Okay, so here goes trying to explain how I feel.. There's something really broken in my soul. I don't know when it happened. Or how far back it goes. But It has all these side effects, or symptoms I guess. Like, the voices. Not like "I should be in an asylum cause I hear voices" but like, 2 versions of me. Bickering away at all hours. I guess you can kind of thinking it like the angel and devil on your shoulder type deal but with hopeful logic and crazy. Hopeful Logic knows exactly what to feel and do and say, she's really smart. She knows all the answers. Like how you can know all the church answers. She gets the world like nobody else. But crazy, see she's smart too. She sees the world in a different light, or darkness I guess. She uses her brain powers for evil. But she's really tricky. She's like the fox in my head. Crazy is the loudest of the two. Hopeful logic has always been around talking to me. She is always good at calming me down. At showing me the truth in all the lies that crazy is always feeding to me. She's like a personal counselor in my own head. But the bad part is that she's real quiet. She isn't very assertive. She can be lazy sometimes. But crazy on the other hand. Crazy just gets louder and louder as the years go on. She started real small. But she's grown into a giant mess in my head. She's really convincing too. She's got me believing that I have no worth or purpose. That I'm an annoyance. She tells me I'm not good enough. And I always seem to believe her. Even though I know I shouldn't. But it doesn't really make a difference. Knowing. It just somehow makes it harder. Crazy uses my knowledge and insightfulness against me to make me feel invalid. Like I can't feel hurt because I know I should feel joy. So anyway, there's always this constant battle between my voices. Sometimes hopeful logic is my own voice. Sometimes its me fighting with everything I have. I always lose though. The battle never really ends. Sometimes it's quieter than usual. But it's an eerie quiet. The kind in a scary movie right before disaster hits.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.