'TOO shy'

[PurpleLeopard1]

I have had social anxiety and general anxiety for as long as I can remember. I started a new job last year, its in a hospital, very busy enviromment. I work closely with people who are so chatty, friendly and confident..basically who I inspire to be like. I am struggling massively. I physically cannot talk when im in a room full of them. I have nothing interesting to say, i truly do not understand how people can come into a room and just talk??? I honestly feel like I am the only one. Anyone else relate??? 🥹🥹

[Hidden]

yes me too. I wonder where they get all these experiences from and interesting facts from. But important to listen and learn from

[PurpleLeopard1 in reply to Hidden]

Totally agree

[Superzob]

I read some time ago that about 1/3 of the entire world’s population are introverted, but the extroverts are the ones you see because they are the most obvious by their very nature.

I have certainly suffered from social anxiety all my life and got round it by treating everything as “business”, and that might work for you. In fact, I rarely socialised at work and, when I had been off ill for several months prior to my retirement, I didn't want to return for a retirement party as I felt uncomfortable doing so. But I was persuaded and, in the event, the room was packed! One of my colleagues flew back from a job in Russia, 3 had travelled hundreds of miles, and several whom I had not seen for years took the trouble to come; one told me he had only stayed in the job because of me, and another that I had helped him fit into his new role even though I had no idea I was doing that. If you're shy and lack confidence, you often don't appreciate that other people actually value you more than you imagine!

There is a lot of peer pressure to conform and join in, even when you feel uncomfortable doing so; it’s probably best to involve yourself gradually. The most important thing is not to try too hard - it’s too stressful and counter-productive, and people see through it. Everyone has something to offer in life and, as the old adage goes: "Be yourself - everyone else has already been taken!”

[PurpleLeopard1 in reply to Superzob]

Thank you for the interesting reply 😀 It is so mentally exhausting trying to socialise when you really don't want to or feel like you can. 😪 and constantly feel judged!

[Superzob in reply to PurpleLeopard1]

You might be being judged in a good way, of course! And, if you're a good listener, you will probably pick up enough information to join in at an appropriate point.

I rarely say anything unless I can add value - I don't see any point in talking for the sake of it but, sadly, some people do and benefit nobody!

[PurpleLeopard1 in reply to Superzob]

Thats a lovely way to think of it. Thank you

[designguy]

I had social anxiety for years and one of the things I learned about it is that the majority of people with it are also suffering from low-self-worth, I know I was. Working on improving that in yourself and learning to validate yourself and be compassionate towards yourself can make a big difference and help your social anxiety. There is a lot of good info on youtube about this, I particularly like Julia Kristina and Bernadette Logue.

[PurpleLeopard1 in reply to designguy]

I certainly suffer with low self worth. Something I am really trying to work on. Thank you for your kind reply 😊 I will look on youtube, never done that before.

[designguy in reply to PurpleLeopard1]

You're welcome, there is a ton of good info on youtube, another one that I like is Sebastiaan at social-anxiety solutions, he has a lot of good info. I've tried "tapping" and it seems to work but I have done emdr therapy which is somewhat similar and prefer it. Another important insight is that with social anxiety our perceptions of how people see and judge us and how we perceive people is totally flawed and our anxious thinking blows it out of proportion. The reality is that most people are too caught up in their own lives to pay much attention to us, if any. It was a big revelation to realize that people really do like me and value my company.

[gerrerd]

Dont worry most people feel like you. Just carry on try to relax most people full of them selves who chat a lot, Its ok to just sit and listen, we dont need to join in!

[PurpleLeopard1 in reply to gerrerd]

Thank you trying my best to just relax

[TangledUpIn]

When I was browsing Amazon, I saw several books on how to make small talk, so that's always an option for you. My fallback when I need to make conversation is to ask: how was your day today? Usually people have some interesting answers and that gets the conversation rolling organically (meaning no one feels any pressure, we simply talk). 😙

[PurpleLeopard1 in reply to TangledUpIn]

Thank you for your kind reply thats the goal - just simply talk and not feel under pressure or judged all the time!