Yesterday was what I can describe as a good day I managed work. But today ! I have to pick up my little cousin from school and just the thought I just can't do it I have work and my boyfriend wants me to come round. I sick to the back teeth of this I try and try to pun through. But everytime I leave the house it's as if Armageddon is starting inside of me! I'm meant to be going to a show tomorrow In Glasgow but I just can do it facing the train the busy streets !!! Basically everything! I just feel I'm letting everyone down including myself. Just feel stuck. It's starting to get me down and the thought of losing people over my anxiety is really really getting to me ! I can't cope with this !!
Sometime I feel fine I will get ready and as soon as I get outside I want to throw up or pass out !
This Isn't me I don't want this to define me. I've stopped taking care of myself I don't know if deep down its kinda a punishment and I try so hard to stay positive just to much pressure and no one understands I don't expect them to just want them to help me a little !
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Nic567
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Nic. What you describe is absolutely typical of anxiety. In fact it could have come out of a text book. Let us look at your post. First of all you 'had a good day'. So what happened to make it good? Were you occupied? Too busy to think about yourself? In nervous illness all the feelings we have are feelings that are felt by normal people but we exaggerate them, fasten on to them, and blow them up out of all proportion. Picking up your cousin from school may be a chore, but to a 'normal' person it would perhaps be just be another thing to do, but not to the nervously ill. A normal person gets irritated, we get angry. A normal person is concerned, we worry. See what I mean? You want to throw up and pass out. You wont you know. I have never heard of this happening in nervous illness. You just FEEL as if you will. You feel well one minute and down the next. Again, a typical symptom. It is called the yoyo effect. Why do you feel you are letting everyone down? This is NOT your fault. No one wants to be like this. Something has sensitised you so that everything is anxiety making. You try hard to stay positive. That's the problem, you are trying too hard and using a lot of energy in the process. How can you feel positive when you are in an anxiety state. You can, but forcing yourself to do so has the opposite effect. Now I suggest that you try and not push the feelings away. FOR THE MOMENT go with them there. If you FIGHT against them you give them more energy and so produce more anxiety. If you fear"IT", "IT" will surely come time and again. We have to take the fear out of "IT" by not fighting and struggling. These are the natural things we think we should do but I advocate the opposite. ACCEPT how you feel at the moment. STOP trying to fight your way out. Give it a go, if you can. Love and blessings . jonathan
Nic, hun, you are NOT letting anyone down! If you'd broken your arm, you wouldn't feel you were "letting people down" by not being able to carry the shopping/bath the baby/peel the spuds, would you? this is no less real than a broken arm - it's just less "obvious" and people tend to go with the obvious - if they can't see it, it doesn't exist!
Do listen to Jonathan's wise words, fighting these symptoms simply exhausts us, then we are more vulnerable to them, so it's a vicious circle!
there's a fabulous "discussion" about fear in a book called "Practising Wearing Purple" by Margaret Graham. Can't remember the exact quote, but this woman in late middle age is doing her first "piggy-back" parachute jump (long story lol) and the instructor says something to the effect that -
"Fear is pointless, it's useless, it does no good. Concern - concern is good, because concern keeps us safe - concern makes us check our equipment, check our rearview mirror, make sure the doors are locked. Concern is positive - but fear is entirely negative, it just paralyses us and does no good." Not an exact quote and might have added a bit of myself to it, but the argument is a valid one.
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Worried so much that I can't focus or sleep
Everything is too much effort
Anxiety is too much..
Is this all there is?
Can’t do this much longer
