There's a lot more to fixing this feeling than just being around other people. For me its a deep seated reality. I have lost many friends over the years... Some to accidents my best friend from High School was killed in a car crash in 1989 when I was 26. I moved around a lot with my parents and I lost contact with many people... In 2012 I lost another really close friend to Cancer.... These losses took their toll.... I have been married twice and went through those losses at great cost to my well being. I didn't see my daughter for 4 years. My family is now scattered all over the map and I feel very out of touch with them. The sadness is starting to creep in as I get older and the chance of meeting someone whom I can have a strong loving relationship is dwindling... This now is more of a problem than my anxiety. I fact I think my anxiety is closely tuned to my loneliness... It might even be the cause... I can see how this could take all of ones hope and crush it out. I feel that way now....


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22 Replies

  • Hi Steve

    I completely agree with what you say. Loneliness is terrible, just the thought of ever being completely alone sends me into a frenzy, I need people so badly. I think its being alone with ones thoughts when you are highly strung as I am. I worry about everything and anything and having someone around most of the time makes you concentrate on other things and this allows you to feel normal somehow.

    Today I'm feeling awful, my aunt died and I went to see her at the chapel of rest, I shouldn't have gone, I don't deal well with death and I just keep thinking of her lying there cold and lifeless.We all will die of course but I prefer to think of people alive and well and happy somewhat.

    Have a good day Steve. All the best.

  • Hi Kimmieblue lovely to hear from you . Sorry about your loss I don't deal with death very well. You take care janet xx

  • Thank you so much for your reply Janet. I haven't been able to come online for a little while so it's nice to be able to come on site and read the posts. Hope you're feeling well. I remember that we've been on the same medication, Citalapram. Bless you and all the best. X

  • Hi Kimmieblue nice to hear from you. are you still taking citalalpram. You take care.xx

  • Oh Kimmie. I am so sorry for your loss. My parents are both in there eighties and now live in Care. I looked after them for 5 years before they went... This was six months ago and I went into the dumper... and am still trying to get my head around it ...They were my whole life then... I am so scared that one of them will pass before I can get my life back on track .. I know that may sound selfish. The fact that they are still living keeps me going...I am the same as you.. I needed to be around my family to live a (safe) life ....And now I just cant get back to feeling that way... I feel so detached from feeling that I will be ok . You were very brave to go to the Chapel. Bless you.. much love steve

  • Do you know Steve I feel exactly the same, my mum is elderly and also in a residential home. She is quite well and she likes it there, she's well looked after and the staff are kind. But I have to say I worry every day about how I'll feel when it is her time. I imagine in my mind how it's going to be, why do we do these things. It completely takes over some days! My mother is a lovely lady and I am really so lucky to have my husband and my grown up children. Never feel selfish for worrying about anyone or anything Steve, you are so obviously a very sweet, caring person and I for one appreciate your posts here, you are always so kind when replying.

    All the best to you.

  • I thank you through a veil of tears.... I just can't stop crying these days ..I may have to go back to my GP and ask him what could be wrong... I know its a natural way for the mind to let emotions relieve the pressure... I hate to think I am just feeling sorry for myself..bless you

  • Loneliness is a terrible feeling,although I have friends and family,I do feel alone and lonely since I lost my husband.

    He truly was my best friend.You could be right about your loneliness relating to your anxiety.Thinking of you,love Anne xx

  • Hello Anne. Yes losing someone who has been our anchor in life is devastating. I worry about my Family a great deal.. They keep me grounded in life. When I was young we moved around a lot. I went to many different schools and was always the new kid ..So I grew up with an unsettled social life.. But my parents and my brother were always a constant. So my attachment to them is very strong. Being without them now has turned my life upside down. And I have to admit I am miserable most of the time... thinking Ill never get back that close relationship back.. much love steve

  • hi. I too am struggling with loneliness. I left my partner 6 months ago and its been really hard. I feel I am dipping into other peoples lives because I feel so alone. I have always needed company and didn't appreciate how hard it was going to be. there is a possibility of me going back to him. I feel so overwhelmed a lot of the time. I keep busy and try to keep my mind occupied but end up feeling exhausted. but I manage to sleep thankfully!

  • Hello easedale. LIfe is hard enough without having to go it alone. We need to have the love of others to live a life in this world....When I think of the people I have lost and the love that they gave I to feel overwhelmed... I have wondered at times why it has happened this way... What have I done to deserve this life of unhappiness and isolation.... I now we create our own reality... So why do I punish myself so..Its a quandary that i just can`t answer.... take care steve

  • Just want to emphasize with you, I am recently divorced and still feel overwhelmed, the loneliness is so hard, long evenings and no one to talk to! I do try and get involved in groups where I can meet people and Church, but you still come back to a home alone, and I don't want to be a drain on my friends. But I keep telling myself that each day is a step forward and trust it will get better

  • Hi Mermit. We have to trust in ourselves and that our situation will get better Divorce is harder than anyone knows. It strips away so much of our self worth.. And when there are children it can be devastating for all concerned. I do get out with friends occasionally... but I still feel detached somehow ...Like I am in my own bubble.... and I can't seem to burst through and be my same old self ....And I understand coming home to an empty house is painful at times... I recently moved out of a house I had lived in for 15 years and my cat ran away the next day I still mourn her loss She was my little love bug and I miss her so much...

