What do I do about Christmas.

[Littlecook]

Christmas should be for families, but what do you do when you have someone that courses trouble all the time and falls out no matter what time of year it is , I feel guilty if I don't have them but I know my anxiety will hit the roof . I love my sons but just can't cope any advice please.

[Jameshuh]

If you can't function you can't support anyone, you need to put your own oxygen mask on before assisting children and other people. Look after yourself. Wishing you peace, health and a Merry Christmas.

[Littlecook in reply to Jameshuh]

Thank you , no matter how much I go over it in my head I get more anxious and worried, because I know what he may do self arm again 😞. Merry Christmas

[Jameshuh in reply to Littlecook]

Ultimately you can only do what you can do without going under yourself. You can provide all the help you are able to and the rest is up to your son. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. Merry Christmas, you deserve it.

[Littlecook in reply to Jameshuh]

Thank you , its difficult because I have 2 special need sons / men both have given me trouble over the years, I love them but so wish I had a normal family:(😪

[Jameshuh in reply to Littlecook]

It can't be easy to look after them, it must take a lot of strength. They are very lucky to have you as you their dad. I hope you all have a happy Christmas and whatever happens things improve for you all in the new year. Wishing you (and your sons) peace and health

[Littlecook in reply to Jameshuh]

Thank you my friend, sending you best wishes for Christmas and the new year .

[Mamamichl]

you need to make boundaries. My boundary with my mom is no contact. My boundary with my dad is email or short calls only, and my brother I still contact and help out sometimes, but I see him a lot less often because he’s still in contact with my parents. I contact my cousin who is a neutral party between me and my mom but I’m thinking about distancing myself a bit with her too, though my other 2 cousins are also little/no contact with my mom, so I am still hanging out with them a bit more often.

I would tel your sons that you don’t want to talk about x,y,z. Or that you need just them and not their partners, or whatever gives you strife. You need to communicate the things that raise your anxiety and problem solve with them (or just make the boundary) about lowering the effects of it. Advocacy and communication is key.