Hi, I'm new to this site. I just wanted to get my story across to people for their opinions, thoughts, advice etc.
End of November last year, I found out that my ex boyfriend (sons dad) had beaten up his current girlfriend at the time and her 2 year old daughter. After he did this, he came "on the run" to my home town (he lived 2 hours away). I was petrified thinking for whatever reasons, he was coming to harm me and my son. Anyways, after a day or two, he handed himself in to the police - in my home town. He then got arrested, sent to custody etc etc.
New years eve, I worked all day - as I work in a bookies we were very busy. I'd hardly ate a thing all day and just drank coffee. About half hour before the shop was due to close, I experienced my first panic attack - completely out the blue! I put it down to the fact that I hadn't ate much and that I'd been busy so I was tired. I ended up still going out with my friends as they had travelled 2 hours to spend new year with me. After a few drinks I was fine!
A few weeks down the line, I experienced another panic attack. I went to the doctor thinking there was something wrong with my heart, I honestly thought it was my fast heart rate that caused the panic attacks. In March this year, my ex boyfriend was finally sentenced to 8years in prison - to be out in 4 years on good behaviour.
Anxiety got worse. I was put on propranolol for my heart rate, and then something else which I cant remember the name. I kept thinking to myself "I hope I'm better by June, for my holiday with my friends". After taking these tablets, I started feeling better, and ended up not taking them anymore. I always took them out with me in my bag just in case though.
June came around, and I started feeling anxious again. This is where I felt my worst. My mum lives in spain so I'd organised to take my son over to her and stay with my friends in a rented house just down the road. Normally, I would be excited to be on holiday with my friends and have a break from everyday normal life. But instead, I felt like I didn't want to party and go out for the day with my friends. I felt anxious ALL THE TIME. At 1 point, I was that anxious, I'd walked to my mums appartment and she wasn't there so I cried hysterically. I knew her neighbours so I went to their apartment (crying) asking them to ring her to come back. At this point, I knew my anxiety had took a hold on my life - I was slipping into depression. From that point on my holiday, I didn't bother going out with my friends, I didn't want to do anything bar stay inside my mums apartment with her, my step dad and my son.
I started taking my propranolol and the other tablets and yes, they did help me through the rest of the holiday but they were never going to help me long term.
When I got home, I booked an appointment with a different GP. I broke down crying to her, explaining everything from the past year. She put me on citalopram 10mg for a month and then upped the dose to 20mg. I have been on 20mg for about 2 months now, and they have helped me alot. Although, recently I have been having slight relapses. I don't feel half as anxious as I did on holiday but I know I don't feel right again.
I'm a bit confused to be honest, because I'm starting to wonder maybe if its depression I'm going through now and not anxiety. How can you tell the difference?
Thanks for reading.