Eve to you too Tink, though its 10pm now, nearly time for that big fella in the red suit to visit, though, its been a while since he had much in that bag for me, (shame) it was so different when you were young, about this time i would have been so excited, one night i thought he was in my room and was too worried to open my eyes, as i thought he didnt leave presents if you see him. Now i tend to think its more about how much they can get us to spend each year, shame though, too consumer focused now. i think of lot of the youngsters dont even know what christmas is about, other than its a good time to make a list of what you want. god, i sound so much like scrooge lol. theres been about 10 versions of scrooge on tv as well, whats that all about, i like scrooge, but just the once will do. well thats enough christmas cheer from VV.

if you dont mind me saying you sound a lot more positive Tink, i like it, good for you, and your right a new year, and we are going to be much more positive this year. i am going to make more progress, and look forward to hearing your progress to. Its going to be a challenge but we will make progress, and you never know just might enjoy some things, that we would normally avoid. thank you again for you kind words, and you are already helping me Tink, happy christmas to you and your family, and yep a positive new year for us, for sure VV x