At this particular point in time I am writing this as my first ever blog from the comfort of my sofa. I should be at work as a manager of an occupational health service whose life's work is focused on the health and wellbeing of the organisation I work for.
Unfortunately, I have crippling work related stress which has led to an anxiety disorder and depression. For the last 3 months I have kept going with the surprisingly useful benefits (for me at least) of propanolol, along with the zopiclone I have been taking at night for the past year.
I have known of my vulnerability to anxiety and depression for some time and have periods of medicated low mood that rarely kept me from working. The stress I was clearly experiencing in this job crept up on me and for a while I thought I had a post viral condition. It was only when my GP had run out of medications to try that the penny started to drop.
I have tried CBT, NLP, counselling, mindfullness and goodness know how many other methods of finding a way to cope. Final straws were placed on my back last week and it was time to admit I couldn't carry on as I was and am taking some time out, although at the moment if feels like I jumped in a hole that might be difficult to get out of.
I thought it might help me (and maybe others) to blog my progress in the hole that there is life after this, and some lessons to learn.
My first week has been something of a mixed bag of anxiety causing thought and action paralysis. When I get moving it has only been to try and distract myself.
My boss has referred me to another occupational health doctor mainly because I said she should! I suspect a bit of concern about when or if I will return is bothering them, especially as when I am not there, no one picks up the ball. I am feeling guilty about being off and the affect this may be having on my team but I have put the job before my health for way too long. Trouble is, I can't see what the future holds just yet.
I'll update this in a few days I think. Greetings to anyone who reads it, may your cerebral cortex know peace in your lifetime.