The devil is busy

[Icanbeathis2016]

I don't know where to start. Well yesterday was not one of my best mood days. I was more on the downside. I had went to church with my mom and as I'm in church and I trying to focus on the pastor I get dizzy again. And then light headed too. So as it happens my mind start to race and then I get that rush of adrenaline over me which made me on edge. So I'm in church sort of nervous and hoping it doesn't get any worse. Thankfully it didn't get much worse but the simple fact that stuck was that I was still feeling detached whIle trying to focus on the Lords word. It made me even more stuck in my thoughts because I was in church but I continue to talk to God I did some breathing. Like I said it didon't get worse but that basically had already set my mood off and where I didn't want to be mentally. Then as the day went I was basically still agitated and frustrated from just going through all of this. Later that night my daughter and I ended up having a bit of argument that I know I was already frustrated before that but he smallest things really get to me now. So my night was so emotional. Then this morning my mom calls me and says some things to me that I felt was uncalled for. And it hurt my heart. And after all I thought me and her were finally bonding and she was being their to support me but my mom is always the type to say what she wants no matter if it hurts your feelings or not and for her to just say some things we kind of had a few words back in forth and I'm never the type to argue with my mom. But still the few words we did have my feelings were so hurt. Wen we hung up all I can say is I cried out and yelled, "Jesus, what are you trying to tell me?! The devil is really attacking me!! What is it?! Is it my time!?" I started feeling light headed a bit and I was trying to get some sleep before my mom had called but after that I could not even sleep. I feel even worse and now I don't know what today is going to be like. Now my mind is racing again, and I got the scare and the what if again. I feel like my brain is releasing energy and I feel wierd mentally. And the first thing I want to do is go to a doctor again because I think I may have a brain tumor or my brain could be bleeding or anything like that because I don't feel right in my head. I don't know how my life got to this.

[red_head40]

Anxiety can cause some horrebdous symptoms which mimic other illnesses. Please try not to worry but if youd rather get a Doctor to check you out it would put your mind at ease and perhaps ease some of these symptoms. As worry only makes it worse. Have the doc check your iron and b12 levels and go from there.

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to red_head40]

Yes thank you for that advice I have however began taking vitamins like a week ago and one of them are the b super complex vitamins which I think tackles all the vitamin b list and I'm taking fish oil and the magnesium zinc and calcium(in one) vitamins too. I hope I am on the right track

[daisychained in reply to Icanbeathis2016]

Add Vit D3. The sunshine vitamin I use the vitabiotics brand

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to daisychained]

Ok I will go look into that thank you

[Rockthekasba]

Do you have KIK? I'd like to talk with you more about this but it's hard to go back and forth online

My ID is Lunkerguy

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to Rockthekasba]

Well I don't have kik I have facebook and instagram. There is a message option on this site that send messages to whoever is on here a lot quicker than this particular way if you wanted to chat more. We would need to follow each other on here and then I think you can inbox

[Agora1]

Hi Icanbreathis2016, I can totally relate to you. When under extreme anxiety, being in a crowded church seems overwhelming to the point that I actually started going to the chapel at the hospital with the ER was one floor above. And yet....even sitting at the end of the row, I would get this over powering feeling of fear while listening to the pastor. I kept telling myself that I was in a safe place spiritually and physically and yet anxiety took over. I couldn't get up for fear I would wobble or faint and so I sat quietly deep breathing and praying. So I know what you mean in that even the safest place doesn't make a difference when our thoughts of fear take over.