  • So sorry about your cat they are company, Ive just had to move from our house of 25years,its letting go of the family memories in the home too! Have you been able and ready to get another cat yet. It helps not to come back to an empty house. Hope the week improves for you

  • Oh boy yes I do understand that feeling... When I left for the final time I turned and said ' Goodbye old Friend" I loved that house and my neighbours. No I don't think Ill be getting another pet for a while... If I do Ill get a chip put in.. so if it were to go missing I could find it... I hope you find happiness soon Much love steve

  • Hi Steve

    I'm really sorry you are feeling this way. I feel this way a lot. Although I have company since I live with my parents I crave people from outside and people of own age. I often feel isolated and out of the loop so to speak. I think the fact I'm off sick just now adds to this feeling as I am not having all these daily interactions I had when I was at work. But on the plus side I'm back on facebook, my minister has visited and I got a card today from everyone at church and a lay minister is going to be visiting me. I also have been speaking to my best friend a lot texting as well as she is going through a tough time right now. My work have also been touch to see if I would to attend a leaving party for my boss.

    I'm trying to build a support network for myself which I'm sure would help you too.

    Do you attend church/chapel/synagogue at all?


  • Hi that all sounds great. I was just thinking how time passes and things do change In the moment we often feel that we are never going to see any positive change to our daily grind. I am pleased to hear that your church is supporting you in your struggle. And that your MInister has come around to see you... that is fantastic news. I remember you saying how your old boss was retiring So getting an invite to his farewell party is super.. bless you much love steve

  • Hi Shadow, boy can I identify with this. I think anxiety in general and in particular social anxiety is the perfect breeding ground for loneliness. In fact we can argue that loneliness is the logical conclusion when anxiety and/or depression are present.We fear company/situations,we avoid them,we isolate ourselves,we become lonely.I'm married but my wife has a multitude of ailments,one of which is chronic fatigue syndrome.This leaves her sleeping for most of the day and me alone whilst simultaneously unable to leave her at home alone because I'm her carer.Its a self-perpetuating situation and one that is very hard to break free of.You have my sympathy my friend.

  • Hi Robbie. I looked after my parents for 5 years... Mom has Alzheimer's.. Dad had all kinds of illness as well.. They went into care 6 months ago... That's when I started with my anxiety. It had been very stressful for the last two years as my Dad got very sick... I was praying that they would be placed before my Dad got so bad that I would be unable to handle him... But when it happened I went into the dumper ... I had to go on meds to handle the anxiety that came with not knowing what to do with myself... They moved to a Care facility in the town my brother lives in which is hundreds of miles away... So I can't even go to visit regularly... Plus my dad went into a deep depression when he moved... My brother tries his best... but he lives a full life... and can't give them the attention that I did. So I can sympathise with your situation... That self perpetuating thing you speak of I do understand that..Stay strong bless you steve

  • Loneliness exaggerates everything because there is no one there to provide balance, distraction & just the plain presence of another human. I have lived alone since my elder son moved in with his partner, 8 years ago. My husband left me 22 years ago & it was no great loss, we had been unhappy for many years; but when the last of my 3 children left home I started this descent into unbearable loneliness which my friends & even my children don't really understand. As I have a disability & very little money (I had to give up my job due to my illness), I can't just go out & meet new people & I've lost all my confidence anyway & I'm sorry to say I've given up on how I look & am a complete sight.

    And then there's the anxiety, I'm alone, cut-off, who would help if I fell ill. I have this constant dread of having a heart attack & not being able to get help & dying alone & maybe not being found for days. I had flu recently & although my daughter rang to see how I was she didn't want to come round & catch it & pass it on to her family - I didn't see a soul for a week, I felt too rotten to get out of bed so didn't eat for 3 days.

    I am sorry, I'm really low at the moment, feeling very weak & tired & I don't know whether it's physical or mental, as I know stress & depression are exhausting, but I have physical symptoms so there might be a physical cause. I am so mixed up, I have a sense of impending doom all the time, but I'm too exhausted to get up & shake it off by doing something. At least reading your posts & writing this has made me feel that there are people out there, many in a worse situation than me.

    Easedale, think very hard before resuming your relationship. Even though I'm in a bad way I wouldn't go back to my ex, that bad relationship is behind most of my problems & issues - his treatment of me destroyed the person I used to be & my regrets plague me constantly. I don't know your situation so I'm not judging, just saying - think very carefully WHY you might go back.

  • Hi Maggie. This spiral into depression and anxiety is terrible ..No one understand it until it happens to them... Its.not like others have a visual clue to what is wrong because it's all internal. We look fine so we must be ok.... I got into a cycle where I stopped looking after myself as well.... For me it was like... well if I look like I am sick and out of it Ill get better help.... But ultimately I pulled myself out of that way of thinking.... It often gets to the point in my life where I just want it all to end.... But something inside keeps me going... Try and do something for yourself in a way that will cheers you up.... Have someone come round to do your hair for example. You have your children in your life still so that's something that you'll always have. Can you get into some therapy for your depression or a Church group of some kind.. anything to get you out of the house for a while every day. Take good care bless you steve

  • Dear Steve,

    sorry that you are feeling lonely. Loneliness is so debilitating. It is so hard positive when others are busy and have their own things to do. Are you able to keep in touch with your daughter through electronic means such as skype? Is there any social groups around you that you would feel comfortable joining? Hugs MR

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