No need to panic?

Hi, I'm new to this site. I just wanted to get my story across to people for their opinions, thoughts, advice etc.

End of November last year, I found out that my ex boyfriend (sons dad) had beaten up his current girlfriend at the time and her 2 year old daughter. After he did this, he came "on the run" to my home town (he lived 2 hours away). I was petrified thinking for whatever reasons, he was coming to harm me and my son. Anyways, after a day or two, he handed himself in to the police - in my home town. He then got arrested, sent to custody etc etc.

New years eve, I worked all day - as I work in a bookies we were very busy. I'd hardly ate a thing all day and just drank coffee. About half hour before the shop was due to close, I experienced my first panic attack - completely out the blue! I put it down to the fact that I hadn't ate much and that I'd been busy so I was tired. I ended up still going out with my friends as they had travelled 2 hours to spend new year with me. After a few drinks I was fine!

A few weeks down the line, I experienced another panic attack. I went to the doctor thinking there was something wrong with my heart, I honestly thought it was my fast heart rate that caused the panic attacks. In March this year, my ex boyfriend was finally sentenced to 8years in prison - to be out in 4 years on good behaviour.

Anxiety got worse. I was put on propranolol for my heart rate, and then something else which I cant remember the name. I kept thinking to myself "I hope I'm better by June, for my holiday with my friends". After taking these tablets, I started feeling better, and ended up not taking them anymore. I always took them out with me in my bag just in case though.

June came around, and I started feeling anxious again. This is where I felt my worst. My mum lives in spain so I'd organised to take my son over to her and stay with my friends in a rented house just down the road. Normally, I would be excited to be on holiday with my friends and have a break from everyday normal life. But instead, I felt like I didn't want to party and go out for the day with my friends. I felt anxious ALL THE TIME. At 1 point, I was that anxious, I'd walked to my mums appartment and she wasn't there so I cried hysterically. I knew her neighbours so I went to their apartment (crying) asking them to ring her to come back. At this point, I knew my anxiety had took a hold on my life - I was slipping into depression. From that point on my holiday, I didn't bother going out with my friends, I didn't want to do anything bar stay inside my mums apartment with her, my step dad and my son.

I started taking my propranolol and the other tablets and yes, they did help me through the rest of the holiday but they were never going to help me long term.

When I got home, I booked an appointment with a different GP. I broke down crying to her, explaining everything from the past year. She put me on citalopram 10mg for a month and then upped the dose to 20mg. I have been on 20mg for about 2 months now, and they have helped me alot. Although, recently I have been having slight relapses. I don't feel half as anxious as I did on holiday but I know I don't feel right again.

I'm a bit confused to be honest, because I'm starting to wonder maybe if its depression I'm going through now and not anxiety. How can you tell the difference?

Thanks for reading.

2 Replies

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  • Sorry to hear about the awful things that happen to you that alone is a reason why you have panic attacks i can relate you you a lot on that.

    Trauma like that that's a while to get over and thinking about it brings on panic attacks.

    I hope you keep your ex in the past and don't ever get back with him no matter what.

    Change of atmosphere when you went to see your mum probably set you off specially when she wasn't home you probably felt alone and needed a big hug to feel safe,do you have flash back of when your ex abused you?

    If you do then its probably Post traumatic stress disorder.

    One minute everything is fine then out of nowhere you feel scared and panic stricken that's what happened to me and my doctor put me on Mitazipine i take it before i go to bed and it works wonders.

    I hope you are feeling better and tell your GP all your symptoms

    best regards Tara xxxx

  • Hi it's a strange situation anxiety causes depression , depression causes anxiety and when you have anxiety you may have a panic attack and the first panic leaves you fearing having another one making you anxious starting everything all over but there are things you can do when your having a panic attack basically do nothing but think of something completely different the first time is hard but once you've been through a panic and nothing you really thought would happen did happen a panic is when your body releases adrenaline which charges round you body giving you all kinds of thoughts heart attacks all sorts of things not long back I had a major panic I'd been for CBT councilling and read about it and I let the panic run its course i didn't do anything other than think iv been here before feared the worse and nothing happened iv had panics since but they are getting easier and the anxietys getting easier I won't get rid of it altogether you need a bit of anxiety lets you feel things it's the bad anxiety you don't need cbt can help with that wish you well with you and your boy and you get back to enjoying life Mel

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