Wrong enough to feel unlovable?

[DontJudge]

I've only dated once since I've been old to do so and that was probably about 6 years ago in my secondary school days

I visited my grandparents house during the holidays frequently and attended their church but somehow, my cousin never really talked to anyone in the church, we all just go in and out after Sunday services.

I met a beautiful girl who I liked though I never talked to her in like forever. But then somehow I was able to get her number and we started chatting up and make each other smile so I made a move on the phone and she said she'd want to meet in person, I agreed though I was scared to sh*t cause I knew I would be drowning in sweat upon meet up. We met and I summoned the courage to ask her but I sweated the whole of the Pacific Ocean that night😄 and days later she replied positively.

We started see each other for a few weeks but I always felt sweaty and anxious whenever we met, I've just always had the condition. When the holidays were over and it was time to go back, we said our goodbyes and promised to reach out to each other more and see each other soon. But then, a few weeks later of having blissful convos on the phone, I just started to pull away, I wasn't interested in speaking on the phone anymore and I just ignored all her calls till she gave up. She didn't do a single bad thing that I can think of, I just suddenly gave up on the relationship.

For months later, I felt bad for doing that and still yet, it's been years and I still feel rotten for those actions and I don't know how to get closure from that and move on.

Ever since I've never had another girlfriend in my life or many female friends for that matter cause I feel I'm undeserving of their 💕

Wow, it really feels great to say that after all these years. I'd really appreciate honest comments 😔✌️