Feeling down most of the day

I cant help feeling down, i miss my job, i know i was only there for 2 months, but after 25 years of not having a job because i was raising my children ( 4 on my own) i felt part of life again, and loving being back with horses, until my anxiety and nerves got the better of me and i had to go home unwell 2 weeks ago, i went back last week to be told it would be best for me not to return to work for my own good. I feel like a complete failure and such a loser. The girl i worked with posts pictures of herself on FB on the horses i used to look after, and looking at them depresses me so much, that i just feel like crying. I dont want to go and visit the stables because i dont know what has been said about me, and i dont want people looking at me different as if ive gone off my head. All i do now is just sit in the house, sometimes just looking out the window, not even getting dressed most days. I just dont know what to do anymore, it feels like im not good for anything, horses was my life really, i dont know anything else because i used to work with them years ago before having kids and wanted to go back and resume my career. Now i know ive not got the nerve for it anymore, there's nothing left for me to do. So sad atm

[kjm1987]

What about taking up horse riding? Sure its not a job but it'll make you feel better being around horses and it'll get you out the house x

[Hidden]

I cant afford to really, its £25 a lesson

[Canon]

Hi linny13 I'm in full time work and i have to run a department in a factory but I had 7 months off and work has been good but I still not doing the job I'm being payed for its now been over a year they are saying that they don't want to put me in a bizy place coz if something went wrong with production I would beat my self up too much! I can see we're they are coming from but it's making me feel like I can't be trusted and don't want me back? So that gets me down and I'm not likening work at all coz I feel staff are judging me etc... So I know your pain.... T x

[Hidden in reply to Canon]

Hi.Canon. It is the old story I am afraid, and one we have to live with until there is more education about nervous illness. We are 'going bonkers' or 'off our heads' etc. The difference between nervous illness and mental illness is wide, but the people not involved do not know that so tend to lump everyone together. This can be very frustrating but do not get angry with them, they do not know so cannot understand.

Best wishes. jonathan.

[BriarRose]

Hi Linny

Oh, i can so relate! I love horses too - I even love the smell of manure lol - and losing a job you love, especially after so long, must be so hard - I can relate to that too, but this is about you, not me.

I do have one suggestion to make, however.When i was at uni, I looked at joining the Riding Club - no way could i afford THAT - but there was a group that helped out with the local Riding for the Disabled, so i joined that instead I'll be perfectly honest - it wasn't altruism or a desire to good,I just wanted to be around horses, and if I couldn't RIDE them, well, at least I could lead them round for others, or just be near them. So - why not check out if there's a local Riding for the Disabled near you? - I'm sure they'd jump at your experience and expertise, I have a feeling - could be wrong - that they do struggle to get volunteers. Not everyone is good around horses, a lot of people are scared of them

You might also check with the RSPCA to see if there are any local rescue organisations crying out for people to help with rescued horses - you never know, there might be? Just look around your local area, or google do-it.org (I think) for voluntary opportunities. It would give you something to get dressed for - know that feeling too, didn't get dressed all day Sunday - and get you out of the house?

Really hope you can find something in that line and, you never know, doing that sort of work as a volunteer might give you back your confidence and lead you back to the work you love Hope so, anyway, hun.

Good luck, do let us know how you get on!

Love

Rose

xxxx

[thunderacer]

You should not beet yourself up about your confidence, confidence comes with familiarity of the job you are doing and 25 years is a long time to be away from a profession and it is just a case of practise, look at it as if you are starting from scratch again with the added bonus of some knowledge, Rose's ideas seem interesting, being around horses again may bring back your confidence and help others at the same time, good luck

Steve.

[Pennylayne]

Reading your blog I was just wondering whether you have had any help of any kind apart from posting here. Have you seen a doctor and are you on any medication?

If you are not I think it might be an idea to visit your GP, try to see a sympathetic one if at all possible (difficult I know) but at a rate explain that your anxiety etc has caused you to lose your job and tell them exactly how you are feeling right now.

It may be that with some medication, even if in the short term you will start to feel a bit stronger and more in control.

Also if you do that and after speaking to your doctor could you ask to see the person who owns the stables or who directly employed you to speak to them privately saying you have been to your GP etc and are getting back on track and would it be possible to come back for just a couple of hours to begin with ......possible working with somebody else.

Explain as you have here how much you love your job and what it means to you and that you are doing your very best to get things sorted so that you can get back to being well again and able to work as you did previously.

It may be worth a good try .....at any rate do see your doctor as you sound as though you need some practical help right now and get that sorted before you move on to the next step.

As you love horses so much .......I feel you will find a way to get back to doing what you do best, don't let nervous illness stand in your way. It's just like any other illness, it needs managing and you can do it.

Best Wishes PL

[Hidden in reply to Pennylayne]

Hi PL yeah im on 20mg of fluoxetine, been on them for 8-9 weeks now, i explained to the boss that it might have been my medication making me feel worse before i got better with the anxiety, but he didnt want to 'be worrying about me on the yard if i was going to get myself hurt or not', which is understandable, they are quite dangerous, but didnt do anything for my confidence, just left me feeling depressed. Im also 4 weeks into CBT, and to be honest, i dont think it is working, but i suppose it gets me out for an hour a week.

I probably will be going back to my drs again this week because im feeling too low like ive given up, ive got no will to do anything.

[Hidden]

Hi. Penny. 'Just like any other illness'! There speaks the voice of experience. How difficult to understand for anyone who meets this blasted problem for the first time! If only those 'others' out there would understand this; there would be a lot more help and less frustration if they did.

And linny; the advice from Penny is so sound. We all feel for you when talk of feeling sad.

My heart goes out to you. But YOU know you haven't 'gone off your head' so try not to be so concerned about what others think. Please come back if you feel the need; we are all here and are with you all the time, if only in our prayers. Bless you. Love. jonathan.