The past two months I’ve been in a “funk.” Neglecting all self care and hygiene. I’ve always had severe depression and anxiety. Although I’m not very depressed anymore, it’s my anxiety. I’ve always said that anxiety is 10x harder to cope with than depression. I’ve been sleeping 21 hours STRAIGHT on weekends just so I don’t have to feel a pit in my stomach. My chest gets so tight. A lot of times my anxiety makes me feel like I’m going to have a heart attack, seizure, or stroke. The pain is so unbearable and unreal I feel like I’m dying. What’s triggering my anxiety is my sisters. I’m so scared that at any second I will get a call that one of them, or both, are dead. My little sister is 18. She is in active addiction, depressed (severely), and actively suicidal. I got a call in February one night, it was her best friend crying telling me she hung herself. Luckily she survived. But there’s been a few instances after that where she was high on her medication or drunk and had to stay the night at my moms. She lives alone and tells me how lonely she is. I try so hard to support her but she won’t let me. So so so many times we make plans to hangout and she cancels everytime. And I can’t just show up at her place because that would turn ugly very quick. I text her but get one word responses hours later or just get left on read. She also just lost her job because she called out so much. So that’s the situation with my little sister. My older sister is also not in a good place. In January we finally got her to leave a very very abusive relationship and she and her two year old moved from Washington to Idaho to live with my mom and stepdad. Well turned out to be a bad situation as well. My stepdad is a drunk and started sexually harassing me and my sister. And if you’re wondering what my mom does about it. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The really fun part is, my stepdad knows I hate him (for obvious reasons), so the night before my birthday he got super drunk and took a handful of Benadryl in an attempt to ruin my 21st birthday. I know it was intentional because I had been over an hour before this happened and my mom said he feels uncomfortable with me there and he feels like everyone hates him (eye roll). So I didn’t stay long. And he overdosed on Benadryl, which is what I overdosed on in 2022 and was in a coma and got very close to dying. And he’s also tried to kill himself because I upset him before. He’s actually a terrible person. But my nephew also saw all this go down. And so my sister was really over living there. And I guess her baby daddy convinced her he was doing better and is sober so they are getting back together and she’s moving back to Washington in two days. Her boyfriend is an alcoholic and does coke on a regular basis. But he’s been sober a whole two weeks so he must be a whole new person, right?
I feel so so powerless. I just want to save them. I wish we had the same mindset. I wish they were stronger. I wish I could keep them safe.
my anxiety is so severe right now. All I think about is worst case scenarios. I play out their funerals in my head. When I found out my sister was getting back with her boyfriend I had to leave work immediately and had a panic attack on the side of the highway for 20 minutes. I feel like I’m already grieving them. I really just need advice on how to not worry so much. Because it’s absolutely driving me crazy.
Hurricane,candle worried about carbon monoxide 
Worried about my health 24/7
Worried about my heart
Worried about brain cancer 