As for my mom, she was a loving but overbearing woman. My successes in life weren't embraced by her. The hurt from what she sometimes said caused me to hang up abruptly cause I could feel my anxiety building. Like you I would play the hurt over and over. Today, she is gone but that feeling of being hurt when people put me down is too reminiscent of not being able to please everyone. I no longer worry about something wrong with my brain, it's a learned behavior that I have had to counteract. It will always be a sensitive spot with me whenever I should hear someone put me down. I hope you know you are not alone in what you feel. We are only human. x

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to Agora1]

Yes I just felt even more sad knowing I was in church where I thought I'd have the most peace of mind and there it was still dizzy still lightheaded. I got that wave of adrenaline my mouth even got a little dry. I just felt some what hopeless. But I was still talking to God trying to take deep breaths and hoping for the best. My mom is definitely a strong minded aggressive woman and because I'm more the laid back, easy going, and she likes to think of me as weak. I never forget some of the things she has said to me in the past that always stuck with me. But I figured me still respecting her as my mom I thought by reaching out to her telling her what I was going through I kinda thought I could use a bit of her tough love to help me get through this but regardless it's the things she can say and her way of thinking is always so harsh and I'm the only child her only child. I just can't see myslef saying some of the things to my kids. And maybe I am weak minded which is why this anxiety and stress and mild depression is getting ahold of me badly. But it's like my mom can really show her true side. I'm just so fed up. I'm frustrated with all that I am going through. I'm fed up with this anxiety and it's making me emotional and angry at the same time and also making my thoughts race even more.

[Agora1 in reply to Icanbeathis2016]

Hi dear, it's not because we are too weak. It's because we are too nice. It wasn't until I got so sick and tired of dealing with anxiety, that I got angry.

The anger turned me into getting more aggressive in pushing aside those panic feelings and not allowing it to rule me. It's take time, perseverance and changing your negative thoughts to positive ones.

As for your mom, God bless her. She means well, brought up in a different time when anxiety might have meant weakness. But it's not of course. Find a technique that works for you and then practice it daily so that it becomes a part of you. Then when you need it, it will be readily accessible and either reverse or stop you panic. It works... x

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to Agora1]

I can say for sure I'm getting to that angry fed up point. I'm sick of how this has consumed my life and it also breaks my heart because I want to be my normal self for my kids. Hell I just want to do the normal things such as sleep and eat. I haven't figured out a technique that works for me yet. First thing I reach for is the breathing technique because that's what everyone says to do and can help. But I guess I'm on a search for it now.

[Agora1 in reply to Icanbeathis2016]

I cannot count how many times my therapist had said over the years that I need to deep breathe. I poo pood it. How can just breathing help my anxiety and all it's symptoms. It wasn't just about breathing, it was relearning how a baby breathes when they are asleep. Deep belly breathing through the nose and exhaling slowly through your mouth. I tried it, I mean really tried it. Using You tube to learn how to calm my mind and body. It works. I added to it my years of listening to relaxation tapes but this time around, I really listened both before bed as well as first thing in the morning upon awakening with morning anxiety. That worked.

I had been paying for therapy for years but never really listened. The deep breathing is what has allowed to once again be able to get out and even drive. When in a store, while pushing the grocery cart I automatically belly breathe. No one knows except me that I'm doing it, that's what is so great. In the car, I also use it blowing out slowly as I'm driving relaxes me.

It is a new learned behavior for the positive. You will find what works for you and then carry along to fight the fear. Wish you my best. x

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you much for your advice. I will certainly begin using those breathing technique more predominantly as a fix in those moments. I'm gonna look up some videos on how to effectively do them. Because I'm sure what I was doing wasn't the best way to execute it.

[daisychained in reply to Agora1]

I haven't fully mastered the belly breathing while standing yet, but if I sit or lay down it's becoming my normal again. It's brilliant

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to daisychained]

Do you know the exact words I can type in on YouTube to find these videos

[daisychained in reply to Icanbeathis2016]

Diaphragmatic breathing exercises/techniques should work x

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to daisychained]

Ok I'll look that up thanks

[Agora1 in reply to Icanbeathis2016]

I do. Type in "Audio Relaxation/Deep Breathing." Listen to several for a few moments just to pick up the voice most comfortable for you. x

[Agora1 in reply to daisychained]

It takes a little more practice doing it standing up. I stop for a moment pretending I'm looking at something on the shelf, can't do it while pushing the cart. It is brilliant and so easy to do. xx